Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Letter to my sons

Boys,

Today is Mommy's birthday. And you don't know it, but for many years my birthday wishes have been for you to come into my life. Every wish made and every tear shed seem to be more of a distant memory with each passing day. My precious, sweet, innocent sons-quite simply: I can't wait to meet you.

Even though I haven't held you yet in my arms, you've held a place in my heart long before you were ever conceived. I've prayed for you, cried for you, and have gone through a lot of heartache to have you. But, I can tell you that it was all worth it. Through everything, I never lost sight of you, never lost hope that I would one day meet you, and you gave me the strength I needed to persevere. Every time I see your little hands and feet, and hear your perfect beating hearts on ultrasounds, I smile. You make me so happy.

I remember the day (Dec. 3, 2008) when I found out I was pregnant with you. That will be one of the best days of my life! What a surprise to know it had finally happened! And then another beautiful day was the day I discovered you both made it and were nestled away inside Mommy's belly-the day of our first ultrasound (Dec. 26, 2008). Daddy and I saw the screen and both immediately knew we were pregnant with twins before the Doctor ever told us. We were so happy-best Day after Christmas present ever!

As you continue to grow in my belly, I am thankful for each additional day you stay inside me and grow. I first felt you kick when I was 18 weeks pregnant, but Daddy couldn't feel you for a few more weeks on the outside of my belly. He loves you both very much as well. I have loved watching you grow every two weeks. You are going to be such big, strong boys! I still enjoy to feel every kick and every movement you make inside me. And you should know that the love both Daddy and I feel for you grows each and every day.

I have had a great pregnancy thanks to you both. I haven't been sick the first day and have generally felt good this whole time. You are the sweetest children for helping Mommy to have a relatively easy pregnancy. I can only pray that you'll continue to help me to have a good pregnancy by not trying to enter this world too early. I need you to stay put for a little less than 2 months. I want more than anything to have you both big and healthy at delivery so that we can take you home with us when I leave the hospital.

I love singing to you, playing songs for you, patting you through my belly and reading to you. I hope you will recognize some of the songs I sing and some of the books I read when we are in your nursery together. I apologize for crying every time I read you "Guess How Much I Love You," but it pretty much sums up how I feel about you.

You make me want to be a better person. I find myself thinking of ways I need to change to be the Mother you deserve. I want to be the best Mommy in the world to you both. I know I will make lots of mistakes along the way, but no matter what, I love you more than anything. I've never known such a powerful, unconditional love before. You will always have Mommy's heart, so please be gentle with it and take care of it.

I want you to know that you can come to me with any problem you may encounter along your life's journey. And even though I know that I won't be able to fix everything for you, I will give you my love and support. You'll teach me probably more about life than I will ever be able to teach you.

You are coming into this world with lots of people loving you so, so much. But, I'm pretty sure no one could ever love you as much as your Mommy does. So, remember, you still have to be Mommy's little boys! Know this-I have loved you forever and will love you forever. I promise to always be there for you and no matter where you may go, I never will be far away (and hopefully will always be in your hearts, as you will always be in mine).

~Mommy

18 comments:

Emily said...

Oh Jill...what a beautiful letter. Beautiful really doesn't even begin to do it justice actually.
I was bawling all the way through. What an amazing gift you have been given & what an amazing gift you are giving your boys. They are blessed to call you Mommy.
Happy Birthday to my dear friend...

hopeful #1 said...

Happy Birthday Jill!

What an emotional, loving and heartfelt letter! I loved reading it and someday, so will your boys.

How precious...

ashley said...

That was beautiful. I'm sure they will surely appreciate it when they are older. Glad everythiing is still going well!

ashley said...

Oh and Happy Birthday too!!!!

Jill M. said...

Ok, I'm sobbing now! =) That was precious! Happy Birthday Jill!

Carlie said...

It is so funny, you and I have the same birthday! Happy Birthday, you don't meet many people with the same birthday. Not to mention we are both pregnant at the same time. Your letter was beautiful and made me cry ~ not like that is too difficult these days. Congrats again and I am sure these boys will stay nice and warm inside you til your due date!

Just Another Infertile said...

What a wonderful letter. It gave me chills when I read it. Your boys are so lucky to have a mother as great as you.

Happy Birthday!

Wendy said...

Happy Birthday, Jill!

You are going to be a wonderful mom. So happy for you.

Robert and Carmen said...

What a sweet letter. Happy Birthday!

Ashley said...

So sweet! Glad you are going first with your two boys; I'll be following you since I'm about twin weeks behind you with two boys as well. So fun and exciting!

M. said...

That was so beautiful, Jill! Happy birthday :)

Retro Girl said...

Happy Belated Birthday! Thank you for sharing such an amazing letter.

Lorrie said...

That was lovely, Jill. Thanks for sharing.

meinsideout said...

Beautiful.

Happy Birthday.

Chelle said...

Happy (Belated) Birthday! What a sweet letter to your sons.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

What a sweet letter...really beautiful.

I loved reading your blog today. It has been so much fun making new friends through the blog world. This is my fourth month to have a blog. I am amazed at all the unique and fun sites. I am posting about our recent Disney trip and have a couple more posts about our visit with the "Mouse" ....then I will have more than a few posts about a new "grandson" arriving in just a couple of weeks...

Beth & Brian said...

Quit trying to make me cry!! Oh yeah...and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Steph said...

Jill, I lost the link to your blog and haven't read this in forever. Now I'm crying. This is beautiful.