Another Day In PAIR-adise

Bye for now...

2009-11-03T22:00:00.006-05:00

I may resume blogging at some point in the future. I don't know when that will be though...so here are some parting shots of my beautiful boys from this past Halloween weekend...

Harry is quickly growing his hair back in after it fell out recently. And Luke is trying so hard to find his thumb-it's so cute. So incredibly blessed to have these handsome boys in my life! I love them more than words!!

I know some people can manage blogging and babies and I think that's great, but I'm really just too busy and just don't have the focus to do it right now. I think of blogging subjects all the time, but seems like I can't ever seem to write them down! So thanks to everyone for following my journey over the past couple of years-I truly appreciate all of you and your kind words of support. I wish you all the very best in life!!

Very belated birth story

2009-09-28T23:50:00.005-04:00

I started writing this in August, but am just getting a chance to finally post it. Insane!! So busy, but will try to update more often. Thank you all so much for all of your sweet comments and well wishes! So lucky to be Luke & Harry's Mom. :-)

I was admitted to hospital for the 5th time on July 11th. I thought I'd felt a trickle of fluid escape in the middle of the night while getting up for a routine bathroom visit. It just didn't feel normal. After posting about it on the Bump, I decided that I'd better call in the latest issue. Oh, and my OB had left that morning for vacation for a week, so that's a good sign that something was about to happen (lol). Anyway, I was admitted and they checked to see if I was leaking amniotic fluid. Turns out, I was not, so I assumed it was another admission with no babies being born.

But, after running some labwork, they discovered my platelets had fallen again from just the previous day in the office. Also, my blood pressure was continuing to rise. So, I stayed overnight in hospital. On Sunday, July 12 (the day I turned 35 weeks), my platelets had fallen to 102,000, BP had remained elevated at greater than 140/90, and swelling persisted. So, I was finally given the clinical diagnosis of pre-eclampsia. My favorite memory-the OB on-call (Dr. O) came in to tell me of my recent labwork values and my Dad and I were just hanging out in the room watching Law & Order re-runs and reading magazines. Dr. O discussed his fear of my platelets falling anymore and heading into major abdominal surgery with potential clotting difficulties. He said: "We're going to take the babies." I said: "That sounds good. What day will that be? (thinking sometime the next week)" He said: "Tonight at 7pm." I said: "Oh my!"

And the flurry of phone calls began. Steve and Mom were notified first and both were astonished! We were having babies! Everyone else was soon notified. I spent the next couple of hours anticipating the big event! Below is a picture of us right before I was wheeled back into the OR.

I went down to the OR around 7:30pm for prepping. Steve waited in the hallway, putting on his Dad garb: hat, gown, shoe covers. Meanwhile in the OR, I was busy getting my epidural. It was pretty easy and didn't hurt at all-so glad for that. I spent the next half hour or so being my usual self and talking to everyone in the room. From the techs to the anesthesiologist to the neonatologists to the nurses to Dr. O, I talked non-stop to all of them! I think it was a nervous side effect of the epidural as Steve said I was REALLY talkative. I was definitely numb though and ready to start the surgery.

Anyway, I was able to see the entire surgery on the table mirror overhead, despite the big drape covering our immediate view. It was great. I was able to see my boys being pulled out! First was my full dark-haired little Luke (Lucas Edgar). He was born at 8:30pm weighing 5lbs 9 oz and was 18 inches. Below is the first pic of Luke and me. :-)

Then after what seemed like 10 minutes, but was only 2 minutes, baby Harry (Harrison Paul) arrived at 8:32pm from his frank breech position weighing 6 lbs 4 oz and was also 18 inches. Funniest OR moment: Steve's initial thought when he saw Harry was that he was the "baldest Harry" he'd ever seen (lol). Turns out Steve was not aware he was looking at his butt and thought it was the back of his head. Ha. Anyway, Harry does indeed have hair and isn't bald at all. Steve was able to walk Luke into the nursery, but Harry stayed behind for some very brief breathing issues. He recovered quickly was able to join Luke soon thereafter in the nursery. I will never forget hearing their first cries. What emotional moments they were for me-I cried both times!! I didn't get an OR pic of Harry and me due to the early breathing issues and Steve leaving the room with Luke. So, my first Harry pic was in the middle of the hallway heading back to my room. It also happened to be the first time I held both babies and their first picture together. Again, I was very emotional. What a night!

Following the surgery, I went to the Recovery Room until I was stable. I was then sent back to my room about an hour later. I had to be put on a Magnesium Sulfate drip however since I'd had blood pressure and other issues prior to the delivery due to the pre-eclampsia. I remained on it until about 4pm the next day. I felt awful. What a nasty drug. It truly felt like I had the flu. Anyway, I was able to be moved to the Mother/Baby unit after getting off the drug. It felt like I was finally a new Mother after the move occurred!

I was able to have the boys move in with me very soon though-about 2 hours after delivery! They looked so cute all bundled up sleeping together in their little hospital bed. I kept them sleeping together up until just recently. It just killed me to separate them, but they were waking each other up and we are desperate for sleep around this house!

The rest is kinda routine-lots of visitors in and out for the next few days, slowly regaining strength and beginning to walk a little, learning how to breastfeed and pump, incision soreness, etc. I was discharged with both boys on July 16th. I can't believe I was so lucky to go home with both of them! I felt anxious to know that we were being sent home to be parents without the hospital nurses around to ask all kinds of questions to at all hours of the night. But we survived. :) Here's the lovely "hospital issue" photo of the boys...no sarcasm here (lol)...

And that's the condensed, all I can remember, 11 weeks later, birth story. At least I captured a few details I really wanted to remember before pregnancy brain erases forever my dear memories.

Welcome to the world Lucas and Harrison

2009-07-22T09:14:00.003-04:00

That's right-I actually have a reasonable excuse this time for my delay in blogging: my babies are here!!!!!! They arrived the day after my last post. Exactly 35 weeks-you guys are so smart as I look over at my poll!!

I think I'll break the birth story down into a couple of blog entries, but I'll just start off with the brief info everyone wants to know. On Sunday, July 12th, 2009, Lucas Edgar (Baby A) was born at 8:30pm and weighed 5 lbs 9 oz and he was 18 inches long. Harrison Paul (Baby B) was born at 8:32pm and weighed 6 lbs 4 oz and was also 18 inches long. I had them via C-section as I had developed pre-eclampsia and the docs decided not to wait any further to deliver them.

Baby Luke has the fullest head of black hair and most beautiful little face.

Baby Harry has lighter brown hair and has the best smiles and roaming blue eyes.

I think they have similar facial features. Suffice it to say, we are just completely in love with both of them.

Both boys are doing fantastic. We all left the hospital together on July 16. It's just absolutely amazing to be a new Mother to these precious boys. I'm learning how to be their Mother better each and every day. We are even tandem breastfeeding. :-)

Love to all and thanks for all the support. I'll write my birth story as soon as I get a chance, but haven't had a moment since delivery to even put this post up! Sleeping is critical these days!!

Still pregnant...

2009-07-11T11:03:00.008-04:00

Just wanted to pop on here and let everyone know that I'm still pregnant. Will be 35 weeks tomorrow! Yippee!

Had a pretty good appt yesterday. NST was good and both babies were reactive with good accelerations and good heartrates. My BP was high again, but not 140/90, so no one ever seems to care about it. Pitting edema still present in feet and am beginning to swell significantly again in my feet and only slightly in my hands. Ctx present as always, but not greater than 5/hour. Had labwork drawn again: my liver enzymes are still elevated (but not much changed from before) and my platelets had dropped again to 140,000. Cervical check did not go well. She couldn't tell how dilated I was?? Tried twice but she said it was too far back, so no result and that was sheer agony and pain for me. Did a cervical u/s and cervix still thick at 2.8 cm. Told her other OB in group measured me 2.5 weeks ago and I was 1cm, so wtf?

Started having PMS-like cramps after the cervical check that lasted until about 9pm. Took some Tylenol and got into the bathtub to help relieve them. I've been told that they don't like to do cervical checks for this reason-easy to bring on labor. I've been having some painful ctx today, and have been counting anywhere from 4-7/hour. Had a weird experience early this morning while waking up for my hourly bathroom ritual: trickled fluid that I don't think was urine, so maybe was amniotic fluid? Wasn't a gush of water, so would be doubtful that my water has broken, but who knows. Getting ready to call OB here in a minute. Fear the phone call will usher in our 5th admission. Here I go again...

Here is the 35th week (hope I'm not being premature in posting a 35 week update!) info from BabyCenter: "Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight."

Also, didn't post the twins in the womb pic from 32 weeks, so here it is very belated:

Finally, got a updated 3D image of Baby Luke this week, so thought I'd pass it along too. Of course there is the placenta and some feet in his way, but still a face picture. Can't wait to see if these images are pretty accurate!!

Hospital Admission: Take Four........And Action!

2009-07-07T23:24:00.002-04:00

Sorry for my posting delay. Again. I just don't seem to be able to keep up very well. I'm always astonished that I ever get comments since I'm so inconsistent. So for those of you who hang in there with me, thanks. For the others, I totally understand: BORING!

Okay, I'll get to the story of my 4th hospital admission. After my previous post, I had an OB appt on the next day. I weighed a scary 14 lbs heavier than the week before. Somehow, this was not alarming to my OB?? She originally brushed it off as "normal." I had already decided that it definitely wasn't normal. The alarming factor for her: my shortness of breath and by that time I had also completely lost my voice. I was admitted following the appt for these latest developments.

I was admitted to rule out cardiomyopathy, pulmonary edema, pre-eclampsia, or a bad reaction to my dose of Procardia 20mg every 4 hours. I had an echocardiogram that revealed mitral valve prolapse (which I already had from several years ago) and a new tricuspid valve regurgitation, but I was informed that this is common in pregnancies-especially multiples. So, good news was no cardiomyopathy. As for the pulmonary edema, I also didn't have this by definition.

I was taken off all Procardia at the OB appt and therefore didn't have any more of the blood pressure med once I was admitted to the hospital. With the pre-eclampsia potential diagnosis, my blood pressure never really shot up out of control after going off the meds, so that was really comforting. I also did a 24 hour urine to check for protein, which came back normal. Some of my labwork was of concern, particularly my liver enzymes and platelets. The liver enzymes were elevated, which can occur with pre-e, and my platelets dropped 60,000 from the time I was admitted until the day I was discharged (yes, I really got discharged). I'm still concerned about them because if platelets drop too low, it can mean lots of things, but particular to my condition, would preclude me from getting a spinal or epidural due to the fact that my blood would have trouble clotting. Therefore, I would get general anesthesia for my C-section. That would really sadden me as I would feel cheated in my birth experience. Finally, I have this great fear about bleeding out (and dying) on the OR table following the incisions into my abdomen and uterus if my platelets are too low. Yes, highly unlikely, but a fear just the same. Much more likely would be that I get platelet transfusions to get them back to reasonable level.

Over 3 days, I lost all 14 lbs. I felt like a new woman. Granted I went to the bathroom every hour and was able to donate between 300-500 cc each time! It definitely was the easiest weight loss I've ever achieved. Would love to figure out how to do this in the post-partum. Anyway, after shedding the ridiculous swelling (hard to call it a weight gain) and high blood pressure and protein in the urine never making their appearance, I was discharged. Also, I was able to avoid mag sulfate by keeping my contractions between 4-8/hr. So, I'm officially not on any meds to stop my labor.

And that brings me up-to-date. I still have ctx, but not painful, so I'm not calling the OB until I have regular, painful ctx that are close together (ie, in true labor with progressing dilation) or my water breaks. Of course, if I start exhibiting any signs of pre-eclampsia, then that would send me to delivery. But otherwise, I'm in it for the long haul.

They did growth scans on the babies today: Harry (our future NFL lineman) weighs 5 lbs 14 oz and Luke was 4 lbs 13 oz. No one (other than Steve and me) seems bothered at all by their weight discrepancies. Peri and OB both said they are fraternal and it's therefore like two separate pregnancies. They have both been scoring 8/8 on their biophysical profiles, so that's great! And, my cervix is still hanging in there at 2.8cm. So to sum it all up, we are all doing okay. I thought for sure I would deliver them last week, but I'm feeling and doing much better now, so maybe we're going all the way to 38 weeks. Who knows anymore!

What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right?

2009-06-25T20:45:00.004-04:00

I sure hope so...

Been another rough week. Was in the hospital from Mon-Wed with pre-term labor. Only about 1 cm dilated and cervix is still pretty thick at 3cm, but still having lots and lots of contractions, some of which are now painful. I got my steroids on this trip to the hospital and got lucky in that I didn't have to get Mag Sulfate! Only increased my Procardia dose from 10 to 20mg and the contractions began to improve.

There are consequences of course to this new dose: LOTS of swelling and shortness of breath. I can't really speak normally anymore, can only whisper. But the real story is the swelling. OMG. From my hips down to my toes, I'm at least 3 times my normal size. I can't walk really, just kinda shuffle along since I can't bend my feet and lost my ankles a few weeks ago. My knees don't bend either, which makes going to the bathroom every hour definitely more tedious. I kept showing my swollen legs and feet to docs and nurses in the hospital and none seemed to be overly concerned. Hmm...I guess I could chalk it up to my new Procardia dose of 20mg. Just not sure this is normal to me. And, not that I can see the lower ankle area, but my Mom and Aunt said that my bottom feet were turning a little bluish gray color, obviously indicating poor circulation. Just trying to figure out if this is normal or abnormal! Go back in am for another OB appt.

Boys are still growing well. Luke measures in at 4lbs 4 oz and Harry measures in at 4 lbs 13 oz. Yay! They are the only reason I'm hanging in there. I know that sounds like a "duh" statement, but seriously, I don't think I could be doing any of this if it were for myself. I am miserable! If it were me, I would've gone to a dr and said "fix me" several weeks ago! But keeping them at the forefront, I keep thinking I can hang in there for a short period of time. I would like both to be weighing in at 5 lbs, so that should be around 34 weeks. That's 10 more days. That's my goal. Anything beyond that is great, but that's all I think I can do. I'm looking at my poll results thus far and realize that you all have a lot more faith in me than I do in myself! I'm relying on my faith and hope to get me through, but my goodness it's hard!

