Why is infertility so hard? We've been grieving for our loss this week. We had our hopes so high that this was going to be "the cycle." I think we had just trusted our RE so much--he just seemed so darn positive that it work. I had my wtf conversation with him this week after the BFN. He really doesn't have much insight into why we failed. But, he seems to think we can be successful at another round. I'm no longer sure of anything he has to say...
He said our options are:
1) Another round of IVF.
2) A non-IVF cycle (ie, IUI). Well, we failed two IUIs last year, so why is this an option for me again???
3) Enroll in an IVF study. While I like the idea of saving money, I'm not interested in daily b/w at a clinic 90 minutes away.
So, I guess we'll be bringing on the pricks again (trying to have a little needle humor). LOL
In the meantime, please try to not make the following comments to me:
1) "Just Relax" or "Go on Vacation." I know you mean well, but relaxation does not cure medical infertility.
2) "Just enjoy being able to sleep late, travel, etc." These are not comforting comments to me. I feel like you are minimizing the pain I feel. You wouldn't tell somebody whose parent just died to be thankful that he/she no longer has to buy Father's Day or Mother's Day cards.
3) "There are worse things that could happen." The only person who is the final authority on how one should feel is actually that person. Different people react to different life experiences in different ways.
4) "Maybe it's not meant to be." Okay, this comment is horrible. I gotta keep praying that IF is not a punishment from God or Mother Nature.
5) "I'll donate the sperm/egg." While probably meant to be funny, it is an irritating, crude comment.
6) "Are you going to adopt?" While adoption is something we are definitely open to and I'm already checking into, we will come to this decision on our own. In our own time.
So, what can you say to help us feel better?
1) Just let us know that you care.
2) Help us feel that we're not so alone.
3) Support us in our decisions.
If you actually read this, then I again apologize for my bitterness and whiny attitude today. Reminder: a blog is intended to be one's diary/journal. I don't want to censor my comments. I'm just speaking what's on my mind at this moment....
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5 comments:
You are not being whiny. I am about to c&p your list of unwanted comments to my blog. You are brilliant-- I'm sory you had so much pain to inspire such an awesome list. Praying for you guys :)
Jill - I'm sorry for what you are going through. I do hope that your family and friends are being supportive to you. It's just so hard, and it's not fair at all. Thinking of you,
Wendy
Just here, supporting you, thinking of you & feeling like I could have written your blog today...
EM
Awesome blog entry! I may steal some of that for an entry of mine if you don't mind.
whine away girl, I think we are all entitled! I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. email me anytime! you have my number too, hang in there!!!
Christi
I don't know if I feel qualified to comment here because I'm afraid that at some point over the past year I have said one of these things. You are not whining. You have every right to say everything you have said and I think you are one of the bravest people I know for saying them and for putting all of this out there. I love you. You are a beautiful, talented and wonderful person who deserves everything you desire in life. No one could ask for a better friend . . . or mother.
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