Letter to my sons

Boys,

Today is Mommy's birthday. And you don't know it, but for many years my birthday wishes have been for you to come into my life. Every wish made and every tear shed seem to be more of a distant memory with each passing day. My precious, sweet, innocent sons-quite simply: I can't wait to meet you.

Even though I haven't held you yet in my arms, you've held a place in my heart long before you were ever conceived. I've prayed for you, cried for you, and have gone through a lot of heartache to have you. But, I can tell you that it was all worth it. Through everything, I never lost sight of you, never lost hope that I would one day meet you, and you gave me the strength I needed to persevere. Every time I see your little hands and feet, and hear your perfect beating hearts on ultrasounds, I smile. You make me so happy.

I remember the day (Dec. 3, 2008) when I found out I was pregnant with you. That will be one of the best days of my life! What a surprise to know it had finally happened! And then another beautiful day was the day I discovered you both made it and were nestled away inside Mommy's belly-the day of our first ultrasound (Dec. 26, 2008). Daddy and I saw the screen and both immediately knew we were pregnant with twins before the Doctor ever told us. We were so happy-best Day after Christmas present ever!

As you continue to grow in my belly, I am thankful for each additional day you stay inside me and grow. I first felt you kick when I was 18 weeks pregnant, but Daddy couldn't feel you for a few more weeks on the outside of my belly. He loves you both very much as well. I have loved watching you grow every two weeks. You are going to be such big, strong boys! I still enjoy to feel every kick and every movement you make inside me. And you should know that the love both Daddy and I feel for you grows each and every day.

I have had a great pregnancy thanks to you both. I haven't been sick the first day and have generally felt good this whole time. You are the sweetest children for helping Mommy to have a relatively easy pregnancy. I can only pray that you'll continue to help me to have a good pregnancy by not trying to enter this world too early. I need you to stay put for a little less than 2 months. I want more than anything to have you both big and healthy at delivery so that we can take you home with us when I leave the hospital.

I love singing to you, playing songs for you, patting you through my belly and reading to you. I hope you will recognize some of the songs I sing and some of the books I read when we are in your nursery together. I apologize for crying every time I read you "Guess How Much I Love You," but it pretty much sums up how I feel about you.

You make me want to be a better person. I find myself thinking of ways I need to change to be the Mother you deserve. I want to be the best Mommy in the world to you both. I know I will make lots of mistakes along the way, but no matter what, I love you more than anything. I've never known such a powerful, unconditional love before. You will always have Mommy's heart, so please be gentle with it and take care of it.

I want you to know that you can come to me with any problem you may encounter along your life's journey. And even though I know that I won't be able to fix everything for you, I will give you my love and support. You'll teach me probably more about life than I will ever be able to teach you.

You are coming into this world with lots of people loving you so, so much. But, I'm pretty sure no one could ever love you as much as your Mommy does. So, remember, you still have to be Mommy's little boys! Know this-I have loved you forever and will love you forever. I promise to always be there for you and no matter where you may go, I never will be far away (and hopefully will always be in your hearts, as you will always be in mine).

~Mommy

28 Weeks and definitely counting!

Well, my OB appt. went pretty well this week. Cervix is still closed and long at 4.6cm, so no signs of pre-term labor. The boys seemed to look just fine on the u/s. My OB wants to start seeing me weekly now, so the next appt is on Tuesday (which happens to be my birthday!). I also had my gestational diabetes testing this week. So down went the glucose drink, that I must admit tasted like a sweet Orange Crush. Since it was cold, I just treated it like a shot of alcohol and had it down in no time. It seriously took me less than a minute (lol). Anyway, haven't heard from them yet, so maybe that's a good sign? I really hope it came back okay so I can still enjoy my carbs. I sure do love me some ice cream...