Thanks for all your kind and sweet remarks on the below post. You all are the best. Trying to get caught back up on your blogs soon!

"I will survive"

2009-06-21T23:29:00.007-04:00

Well, today marks another milestone day: 32 weeks! It also kicks off my new "I will survive" campaign. I hope I can make it all the way to term (37 weeks) for the babies sake. But for me, I'm pretty miserable right now. I can't imagine 5 more weeks! Please no mean comments! I know that probably sounds bad and sounds as if I am putting myself before my boys. But, I swear, I am really running out of steam and definitely not enjoying being pg anymore. I am totally grateful to be pg with these boys and to have come through all we have to get here, but my body just wasn't designed to carry this much weight and two babies. I truly believe that!

For those of you asking on my last post, I'm on modified bedrest and have been for the last couple of weeks. I limit my trips up and down the steps to a few times a day for meals. But, I have my little portable refrigerator plugged up in my bedroom so that I don't have to walk downstairs for snacks, etc anymore. So, where does it hurt? Well, I hurt all the time from bad round ligament pain. I can't get comfortable to go to sleep for very long at night or even naps during the day because of this unrelenting abdominal pain. And this is normal. Okay...

Then, my back aches are just downright disabling. I can't walk upright sometimes. If I could have a strong fist (or tennis ball) at all times in my right shoulder blade, that would be really helpful. I've been told by my doctors that a massage can trigger pre-term labor with me, so those are out. But I will defy them and definitely have another massage again around 36 weeks if I make it that far (which despite all of my above complaints, I still hope to be pg by then). And my knees really hurt too. I guess it's just from too much weight to carry around.

So how big am I? Take a look for yourself, 32 week belly pic...

Let see, there's also the constipation factor. It is HORRIBLE, but I guess I'm lucky since I've had no hemorrhoids so far. And then there is the swollen leg, feet and ankles. I don't fit into shoes anymore (although I have 1 pair of flip flops I cram them into for drs appts). Also, my hands are swollen and I think I've developed carpal tunnel syndrome since I have lots of pain with my right hand especially. My understanding is the swelling causes nerve compression and pain, which leads to carpal tunnel. I guess this is sort of a good excuse for not posting as often as I should (just kidding!). Lucky for me, there's not a lot to do, so I take naps whenever I want during the day! Trying to do what everyone says and rest up before they get here! But, the swelling isn't reduced with rest or elevation. I don't appear to have pre-eclampsia for now (yay!), but they're watching me closely for it.

I'm actually really enjoying bedrest. Haven't missed work at all. Haha. I have a little "project of the day" and set out to accomplish it, whatever it may be. It's nice to get things checked off the to-do list! I haven't turned on any daytime TV yet and hope I don't! I can see myself getting sucked into those soap operas, talk shows, etc. I feel productive this way and so far haven't even thought about TV.

Finally, here are last weeks u/s pictures of my chubby cheeks baby, Harrison. It doesn't appear he's been skipping out on too many meals (little sugar baby)! I love the first one with him yawning and his arms lifted up, how precious?!! Steve told the ultrasonographer how we never got a good 3D pic of Harry. So, she spent a little extra time and took pictures, while he was lying transverse under my ribs. Lucas was in his normal cramped position, head down facing my back, so no pics of him. But we get to see/meet them very soon!!

"I gots da suga"

2009-06-13T16:09:00.003-04:00

I'm quoting my husband on this one. Background story: Christmas 2008 my Dad's side of our family rented a great lake house to spend the holiday season. We played some games, one of which included a game I can't honestly remember the name of, but it was lots of fun. We played on 2 teams of 4 people and you passed around a little screen that displayed a word. The goal was to guess the word as fast as possible and pass the little screen on to the person sitting next to you of the opposing team. Anyway, Steve got the word "diabetes" on the screen. All he said in his description was "I gots da suga" and sadly, we guessed diabetes instantly. Being that we live in Kentucky, there are lots and lots of people with "the suga."

I failed my 3 hour glucose tolerance test last week and therefore was informed I do indeed have gestational diabetes. I was stunned as I only failed the first test (glucose challenge) by 1 point. I guess I already knew I was at a higher risk since I had the following risk factors: 1) I have PCOS and was on Metformin last year; 2) I'm pg with multiples; and 3) have a family history with my Dad and Grandma. Yes, I did eat some extra ice cream during the pg, and I have craved carbs moreso than usual. Then, of course I had the cardinal signs-frequent urination, frequent thirst, frequent hunger, and fatigue. But I am pregnant, so all of these things seemed normal, right?

But, it would seem I do indeed have diabetes. I check my glucose 4 times a day (fasting in morning, and then 2 hours after every meal). I watch what I eat, when I eat, and most importantly what foods I eat together. I learned all of this after my extensive diabetes nurse educator and nutritionist consults in the hospital earlier this week.

That's right: 2nd trip to L&D is in the bag. How did that happen? Well, it was what you might call a series of unfortunate events. I went in for an unscheduled visit on Monday due to some bad cramping and lower abdominal pain (which after all I went through over my 3 hour office visit, we never found the cause). It was my OB's surgery day, so I had to see an ARNP as all the other physicians schedules were filled with their own patients. I will admit that I kinda lost it when delivered the gestational diabetes news. I cried and let my hormones get the best of me. I am pregnant afer all. Then the ARNP decided I needed to have my cervix checked to ensure I wasn't dilating or softening. I will tell all of you, this hurts like hell. Really. I read lots of blogs and don't recall anyone ever complaining about this pain. So, this warning is for the rest of you behind me. It sucks. But, at least I wasn't dilated or effacing.

So, I'm still crying from my diabetes diagnosis and now my body feels completely violated (again), then the ARNP declares I'm getting a non-stress test (NST). Um, that sounds like a good idea. I'm totally stressed out and crying, so let's do a stress test. After she hooked up me and the boys, my contractions were coming regularly every 5 mins and Luke was in distress with HRs in the 170s (he is normally in the 140s). She consults with another OB and then the OB comes in to tell me I'm not heading home after todays appt. And she wants to get aggressive: admit me to the hospital, give me Mag and steroids to help the babies lungs develop. I suggested a more conservative approach: try taking my Procardia and just see if the ctx went away with that first.

After being admitted to the hospital, my ctx had increased to every 3-4 mins. However, the Procardia started kicking in and that spaced out the ctx to every 7-8 mins. They administered a shot of terbutaline (even though I'm slightly allergic with rash, itch, etc) and it got them under better control. By morning I was having about 3-4 ctx an hour, which isn't too bad given our state of affairs. I should say that I wouldn't have argued against the Mag (ie, "flu in a bag") and steroids if I clinically needed it, but happy my approach worked in the end. Upon discharge, my OB did say that I would get both at my next admission. Hmm...seems like she knows there will be another L&D admission before we deliver...Actually, I totally expect it too, just a matter of when.

Growth scans of the babies revealed that Lucas weighs 3 lbs 6 oz and Harrison weighs 3 lbs 13 oz. They are big boys. So, thanks to my new diagnosis of Gestational Diabetes, I have new nicknames for all of us: I'm just a Sugar Momma totally in love with her Sugar Babies. :-) I loved Sugar Babies candy when I was little, so seems fitting. Cervix is measuring around 3.7cm these days, but is still closed with no signs of dilation or effacing. Finally, was discharged to home after my diabetes teaching.

Follow up appt yesterday went well overall I suppose. Both babies doing well, Momma is okay for now. However, my swelling/pitting edema has gotten really bad, I've gained 2lbs in just a few days, I'm having some visual changes, and lastly my normally low (100/60 or less) bp has risen to (124/80). And keep in mind I'm on Procardia every 4 hours which actually is decreaing my bp! So, they are going to be keeping a careful eye on me next week in hopes that some of these signs of pre-eclampsia go away. I really hope they do as it can be a scary condition.

Letter to my sons

2009-06-02T07:54:00.001-04:00

Boys,

Today is Mommy's birthday. And you don't know it, but for many years my birthday wishes have been for you to come into my life. Every wish made and every tear shed seem to be more of a distant memory with each passing day. My precious, sweet, innocent sons-quite simply: I can't wait to meet you.

Even though I haven't held you yet in my arms, you've held a place in my heart long before you were ever conceived. I've prayed for you, cried for you, and have gone through a lot of heartache to have you. But, I can tell you that it was all worth it. Through everything, I never lost sight of you, never lost hope that I would one day meet you, and you gave me the strength I needed to persevere. Every time I see your little hands and feet, and hear your perfect beating hearts on ultrasounds, I smile. You make me so happy.

I remember the day (Dec. 3, 2008) when I found out I was pregnant with you. That will be one of the best days of my life! What a surprise to know it had finally happened! And then another beautiful day was the day I discovered you both made it and were nestled away inside Mommy's belly-the day of our first ultrasound (Dec. 26, 2008). Daddy and I saw the screen and both immediately knew we were pregnant with twins before the Doctor ever told us. We were so happy-best Day after Christmas present ever!

As you continue to grow in my belly, I am thankful for each additional day you stay inside me and grow. I first felt you kick when I was 18 weeks pregnant, but Daddy couldn't feel you for a few more weeks on the outside of my belly. He loves you both very much as well. I have loved watching you grow every two weeks. You are going to be such big, strong boys! I still enjoy to feel every kick and every movement you make inside me. And you should know that the love both Daddy and I feel for you grows each and every day.

I have had a great pregnancy thanks to you both. I haven't been sick the first day and have generally felt good this whole time. You are the sweetest children for helping Mommy to have a relatively easy pregnancy. I can only pray that you'll continue to help me to have a good pregnancy by not trying to enter this world too early. I need you to stay put for a little less than 2 months. I want more than anything to have you both big and healthy at delivery so that we can take you home with us when I leave the hospital.

I love singing to you, playing songs for you, patting you through my belly and reading to you. I hope you will recognize some of the songs I sing and some of the books I read when we are in your nursery together. I apologize for crying every time I read you "Guess How Much I Love You," but it pretty much sums up how I feel about you.

You make me want to be a better person. I find myself thinking of ways I need to change to be the Mother you deserve. I want to be the best Mommy in the world to you both. I know I will make lots of mistakes along the way, but no matter what, I love you more than anything. I've never known such a powerful, unconditional love before. You will always have Mommy's heart, so please be gentle with it and take care of it.

I want you to know that you can come to me with any problem you may encounter along your life's journey. And even though I know that I won't be able to fix everything for you, I will give you my love and support. You'll teach me probably more about life than I will ever be able to teach you.

You are coming into this world with lots of people loving you so, so much. But, I'm pretty sure no one could ever love you as much as your Mommy does. So, remember, you still have to be Mommy's little boys! Know this-I have loved you forever and will love you forever. I promise to always be there for you and no matter where you may go, I never will be far away (and hopefully will always be in your hearts, as you will always be in mine).

~Mommy

28 Weeks and definitely counting!

2009-05-28T15:02:00.005-04:00

Well, my OB appt. went pretty well this week. Cervix is still closed and long at 4.6cm, so no signs of pre-term labor. The boys seemed to look just fine on the u/s. My OB wants to start seeing me weekly now, so the next appt is on Tuesday (which happens to be my birthday!). I also had my gestational diabetes testing this week. So down went the glucose drink, that I must admit tasted like a sweet Orange Crush. Since it was cold, I just treated it like a shot of alcohol and had it down in no time. It seriously took me less than a minute (lol). Anyway, haven't heard from them yet, so maybe that's a good sign? I really hope it came back okay so I can still enjoy my carbs. I sure do love me some ice cream...

I am still dealing with the pre-term contractions, but haven't had to go back to L&D. The terbutaline was taking care of them pretty well. However, I developed an allergic reaction to it (rash, itching, swelling-yuck), so I'm not taking it anymore. My OB wrote for Procardia as needed for the contractions. I have filled it, but haven't used it yet. She claims that while both drugs worked great for pre-term contractions, there haven't been any large conclusive studies that they actually prevent pre-term labor. Therefore, I'll be taking it only when absolutely necessary to get the contractions under control.

From Baby Center this week: "By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of his head to his heels. He can blink his eyes, which now sport lashes. With his eyesight developing, he may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. He's also developing billions of neurons in his brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world." I think my boys weigh closer to 3lbs each however, based on their growth patterns!

I don't think I've got too much more in me as it relates to work. I'm so short of breath, just talking to customers wears me out! And as usual, my back KILLS me. So, my days are definitely numbered. Can't wait for a break!

Looks like we made it: 3rd trimester!!

2009-05-22T15:35:00.015-04:00

I've got the line now to that Barry Manilow song in my mind, but we are nearly there-3rd trimester begins on Sunday when I'll be 28 weeks!! Woohoo! Have got lots of updates, so bear with me for a long post.

First of all, the much promised nursery pics. I'll present them in kinda a 360 view format. We need to get the valances hung, but have them and the rods available, so that shouldn't take long. And I'll need to get some wall art, but other than that, we are finished! So here they are...oh and notice my Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag somehow makes a cameo appearance on top of the changing pad.

I just love the nursery. Everything feels so new, fresh, and untainted. Just like my sweet baby boys are! I slept in the recliner about a week ago when my acid reflux was so bad I couldn't lay down and that seemed to be the only solution. I predict that will occur again sometime over the next 9 weeks.

Next, have thoroughly enjoyed my baby showers, but have no pictures to produce of them. I forgot my camera every time, so I have to rely upon others to send me their pictures. If any of you are reading this, please hear my plea and send pics. Otherwise, y'all will just have to settle for my words which are that they were so fun! My first one was hosted by my Aunt Vicky and Cousin Molly (and Mom had lots to do with it as well). It was just great seeing everyone from my home town and getting to visit with my family and friends for a bit. We received our Graco DuoGlider Tandem stroller and both Graco Snugride car seats along with 2 extra bases and lots of other great stuff too!

Great weekend with Mothers Day on Sunday, but it did spark a lot of overdoing it which led me to finally identify that I was indeed having contractions. I had been having the muscle flexing sensation infrequently for a few of weeks, but hadn't figured out they were contractions! Anyway, I had 5 for the first hour and slowed down to 4 or less after I drank a lot of water and put my feet up to rest. But, this started something I'll discuss in more detail later.

