Sunday, November 9, 2008

Hope

I vacillate from feeling hopeful to feeling scared. Hope is important and without it I know I could have never made it this far. I would describe myself as a tenacious, strong-willed individual who sets a goal and attempts to achieve it no matter how many times I may have to try to get there.

Everyone knows how much I want this. I'm an extrovert. It's been really, really hard not to talk about my quest for baby. All of our family and friends know, and after almost 2 years, lots of my customers know as well. Everyone knows. So what's the problem? Everyone knows. There will be no hiding if this IVF cycle fails. I don't want to think about failure. I really, really don't.

So, I'll keep thinking hopeful thoughts. The best news I've had all weekend? My dear friend, Christi, tested positive this weekend and got a fantastic first beta today. I could not be happier for her. We've become very close over the last year (wow, how time flies!). This was her IVF#3 and she had decided to to go to CCRM. After learning more about CCRM, I was thrilled she was taking a chance and cycling in Denver. She has been one month ahead of me since her first consult in May. I can't think of a more hopeful story than hers today. Obviously, her success is just that: her success. But, it gives me just a little more hope that miracles do happen. Maybe, hopefully, one can happen for us?

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow." Orison Marden

13 comments:

Kristin (kekis) said...

Miracles CAN happen and one WILL happen for you! The frustrating part is that it is all in God's hands, His timing & we have very little control. That's very hard for a control freak like myself. Hoping and praying that your blessing will become reality soon!

DAVs said...

Glad you can draw some hope from Christi's success. Hoping you are right behind her!

Lost in Space said...

Strong-willed goal achiever is right!! (;

Thinking hopeful and positive thoughts for you too, Jill. This control thing is so hard to give up, huh? You are doing great and only great things can come from this. Hugs.

Emily said...

Hooray for Hope & Hooray for Christi! Her story renewed my hope this weekend too!

here's to hope and happy endings - cheers!

MamaSoon said...

It sure is inspiring isn't it?! YAY!! I hope you are next and that I am right behind you. How long will you be in denver.

Oh, can you come to my blog and share a little on cgh please? What did CCRM tell you about the abnormal embryos? Did they tell you what made them abnormal? Did these offer to keep the abnormal ones? If you want to respond privately, you can email me. Thanks for any guidance.

Polly Gamwich said...

It's like walking a tight rope, isn't it? One minute you're on top of the world - seeing Christi's success and thinking about what a great place CCRM is the next minute thinking that something that wonderful couldn't actually happen to you.

It's so scary, but I love the quote on hope. It's the best medicine.

I'm so hopeful for you!

Sue said...

Found your blog through The Wayward Stork. I just wanted to say that I was in the same boat- I am a yoga teacher and all my students knew I was going to do IVF in CO, my neighbors knew b/c we'd be away so long and family knew b/c we needed help. It felt like some pressure, but we also had a lot of extra prayers and good thoughts coming our way -and it WORKED!!! (after 5 failed fresh cycles and no diagnosis!!!). So, think positive thoughts...I know it is hard, but you will be a mom!

Lisa said...

I am hoping and praying for a miracle for you too!!! I can't beleive you got blasts at CCRM. that in itself is a miracle. Beleive me, I know!! And I have a good feeling that good things are brewing. Never give up hope. Miracles can happen, and I pray that it happens for you.

GL!!!

Chelle said...

I am hoping hard that your miracle is just around the corner!

M. said...

That's great news for Christi! I meant it when I said I think you've handled this process with grace and humor. I'm hopeful for you :)

Lisa said...

Keep the hope Jill!! I see so much of my story is yours and I'm praying hard for both of us.

Miracles CAN happen :)

Hope2morrow said...

Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope.......

Penny said...

The waiting is the worst. For me it was a chance to come to terms with things, but I think for most it just drives them bat-shit crazy.