I am still dealing with the pre-term contractions, but haven't had to go back to L&D. The terbutaline was taking care of them pretty well. However, I developed an allergic reaction to it (rash, itching, swelling-yuck), so I'm not taking it anymore. My OB wrote for Procardia as needed for the contractions. I have filled it, but haven't used it yet. She claims that while both drugs worked great for pre-term contractions, there haven't been any large conclusive studies that they actually prevent pre-term labor. Therefore, I'll be taking it only when absolutely necessary to get the contractions under control.

From Baby Center this week: "By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of his head to his heels. He can blink his eyes, which now sport lashes. With his eyesight developing, he may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. He's also developing billions of neurons in his brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world." I think my boys weigh closer to 3lbs each however, based on their growth patterns!

I don't think I've got too much more in me as it relates to work. I'm so short of breath, just talking to customers wears me out! And as usual, my back KILLS me. So, my days are definitely numbered. Can't wait for a break!

Looks like we made it: 3rd trimester!!

I've got the line now to that Barry Manilow song in my mind, but we are nearly there-3rd trimester begins on Sunday when I'll be 28 weeks!! Woohoo! Have got lots of updates, so bear with me for a long post.

First of all, the much promised nursery pics. I'll present them in kinda a 360 view format. We need to get the valances hung, but have them and the rods available, so that shouldn't take long. And I'll need to get some wall art, but other than that, we are finished! So here they are...oh and notice my Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag somehow makes a cameo appearance on top of the changing pad.

I just love the nursery. Everything feels so new, fresh, and untainted. Just like my sweet baby boys are! I slept in the recliner about a week ago when my acid reflux was so bad I couldn't lay down and that seemed to be the only solution. I predict that will occur again sometime over the next 9 weeks.

Next, have thoroughly enjoyed my baby showers, but have no pictures to produce of them. I forgot my camera every time, so I have to rely upon others to send me their pictures. If any of you are reading this, please hear my plea and send pics. Otherwise, y'all will just have to settle for my words which are that they were so fun! My first one was hosted by my Aunt Vicky and Cousin Molly (and Mom had lots to do with it as well). It was just great seeing everyone from my home town and getting to visit with my family and friends for a bit. We received our Graco DuoGlider Tandem stroller and both Graco Snugride car seats along with 2 extra bases and lots of other great stuff too!

Great weekend with Mothers Day on Sunday, but it did spark a lot of overdoing it which led me to finally identify that I was indeed having contractions. I had been having the muscle flexing sensation infrequently for a few of weeks, but hadn't figured out they were contractions! Anyway, I had 5 for the first hour and slowed down to 4 or less after I drank a lot of water and put my feet up to rest. But, this started something I'll discuss in more detail later.

Second baby shower was hosted by my SIL, Connie, and BF, Stephanie. It included local friends and family. It was great as well! And my nieces, Lauren (14) and Emma (12), got involved and planned the shower games. It was so sweet of them! Such a beautiful shower and the cake was delicious! Steve's Aunt owns a pie shop in town and makes the BEST pies and cakes. She made my shower cake and I swear it was the best I've ever had! Mouth-watering delicious!! We got lots of much needed stuff, including our PNP/Twin Bassinet, Exersaucer and tons of other awesome stuff. Thanks to all for the fantastic gifts!

Finally, my work colleagues threw a little baby shower for me and another friend/co-worker, who is due at the same time as me, yesterday. Loved it! Got my above mentioned PPB diaper bag, FP Rainforest swing, Halo SleepSacks, Avent bottles and a BRU gift card! Such fun and so thoughtful of all of them!

Since I don't have shower pics, I'll post some belly pics. One with the belly "hidden" under clothes and the other with the belly just hanging out!

Had a good peri appt last week. Luke weighed 2lbs3oz and Harry weighed 2lbs5oz. My cervix was still long at 3.9cm and showed no signs of opening. Because of this, the peri wasn't overly concerned about the BH contractions I've been having, but did tell me to watch to see if they became regular and exceed 5 in an hour. Luke's heartrate was 147 and Harry's was 137; Luke was still vertex and Harry still breech.