Second baby shower was hosted by my SIL, Connie, and BF, Stephanie. It included local friends and family. It was great as well! And my nieces, Lauren (14) and Emma (12), got involved and planned the shower games. It was so sweet of them! Such a beautiful shower and the cake was delicious! Steve's Aunt owns a pie shop in town and makes the BEST pies and cakes. She made my shower cake and I swear it was the best I've ever had! Mouth-watering delicious!! We got lots of much needed stuff, including our PNP/Twin Bassinet, Exersaucer and tons of other awesome stuff. Thanks to all for the fantastic gifts!

Finally, my work colleagues threw a little baby shower for me and another friend/co-worker, who is due at the same time as me, yesterday. Loved it! Got my above mentioned PPB diaper bag, FP Rainforest swing, Halo SleepSacks, Avent bottles and a BRU gift card! Such fun and so thoughtful of all of them!

Since I don't have shower pics, I'll post some belly pics. One with the belly "hidden" under clothes and the other with the belly just hanging out!

Had a good peri appt last week. Luke weighed 2lbs3oz and Harry weighed 2lbs5oz. My cervix was still long at 3.9cm and showed no signs of opening. Because of this, the peri wasn't overly concerned about the BH contractions I've been having, but did tell me to watch to see if they became regular and exceed 5 in an hour. Luke's heartrate was 147 and Harry's was 137; Luke was still vertex and Harry still breech.

Fast forward a few days, to this past Tuesday. Worked a normal work day for me, which includes lots of driving, walking, and standing. I did have several contractions throughout the day but hadn't really been counting them well. At the end of the day, I decided to head over to BRU to exchange some outfits that didn't work and get some necessities like crib sheets and onesies. I think that was the tip of the iceberg for me. Starting having many contractions and decided I needed to go home, rest, drink water and count properly. After doing this, I was timing 6 contractions at regular 10 minute intervals. I called my OB the second hour when I'd hit 5 regular ones and they didn't seem to be fading. I was promptly told to head into L&D.

I can now check the first trip to L&D off my list of things to do. My nurse was super nice, which made the experience better. Contractions did not decrease after being admitted, so she gave me my first dose of terbutaline. It worked! Finally got to zero contractions early Wednesday morning, so we were discharged. Followed up with OB later and she gave me a prescription of it to take as needed. However, the drug really made me feel like crap, therefore I will only be taking it when absolutely necessary. Anyway, cervix is still great (actually measured 4.5cm again with no signs of funneling). Have another OB appt next Tuesday. That will be my testing date for GD, so please everyone say prayers that I pass. I love carbs. I really do.

The only good thing that came from all of this was an extended u/s at OB's office on Wed. My u/s tech was able to get some great 3D shots of my beautiful Baby Luke, so here they are. As you all know, I'm an equal opportunity Mommy (EOM), so it pains me to have no photos of Baby Harry (he was facing inward, so all we saw were his back and legs), but I tell him he's beautiful all the time and give him some extra Mommy love pats.

One last thing, Steve and I established the boys first names early on (I think week 8 or something crazy like that). But, we still haven't reached an agreement on our middle names. A little background to some of the names-Paul is my Dad's first name, Lee is my Mom's middle name, Edgar is Steve's Dad's middle name, Steve's first name is Stephen (as is my brother's), and Edward is a name that holds a special place in my heart and mind and those of you who know me well know why. So it's poll time again! Cast your vote and let me know which names you prefer!!

Okay the last thing-for those AI fans out there, you may be sad to not be able to cast votes again until next season, so humor me and let me know your thoughts. Btw, I am a total Adam fan. So, I was disappointed. Kris seems like a really nice guy and has a good voice, but he just doesn't have the talent that Adam does. Adam will be a ROCK STAR. It's so good to see real talent come out of Idol. Kris is better than someone like Taylor Hicks for sure, but I don't feel he'll reach real stardom like only Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood have been able to do as past winners.

3D/4D U/S pics...

2009-05-09T10:06:00.000-04:00

So we headed into a local pregnancy massage center to get our 3D/4D u/s yesterday. I was a little bummed that we didn't get better pictures, but oh well, we did get pictures! Luke was head down was his face towards my back and Harry was transverse with his big feet and and legs in front of his face! But as promised, here are some pics. I do think they look different, so again, pretty convinced we've got fraternals in there! Here is a pic of Baby Luke, who the u/s tech thinks looks like me, and with Harry's legs in his face (poor baby)...

And here is a pic of Baby Harry, who I think looks like Steve...

And finally, a pic of them looking at each other! I can't tell which one is which (bad Mommy!), but one is turned inward looking right and the other is turned inward looking left.

Thanks for checking out my boys!! Off to my baby shower later today, so will post nursery pics and shower pics soon! Happy Mother's Day to each of you out there. I feel that includes those still struggling with infertility, as I always felt I was a Mother in my heart before they were ever in my uterus. Love you all!

Why does time move so quickly?

2009-05-04T20:57:00.009-04:00

I think I'm the world's worst blogger. Oh well. Something's gotta give, right? Anyway, I thought I'd at least put a post up with some updates. Above is a twin pic at 24 weeks from BabyCenter.

First of all, my biggest time sucker, work, has gotten the best of me the last couple of weeks. I'm just downright beat when I get home after driving. My back has really been bothering me A LOT over the last week, so I decided I at least needed a massage. Getting my first one since becoming pregnant this Friday (also same day as my 3D/4D u/s)!! Yippee! But, my OB also has helped matters. She put me on some travel restrictions that began last Thursday. I'm not supposed to be driving more than 60-90 minutes from home anymore. That's really good. My back began hurting last week when I did a 3 hour drive on Monday, followed with a 5 hour drive on Wednesday and finally, a 4 hour drive on Thursday. No wonder, huh? I think she would've been fine to leave the restrictions at 60 minutes, but I pushed the limit to 90 so that I could accommodate my Louisville customers.

Yes, I'm an overachieving idiot who feels too much obligation to help everyone else around me. Always have. Case in point: I was in group therapy one semester in college to work on some "stuff". At the end of the semester, everyone was talking about how much they had gained from the group. I couldn't (and incidentally none of the other group participants or leaders) come up with one thing I had actually worked on to help me. I spent the entire semester trying to help others get better without ever talking about myself or working on my own issues. That's who I am. I really hate that sometimes about me. Here I am: pregnant with twins. When do I start putting them first? I'm tired and you're getting a non-perky Jill writing this post.

Obviously, I had my 24 week OB appt. on Thursday based on above. Things went well. Boys are both doing well and my cervix still is cooperating. Luke is head down, but Harry is breech. No other changes to discuss and next appt. is with peri on May 14. Will get to experience the glucose challenge test at next OB appt. Can't wait for that one (lol). Crossing fingers that all goes well. Love carbs-fixed spaghetti for dinner earlier!

Biggest news: nursery is almost complete! Just have to hang valances and get some wall art and that's about it! We were able to move quickly with the nursery after I changed my mind and decided against hardwood and got new carpet laid instead. I realize hardwood would've looked better, but there was going to be a delay of a few weeks to get it installed and honestly, I was nearing a "nursery break down". Yes, I'm only 25 weeks, but I was having dreams and strong anxiety about babies arriving early with no room of their own. I realize some people wait until after the baby (don't know any twin Moms) is born to decorate nursery. I am not wired that way and need to accomplish things that are in my control while that's still possible, so I'm happy with my change of mind. So, first we got the walls painted and then we got the carpet removed and new carpet laid. Next, my chair was delivered from LaZBoy. Then, my Dad and Steve put the cribs together! My favorite moment of all-putting on the bedding (thanks for your help Carolyn!!). Finally, the changing table and chest of drawers were brought upstairs from the garage. Sorry for the play-by-play without pictures. Can you take pity on a tired pregnant lady and give me a few more days to download? I promise to do so, hopefully in next post.

Oh, other things we've done in the past week: got our home re-financed at a great new rate!, gathered items for a yard sale (thanks Mom and Vicky for your help in selling the items!), attended an out-of-town wedding, attended a parenting seminar (yes, I'm a little nutty, but it was a great topic about getting kids to explore the outside more often and basically what kinds of kids we're raising today with no outdoor playtime and exploration in nature), working on finalizing on new trust documents before the boys arrive, I got new manager at work who began last week, and finally (not so much me on this one) getting basement back in order after painters have completed their work. It looks great! Carpet getting cleaned this week so that I can put that project to rest! Lots of nesting going on in my home right now. Yay!!

A 25-week update from BabyCenter: "Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. His weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but he's beginning to exchange his long, lean look for some baby fat. As he does, his wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and he'll start to look more and more like a newborn. He's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture."

23 weeks

2009-04-22T22:25:00.005-04:00

First of all, Steve's grandmother died on Monday, so we had the funeral today. She is in peace now and we are at peace with that. I do get saddened when I think of the boys never getting to meet her, but we'll just have to be sure to tell them her funny stories and describe to them what a great lady she was.

Still working on basement, but will have Maggie fully moved down there this weekend. So, I will have all of her furniture moved out of the soon-to-be nursery very soon. We are planning to put lots of stuff in a neighborhood garage sale on Saturday, so we are cleaning the house over the next couple of days. First thing on the nursery list is to remove the carpet so we can start putting down hardwood. I have all of the babies furniture in the garage, just waiting to move them upstairs as soon as possible. Painting room a pretty green (sage) color. I promise to take pictures!

Also getting excited about my upcoming baby showers! My Aunt Vicky and Cousin Molly are hosting my first shower in my hometown on May 9th. Here is the sweet invitation...

And Molly came up with this creative little insert-love it!! So cute!!

My second baby shower will take place on May 17th. My SIL and BF are hosting this one. It's my local shower which will include friends and family. Thanks Connie and Stephanie-love you both very much! Can't wait!

From BabyCenter this week..."Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With his sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that he's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see him squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in his lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing him for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze him when he hears them outside the womb."

22 weeks and babies have surpassed 1 lb!!

2009-04-18T20:47:00.009-04:00

Harry Face Pic

Luke Face Pic

Mommy Belly Pic

Good check-up this week at the perinatologist office. Harry weighs in at 1 lb 4 oz. and Luke is close at 1 lb 3 oz, which is right on schedule! This is so exciting to me as I've always thought of this as being a big milestone. Both looked perfect and actually were very well-behaved during the u/s. And my cervix was closed, measured 4.5cm, and had no funneling, so no signs of pre-term labor. Woohoo!

Unfortunately, we don't have great pics this week. The u/s tech didn't do a good job at getting some good pics for us. I found myself saying "That's a good picture" just to get her to take one and print it out. Oh well. We've had her 3 different times, so I should be used to it, but I'd really rather have someone else.

On a sad note, Steve's grandmother fell this week and hit her head. She suffered a hemorrhagic stroke and won't make it out of this. She is 90, but was in overall good health. We will miss her very much. I'm sad that our boys won't get to meet her. We really didn't see this coming.

Per Baby Center this week-"At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily."

Finally, one of my dear friends got her long-awaited and well-deserved positive pregnancy test this week. If you don't know Emily, please stop by and wish her congratulations! I'm so happy for her!!

21 weeks and I finally get the stranger acknowledgement

2009-04-09T08:36:00.005-04:00

I am pregnant, no doubt about it. I kept wondering when I was gonna receive the "Congrats on your pregnancy" from random strangers. Finally got it a few days ago!

Steve and I were at the horse track on Sunday, which I might add did not benefit us financially at all. I never cashed one ticket. But we had fun. Anyway, I headed off to the ladies room and got in line. Then all of a sudden the lead gal in line says, "Momma-you can jump in front of us. You get the next open stall." I was thrilled for 2 reasons: 1) someone was being so kind as to actually think of a pregnant gal and 2) a stranger acknowledged my bulging belly! I laughed at the lady and told her that I would've taken her up on it in my first trimester, but my bladder is a little better now that I'm in my second. She went ahead as scheduled, but the next lady wasn't letting me get out of it so quickly. She insisted I should go before her anyway. I obliged. What sweet people!

Pregnant belly very obvious to strangers: CHECK!

So, I'm on to 21 weeks this week. Things are going well. I love feeling the babies move. I love talking to them. I also bought them their very first book this week: "Goodnight Moon." One of my favorites when I was a little girl. I have been reading it to them at night before we go to sleep. I can't wait for our nightly storytime when they get here.

I realize that last line was a very positive statement. I hope these babies will stay in their current home for another 16 weeks. I really do. I worry a lot (I know, I know) that something will happen and I'll deliver early. This week a girl from one of my message boards (many of you may know or at least heard her story over the past week) gave birth to her twins at 24w1d. Her son died 2 days later and her daughter died the following day after him. How completely and utterly tragic. That's only 2.5 weeks from now at this point in my pregnancy. Too soon, too scary, too real. Also, scratching "24 week viability" from my vocabulary and brain. Obviously, some babies aren't viable at 24 weeks.

From Baby Center and The Bump this week: "Your baby now weighs about 13.9 ounces and is approximately 10.5 inches long — the length of a carrot or a banana. You may soon feel like he's practicing martial arts as his initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to his activity as you get to know him better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now. Baby also gulps down several ounces of amniotic fluid every day, both for hydration and nutrition and to practice swallowing and digesting. And, these days, those taste buds actually work! Studies show that after birth, babies are most interested in tastes they've already experienced through amniotic fluid. Meaning, think about what you want your future child to eat as you prepare your own lunch."

Basketball, Bluegrass & Bourbon

2009-04-03T15:36:00.000-04:00

Strange combination, but let me explain. All of them make Lexington, Kentucky the unique place that it is!

First there is our love for basketball. Most of you know that I'm a huge football fan, from Little League to High School to College to the NFL, I love (and follow) all of it! What I don't often talk about, but is equally dear to my heart, is Kentucky basketball. I don't follow any other team (did not watch March Madness since we missed the NCAA tourney) from college or pros, but I do love our Kentucky basketball. Yes, it's basically a religion here. Yes, people definitely need to find other things to do and obsess about. But, when we got our new coach this week, I admit to being equally obsessed. I already love Coach Calipari (he was actually the Coach I wanted the last time we had a coaching change)! You may ask yourself, who cares-for goodness sakes, it's just basketball! But, again think basketball=religion and you'll understand why I care!

