Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Going out of my mind

Nothing. I know everyone keeps asking and wondering, yet I know nothing. This sucks! Where are my results??

I do have an FET date: Nov. 28 (Day after Thanksgiving). I'm glad that we were able to keep up the "Holidays at CCRM" theme. If you guys recall, we spent July 4th out there for our 1 day work-up. Then, we were in Denver over Labor Day for our egg retrieval. So, looks like we'll continue with the tradition over Thanksgiving for our FET. Provided we have normals to transfer. Seriously, where are our results??????????

I'm been having nightmares every night for almost a week. They're crazy. I'm crazy. One was a nightmare about having my test results in front of me. I read each line: "Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal." No normals out of six. Pretty scary. I was crying and somehow woke up.

Another nightmare: I was told I have an inoperable brain tumor. Great. Someone from my past helped me get in a clinical study and I had all of these stupid needles, probes, electrodes, etc. all over the base of my brain near my cerebellum. The hope was for a miracle to occur and the tumor could somehow shrink and disappear. Okay. Woke up.

Then last night my nightmare was the old "back in school" dream. Remember those? "Teacher asks for homework and you have nothing to turn in" kind of dreams? Well, this one was a little more elaborate: it was science project fair time. I had 3 different stations set up, each receiving different grades. I can't remember what was on my poster boards, but I think they were adequate enough, even though I hadn't prepared as much as I would've liked. Anyway, grades for each project: 96, 86, 70. 70-wtf? I started arguing with my teacher over my grade, determined to get it up to an A or at least B. I've never gotten a 70 on anything in my life! So for me, that was pure horror! See-NIGHTMARES SUCK!

So, please pray/cross fingers/cross toes/send a word up to whomever: I want my results TODAY. It's been 6 weeks as of today. I'm going out of my mind waiting! Please help preserve whatever sanity I might still have. Thanks everyone!!


DAVs said...

Man this waiting is agony! I am so sorry it it taking soooooo long--infuriating! And those dreams--or nightmares--yikes. Hang tough, I am so hoping you get those results ASAP, and that it's all GOOD NEWS.

Emily said...

Oh hon! I can't even imagine. No wonder you are having crazy dreams. I hope your results come in ASAP!!!!
Thinking of you!

Jen said...

Making you wait any longer is just cruel and unusual!!! I hope they call you today with good news to make it all worthwhile.

Jennifer said...

Yikes! This wait must be excrutiating. Call already, CCRM! For the sake of this girl's sanity, please call NOW!

The Wright's said...

I'm so sorry Jill! This is like the 2ww to the Nth degree. Hopefully you will hear something soon and the nightmares can stop.

BTW, what about you, you little smarty pants! Never gotten a 70 on anything?!!? I guess I'm not surprised though.

Anyway, lots of hope for good news SOON.

Leah said...

It is agony....I have to admit, when I logged on I said a little prayer and hoped the post was about your results.

Maybe the delay is becuase your embies are so freaking wonderful they have to re-test just to make sure?

what does CCRM say? They must know something!

Jill said...

That wait is BRUTAL. I hope you get your results (and awesome ones, at that) SOON!

Hope2morrow said...

How frustrating! I'm sorry you've had to wait so long. CCRM knows nothing? Geez!

And those nightmares, my goodness! Hang in there, girl.

Lisa said...

I feel for you. Man, what a long wait. You must be on pins and needles. I'm excited to find out, and I'm just a blog lurker, I can only imagine how much anticipation of fear and hope you are going through as you wait for the call.

Hang in there. I'm crossing my fingers your results come quick and you get tons of normals!!!

beth said...


Atleast all the negative portions of this cycle are limited to your dreams!!!!! They WILL not infect REAL liFE!!!!!!!!

I like it that way!!!!
GREAT NEWS IS ALMOST HERE!!!!!!! Maybe so many look perfect they are waiting for one to catch up so there is ALL good news!!!!!!!!!!

Im glad you have a date and a THEME...THEME is MOST IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!! Now to go along with it will be nicknames for embryo's like TOM(after the turkey) and Penelope Pilgrim....seeeee doesnt that make it FUN-ER!!!!!!!!!!!!
wow like a month awayyyyyy
sending blessinGs and vibees and onlyyyyyyyy good and poSitiVEs JILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! whooooooo hoooooooooooo

Two of a Kind said...

Prayers said!

Polly Gamwich said...

Jill, please stay in that wondeful mind of yours ... no going out of it, ok?

I had asked my SIRM coordinator about my egg results, I told her the news must be bad if the dr wants to tell me himself on Tuesday, she said that she heard they were good, but she didn't know for sure. Given that they were only testing 2 of my eggs (out of the retrieved, only 2 were mature :-( ... I can assume 1 is normal, right?

I'm with ya ... waiting is no fun.

I too am a holiday visitor of CCRM, I'll be out there right near Halloween and perhaps Valentine's Day ... Celebrate!

MamaSoon said...

that are some super scary dreams! Can you call and ask what the hold up is? Hoping for great news today!

Suzanne said...

UGH! We're all going crazy - what is up with that damn clinic?

And, seriously? You aren't allowed to sleep anymore!

M. said...

Per your request, sending up a prayer for results today!! :)

tryingtoconceive said...

This puts the 2WW to shame. You poor thing!

Perhaps the nightmares are God's way of preparing you for the pregnancy you are surely to achieve on Thanksgiving?! Because I have about one a night now, and am awake for about an hour convincing myself it wasn't real.

Mel ~ Psyched for Baby said...

I've been wondering about you. I also had many holidays planned around appointments this summer. Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, our anniversary all had something going on. We ended up making a baby with our anniversary day retrieval, so that more than makes up for the rest of it! ;)

I hope you get your results soon and have a smooth transfer come Thanksgiving.

sarah23 said...

I hope your results come soon! When I first saw that you have an FET date, I thought "Hey...she got her results!" Grrrrr. What are they doing? Have you called CCRM recently? Can they call the lab and find out what is going on?

Wendy said...

I hope you get your news really fast, Jill. I'm sorry the wait has been so hard. (And I'm so sorry about your nightmares!)