Fast forward a few days, to this past Tuesday. Worked a normal work day for me, which includes lots of driving, walking, and standing. I did have several contractions throughout the day but hadn't really been counting them well. At the end of the day, I decided to head over to BRU to exchange some outfits that didn't work and get some necessities like crib sheets and onesies. I think that was the tip of the iceberg for me. Starting having many contractions and decided I needed to go home, rest, drink water and count properly. After doing this, I was timing 6 contractions at regular 10 minute intervals. I called my OB the second hour when I'd hit 5 regular ones and they didn't seem to be fading. I was promptly told to head into L&D.

I can now check the first trip to L&D off my list of things to do. My nurse was super nice, which made the experience better. Contractions did not decrease after being admitted, so she gave me my first dose of terbutaline. It worked! Finally got to zero contractions early Wednesday morning, so we were discharged. Followed up with OB later and she gave me a prescription of it to take as needed. However, the drug really made me feel like crap, therefore I will only be taking it when absolutely necessary. Anyway, cervix is still great (actually measured 4.5cm again with no signs of funneling). Have another OB appt next Tuesday. That will be my testing date for GD, so please everyone say prayers that I pass. I love carbs. I really do.

The only good thing that came from all of this was an extended u/s at OB's office on Wed. My u/s tech was able to get some great 3D shots of my beautiful Baby Luke, so here they are. As you all know, I'm an equal opportunity Mommy (EOM), so it pains me to have no photos of Baby Harry (he was facing inward, so all we saw were his back and legs), but I tell him he's beautiful all the time and give him some extra Mommy love pats.

One last thing, Steve and I established the boys first names early on (I think week 8 or something crazy like that). But, we still haven't reached an agreement on our middle names. A little background to some of the names-Paul is my Dad's first name, Lee is my Mom's middle name, Edgar is Steve's Dad's middle name, Steve's first name is Stephen (as is my brother's), and Edward is a name that holds a special place in my heart and mind and those of you who know me well know why. So it's poll time again! Cast your vote and let me know which names you prefer!!

Okay the last thing-for those AI fans out there, you may be sad to not be able to cast votes again until next season, so humor me and let me know your thoughts. Btw, I am a total Adam fan. So, I was disappointed. Kris seems like a really nice guy and has a good voice, but he just doesn't have the talent that Adam does. Adam will be a ROCK STAR. It's so good to see real talent come out of Idol. Kris is better than someone like Taylor Hicks for sure, but I don't feel he'll reach real stardom like only Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood have been able to do as past winners.

3D/4D U/S pics...

So we headed into a local pregnancy massage center to get our 3D/4D u/s yesterday. I was a little bummed that we didn't get better pictures, but oh well, we did get pictures! Luke was head down was his face towards my back and Harry was transverse with his big feet and and legs in front of his face! But as promised, here are some pics. I do think they look different, so again, pretty convinced we've got fraternals in there! Here is a pic of Baby Luke, who the u/s tech thinks looks like me, and with Harry's legs in his face (poor baby)...



And here is a pic of Baby Harry, who I think looks like Steve...



And finally, a pic of them looking at each other! I can't tell which one is which (bad Mommy!), but one is turned inward looking right and the other is turned inward looking left.



Thanks for checking out my boys!! Off to my baby shower later today, so will post nursery pics and shower pics soon! Happy Mother's Day to each of you out there. I feel that includes those still struggling with infertility, as I always felt I was a Mother in my heart before they were ever in my uterus. Love you all!

Why does time move so quickly?

I think I'm the world's worst blogger. Oh well. Something's gotta give, right? Anyway, I thought I'd at least put a post up with some updates. Above is a twin pic at 24 weeks from BabyCenter.

First of all, my biggest time sucker, work, has gotten the best of me the last couple of weeks. I'm just downright beat when I get home after driving. My back has really been bothering me A LOT over the last week, so I decided I at least needed a massage. Getting my first one since becoming pregnant this Friday (also same day as my 3D/4D u/s)!! Yippee! But, my OB also has helped matters. She put me on some travel restrictions that began last Thursday. I'm not supposed to be driving more than 60-90 minutes from home anymore. That's really good. My back began hurting last week when I did a 3 hour drive on Monday, followed with a 5 hour drive on Wednesday and finally, a 4 hour drive on Thursday. No wonder, huh? I think she would've been fine to leave the restrictions at 60 minutes, but I pushed the limit to 90 so that I could accommodate my Louisville customers.