Kentucky basketball is: No. 1 in all-time wins (1,985), No. 1 in NCAA tournament appearances (50), No. 1 in NCAA tournament games (145), No. 1 in NCAA tournament wins (100), No. 1 in Associated Press poll No. 1 finishes (8) and No. 1 in SEC titles (43), winning more than the other 11 SEC teams combined. Finally, there are also those (7) national championships and (13) Final Four appearances. We pack 24,000+ fans every winter into our beloved Rupp Arena!! Below is a snapshot of a very devoted Wildcats fan, Ashley Judd.

Next, there is the beautiful Bluegrass state. I have traveled around the U.S. quite a bit and have lived in Naples, Florida previously (which I did love). However, I remember getting tears in my eyes when the plane would touch down in Lexington while I still lived in Florida. It is the one of most beautiful places to fly into. You come in over horse farms and our famous horse racing track, Keeneland. Gorgeous green grass (not blue-lol) with beautiful white fences, it is known as the horse capital of the world. We have horse racing in Lexington only 6 weeks out of the year. Of those, 3 weeks of racing occur in April and 3 weeks occur in October. So, we are very limited in our "live" racing fun here. Spring season starts today and will run through April 24. Steve and I plan on heading to the track this weekend. Always fun! I wish I had some of my old Derby pics in hats and fancy dresses, etc on this computer, but I don't and I'm lazy and I'm pregnant. So, I'll just load an older pic of some of my nieces and nephews and step-daughter from a Fall day at the track.

And, there is a family pic from this same day at the track of Steve, Maggie, and me. Not one of our best, but a pic just the same.

Finally, here are some "true" bluegrass pics, from the horses we adore to the local farms where they reside...

Finally, bourbon. Kentucky is the bourbon whiskey capital of the world. 95% of all bourbon is made here in Kentucky. It's an acquired taste, but one that I find pretty yummy. You can put it in recipes, mix it with cola or water, or drink it on the rocks. I've done all of the above and tend to stick to recipes and Diet Coke mixes. In case you're wanting to try bourbon sometime, I'll make a few suggestions. The best selling of bourbon in the world? Jim Beam. The best mixing with cola bourbon? Maker's Mark. Reasonably priced and tastes great with Diet Coke. I should mention that I'm a Maker's Mark Ambassador and that I've had a barrel named in my honor. Just for the record, I did not have to drink any specific amount to become an ambassador...However, the bourbon I prefer to drink? Woodford Reserve. I drink it with Diet Coke, but get made fun of for ruining good bourbon by mixing it with cola from hard core bourbon drinkers . LOVE IT! Other fantastic bourbons to try if you get a chance (they are all small batch bourbons, so not easily found): Basil Hayden, Booker's, Knob Creek, and Blanton's.

If you want to try a good bourbon mixed drink, the mint julep is the most famous (think similar to a mojito). It's the official drink of the Kentucky Derby. Also, bourbon martinis are delicious. Steve and I had these Kentucky martinis as our "signature drink" at our wedding. I would post the recipe if I could remember it, but can't find it!

Hope you enjoyed my Kentucky "love" post! I just thought I'd share my adoration with you!

Sorry for all the confusion!

2009-04-02T13:54:00.009-04:00

To all my faithful blog reader friends-I'm so sorry! As you all know, I've been wanting to make a blog name change for a while. When I finally came up with my new name, I went forward with changing not only the name, but also the address. I never thought it would be so difficult for everyone with my blog listed on their Google Readers and Blog Rolls.

I did figure this out in less than 2 hours and tried to go back to the "Desperately Seeking Spawn" address. As most of you have now found, someone snatched up my old name VERY quickly. I do not find it to be of any coincidence since it would appear she is heading to CCRM. So, for all of you clicking on my old name and finding this strange person, I'm sorry. Completely my mistake and one that I quickly tried to correct. But it would appear someone has been stalking my blog, waiting for me to change names, and then snatching it right up and discussing CCRM. I wish her the best and hope she gets pregnant, as it was my mistake, but what a mess!

On to better topics, I have a belly pic! I'm getting there!! This one was taken a week ago, so I'll have to take another soon. But, here I am at 19w4d...

Had an OB appt. today! No u/s, although the Doppler picked up both heartbeats and kicks and movements!! Luke was low (lol) and hanging out near my left pelvic bone kicking and moving up a storm and Harry was high (lol) up in my right rib cage where I do feel him often. He was there last night too and I had to sleep sitting up thanks to all the pressure on my ribs which makes it hard to breathe!

I check all the time to see if I see a head or a foot jab through my body, but so far, nothing. I guess they're still too little! But, I feel them moving A LOT, so I'm very thankful for that. I love being pregnant and I love these little boys so much!

Hope to post some nursery pics in a few weeks. Still not started on it!

20 weeks and new blog name revealed

2009-03-31T20:53:00.003-04:00

Hey y'all!! A little hello from the Kentucky girl in me. :-) Y'all don't get to hear my accent by reading words that I type, but just thought I'd let it come out for a minute. One of my favorite memories of Dr. Schoolcraft was when we had our initial consult with him and he told me "Love your accent!" I think of Schoolie every day when I look at my belly and think of all he has helped us to achieve!

So, the big reveal: after careful thought, I decided not to choose any of the names I originally came up with for my new blog name. Instead, I'm changing the name to "Another Day in PAIR-adise." I think it's fitting for having twins, a definite predictor of my future life, and an original name that other bloggers haven't claimed yet.

In other news, I'm over the 20 week hump! Yay! A few words from BabyCenter: "Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.) He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery)."

I should tell you that I'm pretty much over the Nest/Bump fruit analogies at this point. They've gotten kinda ridiculous. Last week they were the size of mangoes, this week they are the size of cantaloupes, but next week are the size of bananas. Wtf? So, I'll be giving my own little updates, without the bump pics. The Bump was pretty good early (see blueberries, raspberries, etc), but have missed the mark over the past several weeks (and look to continue to do so for future weeks).

Diaper bag heaven

2009-03-24T22:05:00.010-04:00

Yes-I feel like I've died and gone to that beautiful heaven with fabulous handbags. As a preface, I love handbags and have spent too much time and money on them in the past. But, now I've got a diaper bag that I love, love, love! Introducing, my very own Petunia Pickle Bottom...

It's a new Spring 2009 chenille fabric line with a tapestry look. I've spent much time obsessing over my dream bag and originally fell in love with this Cake Couture Petunia bag below. This one is my favorite, but I really can't justify it. It just seems way too much to spend for a diaper bag.

So, I think my top selection is a great combination of sophisticated style, yet reasonable pricing. Anyway, the best part is that it's a gift from my co-workers!

I happen to work with such a great group of people. We have always celebrated births for all of our team members, and a popular choice has been the Petunia bags over the past few years. There was definitely a point last year when I didn't know if I would ever get a chance to be celebrated, if our situation would ever change so that I could get giddy over all things baby-related.

There are still days that I want to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming that something so wonderful is happening to me. It would seem so, but I still worry every day about something going wrong and everything ending much differently.

But today ended perfectly with my new favorite bag getting purchased! I don't get it until my shower on May 21st, but I'll think of it often!

As I told the shop owner today: my boys may not have a nursery to sleep in yet, but Mommy has a pretty bag!

18 weeks!!

2009-03-18T21:41:00.004-04:00

Well, things are definitely progressing. I'm 18 weeks and 3 days. I had a perinatologist appt today. He was very pleased with the boys growth and they did extensive scans on them today, measuring all long bones, head, feet, abdomen, etc. Always a good day when I can hang out with my sons. :-)

Baby A is weighing in at 8 ounces, which is right on schedule.

Baby B is slightly ahead on growth, at 9 ounces.

According to the Nest/Bump: "Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon." They are about the size of sweet potatoes this week (were the size of onions last week).

Speaking of movements, I have had feeling (flutters) on my left side since Sunday. So exciting! Steve is calling him "lefty Luke" although we still haven't decided upon the names 100% yet. Luke (Lucas) is definitely a favorite, along with Harry (Harrison). But, I'm still thinking...

So, to talk about the pregnancy for a minute. I've been having some really awful leg cramps lately. The kind that wake you up in the middle of the night and are so debilitating that you can't bear weight on the leg and then you can't even walk normally for the next 4 days (including limping up and down stairs). I did speak to the doctor about these leg cramps disabling me and he was a little concerned. Told me to do "runners stretching" every night for 5 minutes before bedtime and start taking calcium supplements/Rolaids/Tums, etc. Hopefully, this will limit their effect on me!

Also spoke to him about my kick-butt heartburn that's been getting to me nightly. Suggested I try some Maalox or Mylanta or Pepcid OTC twice a day. Also thought I'd sleep best by elevating head slightly. So, I'm gonna give it a whirl tonight.

Finally, got a lecture from him about doing too much and that I should limit myself now or I will be forced to be put on bedrest in the future in hopes of preventing pre-term labor. I hate that I'm a Type A person sometimes, but I'll just have to figure something out! Their health is the most important thing to me. I wish I had more help from Steve and Maggie (13 y/o step-daughter). I read all of your blogs and hear how wonderful your husbands are and am so jealous sometimes! You all are lucky-remember that!

Updates

2009-03-10T19:12:00.008-04:00

I feel like a lot has taken place since my last post!

First of all, the boys looked great at check-up last Thursday. Momma also looked good with a nice, long, thick cervix over 4cm-yay! Hope it stays that way for a very long time! Also, had triple screen genetic markers tested and all came back with an AFP within normal ranges, which is fantastic for twins! Also, my thyroid was checked and also came back normal. So good appt. all the way around! Next week (on Wed) I go see peri again, so looking forward to some good u/s pics...

Next, my Mom came up and we really got a lot accomplished over 4 days. First of all, I ordered my cribs! We got the Baby Italia standard cribs in a natural stain from BRU. Here is the picture:

We are lucky enough to be getting a white 5-drawer chest and changing table given to us, so we can't wait to get them all in the nursery once everything is completed. We decided to pull the colors together by replacing the white chest knobs with natural color knobs that match the cribs. I saw this in a Pottery Barn magazine and loved the idea! It will tie the 2 colors together perfectly. I also bought 2 mattresses for the cribs. Finally, here is a pic of our bedding. I think it's so darn cute! Also from BRU!

I love the little cows, sheep, ducks, etc on this bedding. The colors are exactly what I wanted and more-blue, green, and brown were the original colors I had in mind, so adding red and yellow was a fun bonus. My favorite part? The doggie driving the tractor! Hysterical! I think the boys will be big doggie fans with Sonny around them 24/7. Anyway, love the bedding.

Also, we were given a great rocker/glider by a friend, but have opted to also get another rocker. A friend of mine told me about how many night she spent sleeping in the nursery and how comfort was so important. I fell in love with this one several weeks ago at La-Z-Boy and just love how comfy it is. Also, it's wide enough that I can rock both babies for a while together. So, I ordered it in a green color (called "meadow" but looks kinda moss colored) that matches the bedding perfectly...it'll be here in 8-10 weeks!

We also have been working on the living room. Trying to pull everything together since I got my new upholstered chairs a few weeks ago. Still need a mantle painting, a couple of lamps and one other wall hanging and window treatments before the room will be complete.

We had a contractor come over this past weekend and build our wall for the new bedroom in the basement as well. So, we were able to get the wall built, drywall and door hung, and electricity re-wired in the basement. Maggie (my step-daughter) has requested to move down there. She'll be 14 this summer and craves her independence. So, with few other great options, we've agreed to do so. Her room will become the boys nursery over the next couple of months. Have a big decision to make-replace the carpet or put in hardwood? I see pros and cons of both. Anyway, just one more thing, right? I have decided the paint will be the light green from my bedding. I think that will compliment the darker green from the rocker as well as be a great overall color for the room.

So, everyone will have to wait a while for nursery pics, as I haven't started with the room re-model. Maggie will remain in there until we get the basement completed for her. Will post nursery pics as we start moving along in the process! Lots and lots of changes!!

16 weeks

2009-03-04T18:16:00.003-05:00

And just like that we're trucking along here at 16 weeks. I'm taking the next couple of days off work and my Mom is coming up to spend the next few days with me as we get serious about nursery decorating decisions, home renovations, home repairs, etc. I can't wait!

The babies are up to the following this week: "Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop."

What's with the random belly touching?

2009-02-28T23:59:00.000-05:00

Seriously? I can't say I've ever done this to any pregnant woman I've ever been in contact with. I'm not opposed to it from people I know and love like close friends and family, but others? It kinda creeps me out. I am barely showing, but that hasn't appeared to stop people. I got 3 random rubs on Thursday alone!

Anyway, I'm truly happy I have a belly and thrilled that everything is going so well with the pregnancy so far. Just wanted to clear my chest on this one.

Gotta love infertility: Since I've been pregnant, not a week (seems more like not even a day) has passed that someone hasn't asked the question: "Do twins run in your family?" I'm amused by it for the most part because I can answer in so many different ways: "Yes they do, my grandmother had fraternal twins" if I'm busy or don't really feel like the full story when this is actually the truth...."Yes they do, but we underwent fertility treatments to conceive our twins" perhaps the whole truth vs. half truth from my first quote...."I think what you're asking is did we do fertility treatments? The answer is yes" for my days when I'm in a bad mood and really don't want to answer a nosey question to begin with.

Oh, and one last one--"Are your twins natural?" I mostly answer they were conceived via IVF, since this question does appear to be more direct vs. the twins in the family above question. However, on a bad day, I've answered anything from "Yes, they are human beings" to "Actually they are supernatural and possess supernatural skills like reading people's minds and communicating back the information to their mother, even in utero" to "No, they are unnatural; we aren't even sure what species they are."

15 Weeks

2009-02-25T21:44:00.007-05:00

I'm getting there! 15 and a half weeks today. Things are still going pretty well. Haven't had much RL pain this week, so enjoying a brief lapse in my uterus expansion capabilities. And aren't oranges just so sweet and delicious? That's just how I picture my boys. :-)

We did get started last weekend on the baby registry and making some decisions on nursery decor. It is fun! And, we have a whole slew of home improvement projects around the house that we'll be getting started on over the next few weeks. The hope is to get everything completed by June. Also, starting to think about my baby shower. Yippee! Can't wait!!