Yes, I'm an overachieving idiot who feels too much obligation to help everyone else around me. Always have. Case in point: I was in group therapy one semester in college to work on some "stuff". At the end of the semester, everyone was talking about how much they had gained from the group. I couldn't (and incidentally none of the other group participants or leaders) come up with one thing I had actually worked on to help me. I spent the entire semester trying to help others get better without ever talking about myself or working on my own issues. That's who I am. I really hate that sometimes about me. Here I am: pregnant with twins. When do I start putting them first? I'm tired and you're getting a non-perky Jill writing this post.

Obviously, I had my 24 week OB appt. on Thursday based on above. Things went well. Boys are both doing well and my cervix still is cooperating. Luke is head down, but Harry is breech. No other changes to discuss and next appt. is with peri on May 14. Will get to experience the glucose challenge test at next OB appt. Can't wait for that one (lol). Crossing fingers that all goes well. Love carbs-fixed spaghetti for dinner earlier!

Biggest news: nursery is almost complete! Just have to hang valances and get some wall art and that's about it! We were able to move quickly with the nursery after I changed my mind and decided against hardwood and got new carpet laid instead. I realize hardwood would've looked better, but there was going to be a delay of a few weeks to get it installed and honestly, I was nearing a "nursery break down". Yes, I'm only 25 weeks, but I was having dreams and strong anxiety about babies arriving early with no room of their own. I realize some people wait until after the baby (don't know any twin Moms) is born to decorate nursery. I am not wired that way and need to accomplish things that are in my control while that's still possible, so I'm happy with my change of mind. So, first we got the walls painted and then we got the carpet removed and new carpet laid. Next, my chair was delivered from LaZBoy. Then, my Dad and Steve put the cribs together! My favorite moment of all-putting on the bedding (thanks for your help Carolyn!!). Finally, the changing table and chest of drawers were brought upstairs from the garage. Sorry for the play-by-play without pictures. Can you take pity on a tired pregnant lady and give me a few more days to download? I promise to do so, hopefully in next post.

Oh, other things we've done in the past week: got our home re-financed at a great new rate!, gathered items for a yard sale (thanks Mom and Vicky for your help in selling the items!), attended an out-of-town wedding, attended a parenting seminar (yes, I'm a little nutty, but it was a great topic about getting kids to explore the outside more often and basically what kinds of kids we're raising today with no outdoor playtime and exploration in nature), working on finalizing on new trust documents before the boys arrive, I got new manager at work who began last week, and finally (not so much me on this one) getting basement back in order after painters have completed their work. It looks great! Carpet getting cleaned this week so that I can put that project to rest! Lots of nesting going on in my home right now. Yay!!

A 25-week update from BabyCenter: "Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. His weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but he's beginning to exchange his long, lean look for some baby fat. As he does, his wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and he'll start to look more and more like a newborn. He's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture."

23 weeks

First of all, Steve's grandmother died on Monday, so we had the funeral today. She is in peace now and we are at peace with that. I do get saddened when I think of the boys never getting to meet her, but we'll just have to be sure to tell them her funny stories and describe to them what a great lady she was.

Still working on basement, but will have Maggie fully moved down there this weekend. So, I will have all of her furniture moved out of the soon-to-be nursery very soon. We are planning to put lots of stuff in a neighborhood garage sale on Saturday, so we are cleaning the house over the next couple of days. First thing on the nursery list is to remove the carpet so we can start putting down hardwood. I have all of the babies furniture in the garage, just waiting to move them upstairs as soon as possible. Painting room a pretty green (sage) color. I promise to take pictures!