Regarding the babies this week, "Continuing the march towards normal proportions, baby's legs now outmeasure the arms. And, finally, all four limbs have functional joints. Your fetus is squirming and wiggling like crazy down in the womb, though you probably still can't feel the movements."

My BOYS!

2009-02-20T10:54:00.003-05:00

I'm finally able to declare that we are 100% having boys! We were only 90% sure before with the reliability of the genetic testing, but this week's ultrasound showed both were clearly boys. My pics aren't perfectly clear, but the arrows point to the important part. ;-)

Both are doing well, weighing in at 4 ounces each! According to their gestational age, they should weigh between 2.1-3.2 ounces, so needless to say we are thrilled with their growth so far. Both had perfect heartbeats and were bouncing all over the screen (as usual). I'm still not ready to declare them "too rowdy" at this point. They seem to be having a lot of fun. (lol)

I'm doing well, but did get to check off my first "unscheduled" visit to the doctor this week. Had some significant pains in upper abdomen/rib cage yesterday, unrelieved with rest and fluids. Went in for an ultrasound to check my cervix to make sure it wasn't shortening and I wasn't having pre-term labor. Thankfully, everything looked good. Was instructed to lie flat for rest of night, drink lots of water, etc. They suspected it was just round ligament pain with some serious stretching going on, so I guess they were probably right. Anyway, I'm feeling better today.

As far as my weekly Nest/Bump update, they are the size of lemons (yummy) this week. "Your adorable little fetus is busy with thumb sucking, toe wiggling, and (not so cute but equally amazing) making urine and breathing amniotic fluid as the liver, kidneys and spleen continue to develop. Lanugo (thin, downy hair) is growing all over the body for warmth. " They are supposed to measure 3.4 inches, but I bet mine may be a little bigger. :-)

On a funny note, Steve had a dream we had 6 baby boys that all looked like him last night. They were all sitting on some sort of shelf, in a stacked slots. So, glad to know our children were beautiful in his dreams, but 6? Seriously? NO! Anyway, he had to select one to put in a commercial or something. How hysterical!

Hope everyone has a great weekend! Looks like we are going to have to get serious about buying some baby gear soon now that we know the sexes for sure...

My sweet husband...

2009-02-15T11:07:00.003-05:00

I'm not really one to celebrate Valentine's Day. Definitely feel that it's a HallMark holiday. Steve knows this, but somehow either threw his knowledge out the window, forgot my feeling on it, or just thought I needed a pick me up. Regardless of his reason, we celebrated V-day yesterday.

First, he sent me 100 multi-colored garden roses on Friday before I left for work. They were beautiful. And his card was just precious-"I Love You, and can't wait for the birth of our beautiful baby boys." Aw...I loved that he made it about the babies and not Valentine's Day...

Then, he brought me home chocolate-covered strawberries (my fave!) after work on Friday. They were divine. I did share a few too. :-)

And finally yesterday, he took me to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants and also gave me a sweet V-Day card, a Dove's milk chocolate rose, and a couple of heart-shaped Peeps. He thinks it's funny how I call people "my peeps" or refer to people in general with that term, so that's why I got those.

I feel very lucky to be married to him. And I'm glad (for whatever reason) that he decided to celebrate with me the last couple of days. I think it's been good for both of us.

Peaches and Hello 2nd Trimester!

2009-02-12T10:11:00.001-05:00

Yippee! It's here! The part that's supposed to be the most comfortable and enjoyable of the entire pregnancy. But, I really can't complain at all. I loved the first trimester! No sickness, no major issues to deal with. So, I'm really looking forward to this next step of my pregnancy!

According to the Nest/Bump this week: "Your fetus is forming teeth and vocal cords... savor this, their non-functional phase. Baby is approaching normal proportions, with a head now only one third the size of the body. Intestines are in the process of moving from the umbilical cord to baby's tummy. (Much more convenient.)" Plus, the babies just climbed to 1.4 ounces! Over the 1 oz. mark-yay!

In other boring news, work is still kicking my butt. I've really had it. Travel/drive way too much, too many meetings, etc. Lots of pressure from top management down to hit sales numbers. Yeah-that seems easy in a declining economy where people aren't even visiting their physicians as often as they used to because they're saving money rather than paying higher co-pays and deductibles thanks to insurance rates on the rise and more employers paying less health insurance costs for employees. Why is there never any mention of insurance reform? We have reform for everything else.

And for anyone who thinks that it's the drug manufacturers fault, the fact that nearly no one knows (and the biased media will never share) is that it costs nearly $1 billion to bring a new drug to market after all of the research, development, clinical drug studies, etc. have been performed. Only 1 in 5 products ever reach a billion dollars in their entire patent lifespan of being on the market, so you do the math. It's more often a losing encounter to bring a drug to market than it is to be a $$ successful venture. But, companies still do it, because it's the right thing for the patients-better medicines to help patients live a better life. That's what I do every day-help people live better lives.

But, as an industry, we are under tremendous pressure and scrutiny from the government. It appears most people want government to run health care-the VA is the current model for that. I've worked the VA system. Patients are getting products from 40 years ago (or older), not the new drugs with fewer side effects, better safety profiles, easier to remember dosing schedules, etc. Yet, no one seems to care to have the government take over. If anyone can name me one successful government healthcare program, I would be interested in knowing one. I can't think of any. At all. That is unless you consider Medicare, VA, etc successful (and I definitely don't). Stepping back down off soap box.

Despite my views and beliefs, I'm in a bad place in my job and wish I could do something else. But, I can't. Primary breadwinner, crappy housing market to try to sell home, etc. I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders every day. I don't have the option to stay at home when the kids arrive, not even for a millisecond. Not saying that I could be a stay at home Mom (don't think I'm wired for that), but it sure would be nice to have some options. I have none. Other than win the lottery. Which of course requires one to actually play the lottery. Maybe I'll buy a powerball ticket on Saturday. I just hate throwing a dollar out on it-seems wasteful.

I realize that I started my post being very upbeat and optimistic. That's truly is how I feel about my babies. The rest is how I feel about everything else in the world. Maybe things will change soon. I hope so.

New Blog Name

2009-02-09T18:03:00.001-05:00

I mentioned a while back about changing the name of my blog since there is a message board out there with the name of "Desperately Seeking Spawn." Also, I don't think my current title is as relevant as it was previously. So, I'm in the process of making my decision. I have thought of lots of names, and I thought I'd put up a poll for you guys as well.

I've thought about some of my favorite lines. My choices are:

"Tomorrow Is Another Day" from Gone With The Wind

"I'll Have What She's Having" from When Harry Met Sally

"If You Build It, They Will Come" from Field of Dreams

"You Never Know What You're Gonna Get" from Forrest Gump

"Double The Pleasure, Double The Fun"

"Two Buns In The Oven"

"Double Blessings"

"Two Peas In A Pod"

Also, opinions/ideas are very welcome...

NT Scan and the highly requested 1st belly pic...

2009-02-04T21:24:00.004-05:00

So, the first is a pic of Twin A hanging out. He was a little uncooperative again today. The u/s tech kept pushing on my belly to make him move. It made it difficult for her to get the NT measurements, but she finally did and he was fine. So, was Twin B (middle pic). Both had NT measurements within normal limits. Also, they both measured 12w6d in growth, so they are doing fine! Yay!

Got to get some additional answers from the one of the perinatologists (Dr. O) today. Their group will only be delivering the twins if I/babies have some complications or deliver prior to 28 weeks (praying to God this doesn't happen). Also, Dr. O said that I should start feeling kicks and movement around 18 weeks due to my having an anterior placenta. Finally, we asked him about Dr. Luke's book and her dietary and weight gain recommendations. He thinks that eating that much food puts mothers at risk for GD, PTL, and a host of other complications. That's all I needed to hear to not feel guilty about being unable to follow her recommendations. Just gonna continue what I'm doing...

As you can see from my belly pic, I'm not exactly having trouble gaining weight. I'm having some difficulty with clothes right now. I'm on the verge of needing maternity clothes, but still being able to wear my regular clothes with assistance of bella bands and elastic waist bands. But, I'd say I've got a limited number of days ahead of me...

Week 12-Plums

2009-02-02T20:29:00.004-05:00

New this week: "The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce. As you move into the second trimester, baby shifts into the growth and maturation stage. After weeks in the critical development stage, almost all of baby's systems are fully formed. " The only difference with the Nest/Bump is the fruit reference point for week 12: plums! And the weight is reported to be about 0.7 ounces. Almost to an ounce!!

I have my NT scan on Wednesday and it's also my first appt. with the perinatologists. Looking forward to meeting their group and seeing my babies again!

I've been reading lots of baby books lately. Trying to prepare and learn all I can, especially about twins. I'm reading Dr. Luke's book-have any of you twin Mommies out there read it yet? It's great to know all of the info, however I'm pretty sure I'll be falling short on the diet recommendations. I can't eat all that food! My goodness-there is no way I can do that with my job. But, they are general goals to follow and strive to achieve, so I'll treat them as such...

Limes and updates

2009-01-31T23:39:00.001-05:00

Lots of updates today. Sorry for being away for a while, but I was at our National Sales Meeting in Phoenix all last week. It was fun to see a few people, but otherwise, just another meeting. Also, I apparently skipped out on the winter storm of 2009 while I was away, so that's never a bad thing to miss either...ice, snow, power outages-yuck!

I'm still feeling just great. Never have had any m/s or nausea of any sort. I just feel so lucky! I have been back in a slight fatigue slump, but I'm chalking it up to time change, meeting hell week, significant work-related stress, etc. Hopefully, I'll bounce back soon. I can't believe I'll be 12 weeks tomorrow! Yippee!

From the Nest/Bump this week: "Your fetus currently enjoys a 1:1 ratio between body and head, and has skin so transparent that blood vessels show right through. But, fingers and toes are no longer webbed, and hair follicles, tooth buds and nail beds are forming -- setting up a significantly more attractive future." And, isn't a lime SO much better than a prune? They weigh about 0.44 ounces (about 12.5 grams).

My mom, Steve and I all went baby gear shopping for the first time last Saturday at BRU. In truth, I've never cared for the store really. I've always referred to it as the "evil baby empire." But, the town that I live in really has very few options of baby places to shop and register for everything in one place. As a previous BRU gift registry shopper, I've found the store to be a difficult place to find things in a logical sequence and the staff to be fairly unhelpful. But, as a new Mommy, what other choices do I have? Plus, the on-line registry is an advantage for OOT shoppers, unlike some smaller local stores.

Our biggest dilemma Saturday: which stroller/carseat system to purchase?? We finally decided on the stroller-the Graco Quattro Tour Duo Stroller in the French Roast/Soho color http://www.gracobaby.com/Catalog/Pages/ProductListingPage.aspx?catID=10:441&subCatID=11:104471&pID=10434:42949593961#. This was the only stroller system we could find that we could snap the carseats into for a simple snap and go system. They work with the Graco SnugRide or Infant SafeSeat car seats. And, I really liked the green and brown colors, so at least we've made a couple of decisions. Need to get back over there in the next couple of weeks to make lots and lots and lots of other decisions.

I'll post a belly pic soon. I kinda "popped" this week while I was in Phoenix. I was a little upset that Steve wasn't there. It's been his favorite little thing to be on the "belly watch." Every morning, he would reach over, pat my stomach to see if I had grown overnight. I think that was the worst part about being away. I really disliked last week, can't you tell??? So glad to be home....

And one last thing, my thoughts about this lady and her octuplets being born last week: I think she is a very disturbed individual, I think she didn't do IVF (it's only been confirmed by the grandmother and I know how often people refer to all fertility treatments as IVF), I think she needs serious psychiatric management, I think her mother should've stepped in since the daughter was "obsessed with having children", I'd like to know how she paid for it, I think her fertility doc may reside in Mexico (or somewhere other than the U.S.), amd I could go on and on about this person. Unfortunately, because the media loves to sensationalize these types of stories, this has set back the progress that has been made in infertility. I hope the real story comes out soon and I hope no one decides to put this quack on TV for the world to watch every week like "Jon & Kate Plus 8"...

Week 10 Ultrasound pic

2009-01-21T21:46:00.003-05:00

I have 3D images of them both individually, but I don't think the one of Baby A is flattering, so trying to be a fair Mommy, I'll only put the one of them together up today. :-) The tech spent a good 10-15 minutes on the u/s today. We were in heaven. I just enjoyed "spending time with them" even though they're technically always with me.

What a fun appt. today! Baby A was a busy little bee right from the start, jumping all over the place. Baby B was my little quiet sweetheart. But after 5 minutes of watching Baby A get all the laughters, he decided to join in as well and was moving all over the screen, too. So, both are active and healthy. Baby A's heart rate was 167 and Baby B's was 162 and both are measuring 10w5d. Perfect! I don't know if it's something I ate prior to the appt to make them so crazy, or maybe that's just what they're doing in there, but it was funny. All I could think was: my future ADHD children...

In the sweet 3D image of Baby B, he had his little arms in front of his eyes. It was like he was saying "No more ultrasound wand poking at me." Too cute. Baby A had his back to us, so we couldn't make much out of him. But, the ultrasound tech did say she saw "boy parts" on Baby A. She didn't know our history, so we kinda laughed and said that we already knew that. She couldn't see Baby B's, but maybe next time. I've got my NT Scan appt. with perinatologist on Feb. 4th. Can't wait to see them again.

Steve saved the u/s in his phone and labeled the pic with 2 boy names. I'm not yet willing to share what they are with the world, but they are 2 of my 4 favorites, so maybe we're coming to some decisions on their names...to be continued...

I won't be putting up the 10 week Nest/Bump fruit description this week because it's a picture of a prune. I think prunes are disgusting, so I can't compare my babies to that. But here is a little more info about this week in development: "With bones and cartilage starting to form and vital organs beginning to function, baby is making major progress. Body length will almost double in the next three weeks, and arm joints are now working. (Soon, legs will too.)" Average size is 1.2inches and weight is 0.18 ounces (or 5 grams).

In other huge news-I graduated today from CCRM! It was so sad to speak to my nurse, I'm gonna miss her/all IVF RNs. They are so wonderful. My final P4>60, so definitely no med concerns. I feel like a normal pregnant gal. Also, Dr. Sch let me d/c the Metformin today, too. Yay! It's just been a great day and I've been walking on Cloud 9 ever since our appt...

NO MORE MEDS!

2009-01-20T21:30:00.002-05:00

That's right: I'm finished. I'm so freakin' happy!!!! I had b/w yesterday to check my levels and both were great: E2=2761 despite weaning from Estrace tablet over the weekend and my P4>60 so I was able to skip the Prometrium supps the past 2 nights. Final check tomorrow to make sure that the P4 level hasn't dropped, but that would be unlikely since I've been greater than 60 for the past several b/w checks. So, I've been livin' it up the past 2 days. I feel so liberated. This is just fantastic timing so that I don't have to take extra meds with me to Phoenix on Sunday.

OB check-up tomorrow! Can't wait to see the babies!!

Green Olives

2009-01-14T21:18:00.003-05:00

"Your little embryo has now officially graduated to fetus-hood. Adding to the excitement, a Doppler ultrasound device might be able to pick up the beating heart. With basic physical structures in place and increasingly distinct facial features, baby is kind of starting to look like... well... a baby!"

The babies weigh around 3 grams or 0.11 ounces. I still feel great and have actually been a little less tired than previous weeks. Even though I've only gained about 2.5 pounds, my clothes are feeling different. On Monday, I couldn't take my suit for a full work day and decided to run to Motherhood Maternity over lunch and get their version of a Bella Band. I really needed to get some belly relief! It helped a lot! So, maybe this will hold off full-on maternity clothes for at least a month.

We have our next OB appt. next Wed. More b/w today. Everything still looks great. E2=2438 even after taking off last patch, so I take my final Estrace tablet this weekend and then I'm done with estrogen! Yippee! P4>60, therefore I am also able to decrease 1 more Prometrium supp, so I'll be on just 1 supp at night beginning on Saturday. Re-checking levels on Monday. So happy. Can't wait for my legs/nerves/butt to recover from PIO. I have shooting nerve pain down both my legs. Praying it goes away with time...

More weaning...

2009-01-12T22:28:00.003-05:00

My levels were drawn again today. E2=2,222 after weaning down to 1 patch, so I was told to take the last patch off today! Only 1 Estrace tablet to go. Yay! P4>60 still, so I weaned down to 2 Prometrium supps. Re-checking levels on Wednesday. I'm tired of the 2-3 blood draws per week, but at the same time, I like the escalated weaning procedure. I have to be OOT for work beginning week of Jan. 25 with no ability to get b/w drawn whatsoever. So, I think they wanted to kick it in high gear. Yippee! Maybe I'll be off everything before I leave for my business trip! A girl can hope!

Kidney Beans/Raspberries

2009-01-09T16:38:00.003-05:00

Babycenter has great twin pics every 4 weeks, so I'm gonna be alternating the Nest baby growth information with these better pics as often as possible! Here's what is going on this week with the boys:

"New this week: Webbed fingers and toes are poking out from your baby's hands and feet, his eyelids practically cover his eyes, breathing tubes extend from his throat to the branches of his developing lungs, and his "tail" is just about gone. In his brain, nerve cells are branching out to connect with one another, forming primitive neural pathways. You may be daydreaming about your baby as one sex or the other, but the external genitals still haven't developed enough to reveal whether you're having a boy or a girl. Either way, your baby — about the size of a kidney bean — is constantly moving and shifting, though you still can't feel it."

This is a big growth week for the babies as they are growing about 1mm a day. They have their first weight measurements this week too: 0.035 ounces. Gotta start somewhere, right? Finally, just heard from my nurse, I can wean off more meds! NO MORE PIO!!!!! I feel like it's a "Ding, Dong, the witch is dead" kind of day! My progesterone level is still >60, even after going down to 1/2cc earlier this week, so I'm finished! Also, my estrogen level rebounded back to 2,337. So, I get to take off another patch tomorrow! Re-checking levels again on Monday. Only 3 more Prometrium supps, 1 more Vivelle patch, and 1 Estrace tablet to go, then I'm finished!! Yippee!!

Quick hormone updates

2009-01-08T08:32:00.002-05:00

My estrogen was 1779 on Tuesday, and because this was a drop from 2150 last week, I have to remain on the 2 patches and 1 Estrace tablet for now. Hopefully next time, I can wean 1 more patch. As far as progesterone goes, great news-it was >60. I, of course, wanted a specific number, but the nurse told me that it is common to see this general result when the level is over 60. So, last night, I was able to decrease to 1/2cc PIO. Nice! I have to go back on Friday to re-check levels. I debated weaning the Prometrium as I hate it almost as much as PIO at this point. It's gross. Oh well, still on track to be weaned from everything by end of first trimester at the latest. My poor veins...they look awful. I'm glad it's winter right now, so no one can see my bruises.

Initial OB appt.

2009-01-06T22:26:00.002-05:00

Of course, I had to start out with a new ultrasound pic! The twins looked great and were both within the appropriate ranges for growth. I'm so relieved. They've grown a lot in 2 weeks!

My OB appt. took longer than I had anticipated. My nurse and MD reviewed all of the scary twin info. Always nice to hear. I get to go back in 2 weeks for another OB u/s. Yippee! My OB knows how much of a procedure junkie I am, so I'm glad to get another appt so quickly! I also had b/w drawn today for the initial OB panel. Fine, but I told the nurse 90% of it was unnecessary as I've had almost all the b/w within the last 6 months at CCRM. Oh well, sounded like a pain to waive everything, so please Mrs. Vampire, take more of my blood...

Speaking of vampires, I went to see "Twilight" finally tonight with my friend, Gina. We had so much fun and would appear to both have strong crushes on Edward. How can we not? I was hooked when I read the entire novel in one day on bedrest following my FET in Denver over Thanksgiving. I kept thinking, "Bite me Edward, kiss me." Steve doesn't care about my crush. That's good.

Finally, last blood reference, E2 and P4 bloodwork looked good today too. I'll post more specifics later. A good day though and I hope the bad dreams are gone for a while at least...

Bad dreams

2009-01-04T12:26:00.003-05:00

I can't wait to our next u/s on Tuesday. My mind is definitely in overdrive right now. I really try not to worry, but unfortunately, I can't control my mind during my dreams.

Last night I had several dreams, all of which involved me doing something stupid to jeopardize the pregnancy. From jumping off a cliff into a lake filled with trees and other debris that could easily injure both me and the babies to snow skiing down treacherous slopes again filled with all kinds of potential disasters. Why am I dreaming of these crazy stunts? I don't even do these things in a non-pregnant state. I tried to think about other things, but really couldn't shake the dreams. All of them ended with me and an u/s and not being sure of its outcome.

Obviously, I know I'm worried about our u/s. I just hope everything looks okay. I know my fears and concerns really won't ever leave me, but man, I hope I can start managing them a little better. I've got 32 weeks to go!

New Year's a la pregnancy

2009-01-02T11:50:00.000-05:00

We headed to dinner with some friends on NYE at an early reservation time slot of 6:15pm. Good thing too, as I was yawning by 8:30pm (didn't get a nap in before dinner). We decided to head home instead of going out after dinner, which was just fantastic to me. I fell asleep at 9:30pm-out like a light. Then, somehow, at 11:59pm I woke up to visit the toilet. I get up about 3-4 times a night to use the bathroom. Frequent urination is definitely one of my symptoms. Anyway, Steve screams "the ball is dropping" and I scream back "well pause the channel til I'm finished" and thus ushered in 2009. I was asleep again by 12:04am. Fun. Sexy. Good times.

In other holiday notes, I just realized that this was the first non-baby related holiday we've had since Memorial Day. As a re-cap, we were in Denver for our 1 day work-up over July 4th, then back again for my ER over Labor Day, and then there once again for our FET over Thanksgiving. Of course, last week's Christmas was filled with joy, fear, anticipation for our initial u/s which was the Day after Christmas. So, maybe this uneventful New Year Holiday was the first of many uneventful holidays in 2009. That would be fantastic!

My first OB appt. is coming up soon-next Tues. (1-6). I got to see the babies again! Hope they are doing well. I worry about them all the time. Are they growing? Are both heartbeats still strong and age appropriate? I could go on and on. I'm pretty sure I'll have these feelings until both are in my arms. Hopefully it will lessen as the pregnancy advances, but just wanted to put some of my fears and concerns out there.

Blueberries

2008-12-31T10:51:00.000-05:00

"Baby's brain -- both hemispheres! -- is growing fast, generating about 100 new cells every minute. Arms and legs are emerging as joints start to form, and a permanent set of kidneys (baby's third!) is now in place. "

More bloodwork results from yesterday: Estradiol=2150 (so even though I dropped a patch, my E2 still increased!). I get to decrease 1 more patch beginning on Sunday (1-4-09). That'll leave me with 2 patches and 1 Estrace tablet. Maybe I'll be off estrogen entirely in 3 weeks? Hope so. Progesterone=38.47, which while is still great, they wouldn't decrease PIO. So, that leaves me with 1cc PIO every other day and Prometrium supps three times a day. Maybe next Tuesday's b/w will look better and I can decrease some Progesterone again. I can't wait to be DONE with PIO. What a PITA (I know, stupid joke).

Hope everyone has a swingin' New Year's Eve!

Hormone updates...

2008-12-29T20:05:00.004-05:00

I didn't post these the other day as I didn't want to take away my big news, but we had other good news as well on Friday. My E2 came back pretty high at 2026. Big improvement from the last measurement (199). They let me decrease down 1 Vivelle patch. Therefore, on Saturday I only had to put on 3 patches-yippee! Also, my P4 came back pretty high as well at 55.7, so I was able to choose either to decrease PIO to every other day or take 1 Prometrium out of the mix. Umm...my butt could really use a break so that was an easy choice! I skipped my first dose on Saturday night. It felt so good! Both levels getting re-checked tomorrow morning, so hoping all has gone well with my decreases.

To answer a couple of your questions, up until just a few days ago, I really haven't had many symptoms other than extreme fatigue. Lately, I've had some lovely heartburn and indigestion issues to deal with along with an increased appetite. I can eat and then be hungry again in an hour. Hope that one is really short lived, otherwise I'm gonna gain a lot of weight.

A quick due date explanation: my singleton gestational due date is Aug. 16, 2009. My twin due date by average gestation is July 26, 2009. Hope that clears up any confusion.

"Here's looking at you, kids"

2008-12-26T13:59:00.003-05:00

"Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. We must be over the rainbow." My favorite line from The Wizard of Oz and I thought it was quite fitting for today. Steve and I are just thrilled! We can't believe that this really worked! Their heartbeats were both strong and both are measuring right on schedule. Twin A is measuring 6w4d and Twin B is measuring 6w6d. Yippee!! Our new twin due date will be July 26th.

I'll finish off with some more Wizard of Oz...as our favorite wizard (Dr. Schoolcraft) gets all of the credit...

"Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high,

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."

Sweet Peas

2008-12-24T08:13:00.001-05:00

"Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks and chin. Those little hands and feet- still webbed like paddles- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate."

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Picture tag...

2008-12-21T20:44:00.009-05:00

This was our engagement announcement pic. We went to a local arboretum to shoot some photos on a very hot July evening. I remember feeling so bad for poor Steve in a button down shirt on a 90 plus degree day. But, he looks good no matter what the temp outside. :-) This one was taken next to a pond, hence the cattails in the lower right-hand corner. Also, I told him to wear a nice blue dress shirt. He wore a shirt that's got his initials on the pocket-"SEW". So, every time I look at our engagement photos, I chuckle.

The object of the picture tag is to:

1) Choose the 4th folder where you store your pictures on your computer

2) Select the 4th picture in the folder

3) Explain the picture

4) Tag 4 people to do the same. NO CHEATING! (cropping, editing, etc!)

Except, I'm not tagging any particular blogs this time. If you're interested in participating and follow my blog, consider yourself tagged!

P.S. In other bizarre pregnacy behavior, Steve encouraged me to POAS tonight just to be sure I was still pregnant. Being that I'm equally crazy and quite impatient waiting for this u/s to get here, I obliged. Good news, it turned up very dark immediately. Bad news, we are insane. Oh well, still pregnant.

Appleseeds

2008-12-19T17:46:00.001-05:00

"Your embryo (looking kind of like a tadpole) is starting to form major organs (heart, kidney, liver, stomach) and systems (nervous, circulatory, digestive). Baby's presence in your uterus triggers production of hCG (the hormone detected by pregnancy tests)... which triggers production of other hormones like estrogen and progesterone... which trigger all those great symptoms you've probably been noticing!"

100th post!

2008-12-18T20:27:00.002-05:00

Wow, there were a lot of times I didn't think this blog would make it to 100 posts, but we did it! I'm pretty sure that if it weren't for my supportive blogger friends, I would've let it go a long time ago. But, as I've said many times, you all are the best!

One thing I've been thinking a lot about for a while: changing the title of my blog. I really like it, but apparently so do other people! There is actually a message board with the same title! So, I'm mulling over some new title names. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them! I may even put up a poll in a few days with some ideas.

The current poll is pretty much over: landslide opinion-72% of you think we are having twins. There is a tie for triplets and singletons at 12% (triplets were winning until my post below when I mentioned thinking we were only having one). Then the funny one was for the quads and only 6 (2%) of you selected that as your guess. Thanks for participating in the poll!

Counting the days down until next Friday's ultrasound. Steve and I need some patience, but we really have none. Hopefully, the holidays will make our wait fly by...

Estrogen and Progesterone updates

2008-12-17T09:27:00.004-05:00

I had hormone bloodwork on Monday. Estrogen had dropped to 199. They want it to be > 300. So, I've added Estrace to my arsenal of meds. I have to take one pill at bedtime. And, I get to remain on my 4 patches of estrogen as well. I was hoping it would be >1000 so I could start weaning, but that doesn't look likely for a while now.

Progesterone looked good at 40.5 and they just want it to be >20. So, at least that was good news. It was 51 at my first beta, but my nurse said it wasn't unusual to have some hormone fluctuations. But, no med decreases, so I'm still on 1cc PIO and 3 Prometrium/day.