Also getting excited about my upcoming baby showers! My Aunt Vicky and Cousin Molly are hosting my first shower in my hometown on May 9th. Here is the sweet invitation...



And Molly came up with this creative little insert-love it!! So cute!!



My second baby shower will take place on May 17th. My SIL and BF are hosting this one. It's my local shower which will include friends and family. Thanks Connie and Stephanie-love you both very much! Can't wait!

From BabyCenter this week..."Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With his sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that he's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see him squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in his lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing him for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze him when he hears them outside the womb."

22 weeks and babies have surpassed 1 lb!!

Harry Face Pic

Luke Face Pic



Mommy Belly Pic



Good check-up this week at the perinatologist office. Harry weighs in at 1 lb 4 oz. and Luke is close at 1 lb 3 oz, which is right on schedule! This is so exciting to me as I've always thought of this as being a big milestone. Both looked perfect and actually were very well-behaved during the u/s. And my cervix was closed, measured 4.5cm, and had no funneling, so no signs of pre-term labor. Woohoo!

Unfortunately, we don't have great pics this week. The u/s tech didn't do a good job at getting some good pics for us. I found myself saying "That's a good picture" just to get her to take one and print it out. Oh well. We've had her 3 different times, so I should be used to it, but I'd really rather have someone else.

On a sad note, Steve's grandmother fell this week and hit her head. She suffered a hemorrhagic stroke and won't make it out of this. She is 90, but was in overall good health. We will miss her very much. I'm sad that our boys won't get to meet her. We really didn't see this coming.

Per Baby Center this week-"At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily."

Finally, one of my dear friends got her long-awaited and well-deserved positive pregnancy test this week. If you don't know Emily, please stop by and wish her congratulations! I'm so happy for her!!

21 weeks and I finally get the stranger acknowledgement

I am pregnant, no doubt about it. I kept wondering when I was gonna receive the "Congrats on your pregnancy" from random strangers. Finally got it a few days ago!

Steve and I were at the horse track on Sunday, which I might add did not benefit us financially at all. I never cashed one ticket. But we had fun. Anyway, I headed off to the ladies room and got in line. Then all of a sudden the lead gal in line says, "Momma-you can jump in front of us. You get the next open stall." I was thrilled for 2 reasons: 1) someone was being so kind as to actually think of a pregnant gal and 2) a stranger acknowledged my bulging belly! I laughed at the lady and told her that I would've taken her up on it in my first trimester, but my bladder is a little better now that I'm in my second. She went ahead as scheduled, but the next lady wasn't letting me get out of it so quickly. She insisted I should go before her anyway. I obliged. What sweet people!

Pregnant belly very obvious to strangers: CHECK!

So, I'm on to 21 weeks this week. Things are going well. I love feeling the babies move. I love talking to them. I also bought them their very first book this week: "Goodnight Moon." One of my favorites when I was a little girl. I have been reading it to them at night before we go to sleep. I can't wait for our nightly storytime when they get here.

I realize that last line was a very positive statement. I hope these babies will stay in their current home for another 16 weeks. I really do. I worry a lot (I know, I know) that something will happen and I'll deliver early. This week a girl from one of my message boards (many of you may know or at least heard her story over the past week) gave birth to her twins at 24w1d. Her son died 2 days later and her daughter died the following day after him. How completely and utterly tragic. That's only 2.5 weeks from now at this point in my pregnancy. Too soon, too scary, too real. Also, scratching "24 week viability" from my vocabulary and brain. Obviously, some babies aren't viable at 24 weeks.

From Baby Center and The Bump this week: "Your baby now weighs about 13.9 ounces and is approximately 10.5 inches long — the length of a carrot or a banana. You may soon feel like he's practicing martial arts as his initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to his activity as you get to know him better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now. Baby also gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid every day, both for hydration and nutrition and to practice swallowing and digesting. And, these days, those taste buds actually work! Studies show that after birth, babies are most interested in tastes they've already experienced through amniotic fluid. Meaning, think about what you want your future child to eat as you prepare your own lunch."