I'd be very surprised if we are having more than one baby. Between my lower E2 and P4 levels and the fact that I'm having almost no symptoms other than fatigue, it just seems like we are having one. We are very blessed regardless of the baby quantity in my uterus!

I've been tagged!

2008-12-15T19:17:00.001-05:00

I've been tagged! My friend, Emily, tagged me a few days ago and I thought I would participate with her. So, below are 7 random facts you have been wanting to learn about me (lol).

Rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about you.
3. Tag 7 random people at the end, and include links to their blogs.

1. I have one younger brother. He has the same name as my husband (Stephen) and they both spell it the same way. Difference: bro is a staunch "Stephen" and hates being called "Steve" whereas hubby has always gone by nickname "Steve." Thank goodness for their differences!!

2. Since I graduated from college in May 1998 (yikes-10 years ago), I have lived at 8 different addresses. 4 of them were here in Lexington and the other 4 were in Naples/Ft. Myers, Florida. If things go as we hope and our property value improves with the new hospital being built across the street, then we will be moving once again if our home sells.

3. Steve and I share a love for football. We are just finishing up our playoffs this week for fantasty football. I made it to the final playoff championship game before losing to the guy with the best team in our league. No shame in seconds for me, even though I'm a very competitive person. Steve and I enjoy spending Sunday afternoons at Buffalo Wild Wings so that we can watch all games in action simultaneously. We could get the NFL Sunday ticket, but prefer our "Sunday date" at BW3s....

4. My best friend, Stephanie, and I have known each other since elementary school. We have many similarities, but also some differences, yet we always seem to agree on the things that matter most. She was the first person to cry when I told her I was pregnant! I'll never forget that! Love you Steph!

5. I love ice cream. I remember growing up and not wanting to eat my birthday cake at all; I only wanted the ice cream. Pretty much don't care what flavor and I really like it when I'm at a nice restaurant and the chef whips up some unique flavors. Yummy!!

6. Steve and I watch "Days of Our Lives" every night, which has to be the worst soap opera out there. But we still watch it. It's one of only 3 shows we watch together. The others are "The Office" and "Dirty Sexy Money."

7. For the final random/weird fact: I auditioned for the ABC show, "The Bachelor" several years ago. I didn't actually want to be on that show, I wanted to be on "The Bachelorette." I figured there would be no way that I would be interested in just one guy as I am very picky, so that's why I thought the Bachelorette would be better suited for me as I could probably find a great guy among 25 bachelors. I never went on the show.

Ok, I know you were intrigued! Prepare to be intrigued 7 more times, by visiting the blogs below! Now, I tag:

1. Christi @ Our Journey
2. Meg @ Lawyers Do Not Eat Their Young
3. Brenda @ No Regrets
4. Jen @ Maybe If You Just Relax
5. Annie @ onemoreweek
6. Stephanie @ A Product of Feminism and The Gilford Family
7. Karen @ A Day in the Life of Karen

Poppyseeds

2008-12-13T11:38:00.007-05:00

I got this image and description from the Bump (aka, the Nest). They have these all throughout the pregnancy. I'm going to try to include them in my blog for interested readers.

"In week 3, sperm meets egg, and voila: conception! Your little zygote sets off on a six-day trek through your fallopian tubes, dividing and redividing into identical cells as it travels to your uterus.

In week 4, now safe in your womb, the ball of cells (blastocyst) splits in two, becoming the embryo and the placenta. The amniotic sac and fluid are forming around baby, and will act as a cushion for the next eight months."

However, tomorrow will already be week 5, so I'll get to post a new picture soon!

IVF # 3 Play-by-Play

2008-12-11T07:33:00.003-05:00

I've been looking at ways to try to organize my blog and make things look a little nicer. So, I've decided to get rid of the IVF#3 tracker on the side. But, the information is very important to me, so I'm gonna keep it all in a blog post format. Here is our information:

7/26 - BCPs start
7/30 - CD3 b/w: E2=46, FSH=14.3, LH=6.4, AMH=4.2
8/1 - Diagnosed with PCOS; Began Metformin XR 1000mg
8/5 - TSH=3.87; Diagnosed with Mild Hypothroidism; Began Synthroid 50mcg
8/11 - Began Lupron + Dexamethasone
8/15 - BCPs finished
8/20 - Suppression check - E2=16, TSH=1.012; Synthroid decreased to 25mcg
8/21 - Stims begin 75IU Gonal-F and 75IU Menopur
8/23 - Travel to Denver
8/24 - Stim check #1 - E2=121
8/26 - Stim check #2 - E2=295
8/28 - Stim check #3 - E2=611
8/29 - Stim check #4 - E2=1092
8/30 - Stim check #5 - E2=2042
8/31 - Stim check #6 - E2=1884; Extra Menopur 75IU in pm
9/1 - Stim check #7 - E2=2298; Extra Menopur 75IU in pm
9/2 - Stim check #8 - E2=3276; Trigger shot
9/4 - 14 Eggs Retrieved
9/5 - 10 mature eggs and 10 fertilized embryos
9/7 - 8/10 embryos within normal ranges (6-10 cells) at Day 3; 1 at 5 cells and 1 at 12 cells
9/9 - 4 blastocysts frozen and biopsied and sent off for Microarray testing
9/10 - 2 more blastocysts frozen and biopsied and sent off for Microarray testing
10/20 - Start BCPs for FET
10/24 - Microarray test results in: 3 embryos available for transfer (2 normals and 1 no result)
10/27 - Lupron begins for FET
10/31 - BCPs finished
11/5 - Begin Vivelle patches every other day
11/11 - Estrogen b/w = 60
11/21 - Lining check=14.2mm and E2 level=516
11/23 - Begin Endometrin; also taking Erythromycin and Medrol for 4 nights; Stop Lupron
11/25 - Progesterone b/w = 12.8; TSH = 1.227
11/28 - FET-2 boys transferred; E2 = 697 and P4 = 3.7 (switched to PIO)
12/3 - First ever BFP on HPTs!!!!
12/7 - Beta #1 = 393!!!!; P4 = 51
12/9 - Beta #2 = 1187!!!!

Beta #2: 1187

2008-12-09T18:43:00.003-05:00

We are thrilled it doubled! Actually, it tripled! My nurse counseled me on twins when she gave me the second beta number. She also asked if Steve and I were ready to be twin parents. I guess the best answer was "yes." I asked her if it could still be one. Reply was "yes." I then asked the question that's been on my mind since Sunday-what about splitting blasts? She replied "yep, we've seen it happen." So, there's no real way we'll know until our u/s and that will be on 12/26. I want to know your thoughts, so I'm putting up a little poll for you all to guess how many we're gonna see at our u/s! We will be blessed with whatever God grants us.

And while I really like my cartoon, I'm deleting it as I've officially given up the POAS obsession. I was 9/9 and it was fun, but now I'm on to the beta obsession!!!

393!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-07T12:39:00.002-05:00

Beta #1 is back at 393!!! Woohoo! It really worked! I'm really pregnant! I'm so freakin' excited! My progesterone level isn't back yet, but they've put me on 3 Prometrium a day along with the 1cc PIO every night. I'm so freakin' excited!

Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I'm in awe of you girls. You never fail to amaze me with all of your support. I love you all!!!

I think our moment has finally arrived: BFP!!!!!

2008-12-05T07:48:00.038-05:00

That's right-I'm testing pregnant! Steve and I are just beside ourselves with joy. I can't stop POAS. I love doing it. I bought 8 tests thinking I'd have to test a few times before one came up positive, but after five tests, I'm 5/5!!!

I actually did the first test on Wednesday night which was 5dp5dt. I decided to test that evening because: 1) I had decided it would be the only day I could see a negative and not be upset at all as it would probably be too soon to see a positive and 2) I had an encounter earlier in the day with some kalamata olives. I don't particularly like them, however, they were in a pasta salad I ate on Wed. I couldn't get enough of them! I probably had 20! So, knowing my previous indifference towards them, it prompted me to test. At first when I saw the test I thought, hmm...two lines must be a negative on this brand (lol). I grabbed the instructions and sure enough-positive. Faint, but positive.

Tested 3 more times yesterday and all were positive!! I had some heavy cramping to help convince myself that it was real. Also, I'm very tired. I closed my eyes sitting in an office yesterday and am pretty sure I nodded off. First time in 9 years! I went to bed early last night and slept for a long time! Feeling better this morning. Tested yet again this morning and this time the digital popped up "Pregnant." I vowed to never test on a digital until I was for sure it would say "pregnant", mainly because I just couldn't bear to see "not pregnant" show up. One line is much easier to handle than those mean words.

Oh, and I had more kalamata olives for dinner last night. Can't get enough of that salty flavor. Yummy. :-) So, yep, I think I'm pregnant. CCRM and Dr. Schoolcraft get all of the credit. They are the best. They lived up to every expectation (and more) that we had. Their lab is the reason we had blasts make it for genetic testing and I'm just so thankful that we chose them. No regrets!

I can't wait for Sunday morning to roll around for my beta!!! Thanks for all of your prayers and support. I'll never be able to express enough just how much they were all appreciated!

Pregnant or Not Pregnant: That is the Question

2008-12-03T09:44:00.004-05:00

Forget Shakespeare and his "to be or not to be"; am I pregnant or not? The answer of course is I have no idea. I have symptoms, but I've had symptoms before. Some of it could be real, some of it is probably in my head. Ah, the roller coaster of infertility emotions never go away. The good news is that I don't have to wait as long this time to find out if it worked. The bad news is I don't know what the verdict will be yet.

So what do I have?
1. tender breasts - the fertiles out there are jumping up and down screaming: "pregnant"; the rest of us know that ugly progesterone gives me this side effect regardless of a pregnancy or not
2. looking tired - I don't feel any more tired than usual, however one of my customers told me yesterday that I didn't look like myself and that I appeared fatigued. Not sure that counts, but I'm documenting anyway...
3. twinges/flutters/cramping - I've felt these since the transfer. Could be real or could be in my head. Who knows.
4. nausea - now this one is strange. As we were flying back from Denver, I felt really sick. I've never thrown up on a flight, however, I looked to be sure the barf bag was in the seat pocket in front of me. It was, didn't use it, but weird. Could also be my mind playing tricks on me...
5. food issues - I can usually stop eating and try to appear somewhat sophisticated when having dinner with customers. However, I couldn't stop eating last night. I think it was the best food I've ever eaten. I ate everything. Including the creme brulee (which I'm very picky about as most restaurants can't ever get right). I ate every bite of it and the waiter noticed laughing and said he could bring me another. That made me feel piggish, but I wonder if I would've said yes if I were dining alone...(No, Definitely No)
6. constipation - this has been the worst. I struggle anyway with it since I'm an over the top Type A freak. However, this was really bad yesterday. Thank goodness relief finally came, but this prompted me to start googling the ole early pregnancy symptoms.
7. ass aches - lol. Just throwing that in so that everyone know my PIO injections are truly a pain in my ass (ouch)...but, I hope I get to continue them for several more weeks to come. :-)
8. frequent urination - not fair really here since I've still got my bladder infection. Although the infection is getting much better since I started on the Keflex.
9. bloated - I feel this a lot though...
10. the "glow" - I'll end with this one as it's all Steve. He checks my face daily for the pregnancy glow. He says it's there. I say it's the estrogen. Random people have been telling me this for a few weeks now, so that's all I can think that's different about me. But, he still likes to check for "his sign."

That's all I can think of right now. So to sum it all up, I have no answers nor will I until this weekend. I've just got to muster up some patience until then.

Our Transfer Story

2008-11-29T09:56:00.004-05:00

Our transfer went well yesterday and here are the specifics. We got there at 11:30am-- transfer scheduled for 1:45pm. I had to do a blood draw upon arrival to check my P4 (progesterone) and E2 (estradiol) levels. My levels came back last night and while my E2 was great at 697, my P4 was low at 3.7 (they want it to be 6). So, I am switching to PIO beginning this morning. Totally fine with me as I've had a really hard time with the supps. I had to go to the ER on Thanksgiving night due to having an acute bladder infection with lots of blood in my urine. I'm now on Keflex for the infection and am doing better, but needless to say, I'm glad to not be taking the supps anymore which I've felt horrible with since beginning them last Sunday. So, bring on the PIO lumpy butt (lol)!

We had acupuncture pre and post transfer. And I also got 10mg of Valium, so needless to say I was pretty relaxed when my transfer time finally rolled around. Thank goodness for sweet people-my ultrasonographer looked at my bladder and told me it was REALLY full and that I could go to the bathroom prior to the transfer. I don't remember feeling more "relieved" in my life. Between the bladder infection and drinking water to try to get my bladder full for the transfer, I was miserable.

Dr. Surrey then came in our room and informed us that both of our embryos survived the thaw at 100% and that both were already growing and hatching out of their shells after being thawed. Yeah! Then John (the embryologist) wheeled in a little incubator, just like you'd see in any hospital nursery, with our little embabies staying warm inside. I have to tell you that I'm a person who rarely cries, but I teared up at that sight. He also had a 20" monitor atop the incubator where he showed us their first pictures. I did cry then. They were just beautiful. We didn't take pictures for fear of the flash going off and disturbing them. John said that the little incision in the placental cells where they were biopsied for the genetic testing was the area they were now exploding out of and growing like crazy! Then, Dr. Surrey placed them inside my uterus. Transfer was complete.

We then spoke to John about the genetic testing results and we did find out the sexes-both were BOYS! So for now, I have 2 boys hopefully growing inside me. This is the furthest we've ever made it-5 day transfer with genetically normal blasts. I am in awe of them. Needless to say, we are so, so hopeful that this will be our turn. I am continuing my bedrest today, but all I can think about is our boys. Steve has named them Dallas (after his beloved boys-the Cowboys) and Denver (our new favorite place on the planet). So for now, that's what we're calling them I guess (lol).

Thanks again to each and every one of you for your amazing support. My beta is in a little over a week. I have a lot of anxiety already about it, so just know that I'll post something when I feel able to do so. For now, I want to focus on enjoying every moment of being pregnant with them.

We arrived safely in Denver

2008-11-27T22:58:00.002-05:00

We arrived on-time around 11am this morning in Denver. It is COLD, but it will be warming up over the next few days. The good news: we found somewhere that was open serving Thanksgiving dinner. The food was yummy and definitely hit the spot! Thanks Christi for the recommendation. For all current/future CCRM patients, it was Mimi's Cafe located off Park Meadows Drive in Lone Tree. They also have a great looking breakfast menu!

We have to be at CCRM tomorrow around 11:30am. We have to sign consent forms, get my E2 and P4 b/w drawn, and I'm also doing acupuncture pre-transfer. We don't know which doc yet will be doing the transfer (I forgot to ask yesterday), but our transfer will take place at 1:45pm. Then, I'll be doing acupuncture post-transfer as well. Throwing in every chance possible for success here, so I didn't pass on the acupuncture.

We are both so excited! Hope all of you had great turkey days!!

Does my ticker really say 2 days???

2008-11-26T15:45:00.000-05:00

And just like that, the time has finally arrived for our embabies to return home. I had my final bloodwork draw yesterday and my progesterone looked great at 12.8 (CCRM wants it above 6). I can't wait for our FET! So far, so good!

To answer a few of your questions: we are transferring our 2 normal embryos and plan on keeping our no result embie frozen. Hopefully, we will get pg this go around and maybe have a future pregnancy chance waiting for us with that little embie in the future. We are still waiting for CCRM to give us our transfer time and our assigned physician (Dr. Schoolcraft is not doing it, so that leaves one of the other docs).

And, the biggest question was the one I posed to you guys on my poll regarding finding out the embabies sex at the time of transfer. I think it's so funny that the results were split almost 50/50. So, we've decided to find out the sexes on Friday. I was originally against it mainly because I was afraid that if this didn't work out for us that I'd just be devastated even further by knowing that our 2 boys or 2 girls or boy/girl didn't implant. But, Steve kept pointing out that we'd be crushed either way, so why not just find out now? So, I let him win this one. He was really hoping more of you had voted "yes" to further support him, but he won just the same. Marriage is all about compromise, right?

I'm busy getting last minute stuff completed today. Hope all of you have a fantastic Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for your overwhelming support and reassurance. :-)

Buh-Bye Lupron, Hello Endometrin

2008-11-22T10:57:00.006-05:00

That's right: today is my last shot of Lupron! Woo freakin' hoo!!! I had a good check-up yesterday with local RE. My uterine lining looked really good at 14.2mm (CCRM wants it >8 and <18) and my Estrogen was at 516 (needs to be >300). Sounds like my uterus is ready to accept some embabies! In 6 days!!

I begin the lovely Endometrin progesterone suppositories tomorrow at a 3 times per day regimen. If we get pregnant, then I get to continue them for a long time along with my fun estrogen patches. BTW, I gotta say thanks for the tips and laughs on the patch removal effort. From vodka to WD-40, I learned and laughed a lot. :-) I did purchase Johnson's baby oil to assist in the effort. It did help and I've combined it with the rubbing alcohol and soap regimen. Seems to be working.

I also begin the Medrol and Erthromycin tomorrow as well to prepare for the FET. My friend and I were laughing the other day about all of the meds we take--we could easily be mistaken for 80 year olds with all of these meds! But, hopefully they will be worth it at the end of this!

I'm trying to spend this weekend doing productive things like cleaning out the garage as I know I'll be put on lifting restrictions next Friday. I still haven't figured out how to do my job and not lift over 5 lbs, but I'm working on it. Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!

Ouch, Ouch, Ouch!

2008-11-17T21:52:00.002-05:00

I've been okay with the estrogen patches up until this morning. OMG. They really hurt when I have to take them off. A lot. I've been trying some tips like using alcohol to loosen them up while ripping them off. That still doesn't help much. Any other advice is greatly appreciated ladies!

I find it kinda laughable that I can give myself several shots a day from little needles to really freakin' big needles and not complain about them. I also haven't had problems with progesterone supps. in the past. So, why am I so tripped up with a topical patch? Who the heck knows.

I did advance up to 4 patches today. Nothing else to report until Friday.

On a side note, I really liked my ticker with the turkey. However, I just couldn't stand it being inaccurate anymore. I could not get it to give the exact date of my FET, so I had to replace it. No fun turkey, but it's a ticker that works properly. Okay, finished with OCD behavior for the evening.

Two weeks til Denver!

2008-11-13T23:05:00.004-05:00

I had a blood draw earlier this week and my estradiol level was 60. Yay-they wanted it to be over 50. So, looks like we are on track. I've moved on to the 2 patches every other day part of the FET regimen. Doing okay with the change thus far...

Today is exactly 2 weeks from Thanksgiving and when we leave for Denver. Yippee! I'm excited and scared at the same time.

Finally, I'm adding a poll regarding our ability to find out the sex of the embryos. Because we did micro-array genetic testing, we are able to know the sexes of our transferred embryos as soon as the FET is complete. Steve and I are not able to come to an agreement on what we want to know at the time of transfer. So I would like to know what you girls would do if you were in this situation. Would you find out the sexes at transfer if they were your embryos?

Hope

2008-11-09T18:16:00.004-05:00

I vacillate from feeling hopeful to feeling scared. Hope is important and without it I know I could have never made it this far. I would describe myself as a tenacious, strong-willed individual who sets a goal and attempts to achieve it no matter how many times I may have to try to get there.

Everyone knows how much I want this. I'm an extrovert. It's been really, really hard not to talk about my quest for baby. All of our family and friends know, and after almost 2 years, lots of my customers know as well. Everyone knows. So what's the problem? Everyone knows. There will be no hiding if this IVF cycle fails. I don't want to think about failure. I really, really don't.

So, I'll keep thinking hopeful thoughts. The best news I've had all weekend? My dear friend, Christi, tested positive this weekend and got a fantastic first beta today. I could not be happier for her. We've become very close over the last year (wow, how time flies!). This was her IVF#3 and she had decided to to go to CCRM. After learning more about CCRM, I was thrilled she was taking a chance and cycling in Denver. She has been one month ahead of me since her first consult in May. I can't think of a more hopeful story than hers today. Obviously, her success is just that: her success. But, it gives me just a little more hope that miracles do happen. Maybe, hopefully, one can happen for us?

"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great, and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow." Orison Marden

Estrogen patches: Check.

2008-11-06T20:45:00.003-05:00

I began my patches yesterday. So far, so good. Didn't fall off after my spinning class this morning or even my shower thereafter. Hope they all work this well.

Still doing the Lupron shots. I think I can officially say that I'm over Lupron. I think I've had enough. We need to go our separate ways. Our relationship just isn't working for me anymore. Seriously, my two months of no shots was really nice. I can endure the Lupron for a couple more weeks. I have to say that I truly have a real empathy for diabetic patients who have to endure daily insulin shots. Even though the needles are little, it's still a daily shot and therefore still sucks, in my opinion.

Think that's about it. My first estrogen blood draw is next Tuesday. I'm slowly getting around to catching up on some blog reading. Hope everyone is doing okay!

P.S. Those of you who selected Barack Obama as our next POTUS on my blog poll were correct. What a historic moment for all Americans. And on a much smaller (but important) level, the Colorado Amendment 48 did not pass! Therefore, embryos have not been granted "personhood" status, which ultimately lets the couple, rather than the government, decide what to do with their embryos.

Guess who showed?

2008-11-03T18:23:00.003-05:00

LOL. Yep-AF arrived and so we are officially on track for our upcoming transfer. Weird thing is that she showed exactly today, when she was supposed to. That rarely happens for me. Oh well, I'll take it!

Got all my meds ordered. There was A LOT of extra stuff apparently I needed! Anyway, getting lots more Vivelle patches, Endometrin, Erythromycin, and Lupron syringes in the mail later this week. One would think that I would've had enough based on that ridiculous pic I posted of my IVF meds when they arrived back in August, but I guess not. I'm also hoping that I have to order lots more after a positive beta in December. :-)

So, I start with the estrogen patches on Wednesday and continue them every other day for a week. I've never experienced a patch before. I thought about going on Ortho Evra a few years ago, but decided to stick with my tried and true (BCPs). I always envisioned it falling off and then the "oh crap" happening. What a laugh remembering the long ago days when I thought I was actually fertile. My, oh my, how things change...

Finished with BCPs and I added a poll...

2008-11-01T21:51:00.003-04:00

That sure was a fast BCP stint! I took my last BCP last night! Woohoo! Hope the rest of my cycle milestones continue to fly by so quickly. Next up: AF needs to arrive in the next couple of days...

I'm adding a poll on over to the right hand side of the blog. I've always seen polls on other people's blogs, but I just never got around to adding one to my blog. Of course, I'll add one about our cycle in the near future, but in the spirit of the upcoming election, why not add a political poll. Will it rival Rasmussen or Zogby? Who knows, but we'll see on Wednesday morning.

Finally, I also added a live feed below to see where all of my blogger friends are chatting with me from. Thanks for commenting on my blog, ladies. I appreciate all the support!

I BIG PUFFY heart you!

2008-10-31T08:33:00.003-04:00

The following wonderful, supportive, strong, inspirational, caring gals recently honored me with the "I Heart Your Blog Award": Emily from No Expectations Except a Baby, Jill from Maybe Baby, and Megan from Lawyers Do Not Eat Their Young. Thank you so much ladies! I heart all of you as well and certainly heart your fabulous blogs.

Now, the way this works, is I answer the following questions with single word responses, and pass the award on to 7 other bloggers:

1. Where is your cell phone? Next to me
2. Where is your significant other? Downstairs
3. Your hair color? Blond
4. Your mother? Selfless
5. Your father? Sweet
6. Your favorite thing? Vacation
7. Your dream last night? Weird
8. Your dream/goal? Happiness
9. The room you're in? Bedroom
10. Your hobby? Reading
11. Your fear? Failure
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Moved
13. Where were you last night? Home
14. What you're not? Mommy
15. One of your wish list items? Children
16. Where you grew up? Kentucky
17. The last thing you did? Read
18. What are you wearing? Clothes
19. Your T.V.? Off
20. Your pet? Sonny
21. Your computer? Laptop
22. Your mood? Anxious
23. Missing someone? Grandmother
24. Your car? Chrysler
25. Something you're not wearing? Shoes
26. Favorite store? Macy's
27. Your Summer? OK
28. Love someone? Many
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Awhile

Now, I'd like to pass this award to 7 bloggers who excite me when they publish a new entry:

Our Journey

Maybe If You Just Relax

Planet Davila

Journey For Baby Reilly

Our Story: A Blog About Infertility, IVF, and Adoption

No Regrets

Conception Deception

There are so many others....but these all stand out for me. All are in different stages of our journey towards motherhood. But all are similar-I admire and their strength and determination. Thanks for your continued examples of persistence, hope, support and love.

First Lupron shot-done!

2008-10-28T08:53:00.003-04:00

I began Lupron shots last night for our upcoming transfer. Strangely enough, I was looking forward to my old friend Lupron returning. This actually signals to me that we're finally off and running. I didn't feel that way when I began my BCPs on 10/20. So, FET-here we come!

And Denver-here we come! I finally got our flights, hotel, and rental car all booked for our Thanksgiving adventure. We are getting in early (~11am) on Thanksgiving Day so that we can get settled in. Well, that's only partly true. Steve felt we really needed to be there before football games got underway, particularly the Cowboys game. So, looks like he got his wish. We've been wondering about where we'll have our Thanksgiving feast. Who knows what will be open? Chinese? I did the Chinese Christmas dinner alone several years ago when I was nurse and had to work the Christmas holidays. I couldn't go home to my family, and friends and boyfriend had all gone home to their respective families. I remember crying about it having to eat at Hunan's Chinese Restaurant. And then I went to work and felt a little better when I had some work colleagues around to commiserate with...

Okay, back to Denver. Because flights were so expensive to leave on Sunday following Thanksgiving, we decided to stay until Monday morning instead. We get back home in the early afternoon, so shouldn't be too bad. And so I guess I'll just have to spend one more day on bedrest at our favorite little Summerfield Suites hotel, watching NFL games all day. Hadn't thought about the little plus of football Sunday until after we'd made the decision to stay, but that certainly makes things better.

Finally, I got a great deal the last time we were in Denver for a rental car and I also got another one this go around. Because it was pretty cheap, we got one of those little SUVs that had 4 wheel drive capabilities. It's Denver and it's likely we'll see snow out there during our visit.

So between the Lupron and getting everything booked, we are finally rolling with our FET!

And the verdict is...

2008-10-24T20:00:00.003-04:00

Well, 6 weeks and 2 days later, we finally have results! We have 2 normals and 1 no result available for transfer. The other 3 were abnormal. Steve was hoping for 2, but of course I wanted all 6 to be normal. Oh well, as the song goes "You Can't Always Get What You Want", and so it is with me...but I'm happy to have some to transfer.

The normal ones were the 5AA and one of our 2/3 grade embryos. The nurse said that having the highest graded blast (5AA) come back normal was kinda unusual as she said in her experience, a lot of times the highest graded ones come back abnormal, so I guess that's good? Who knows...The no result was the 3BC, which was my worst graded embryo. My abnormals were the 3BB (my next best blast) and the other two 2/3 embryos.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get the nurse to fax me my test results due to the sex of the embryos being listed. I told her she could white it out and send it to me, but she said we'd just have to wait until after our transfer was completed to see the entire report. I still plan on asking my regular nurse when she returns to the office on Monday. I am a persistent person, so I won't give up that easily. So for all of your encouraging comments to me over the week to call and speak to someone or email someone, don't worry-I did. I'm sure I bugged all of the nurses at CCRM!

The nurse did give me a little more info about the 3 abnormals embryos. One was called "chaotic", which I thought was a very fitting embryo for Steve and me (lol). She said something like the chromosomes were scattered in irregular patterns. Weird. Another embryo had a chromosomal defect on #18, which was an extra chromosome that could lead to Edwards syndrome (similar to Downs Syndrome). The final embryo had a extra chromosomes on #9 and #13, which can lead to Patau syndrome (similar to Edwards) and mosaicism. So, that's all we know on the 3 abnormals.

My hope is that in our previous cycles, we were just transferring the wrong embryos, even though they may have looked good under the microscope. Gosh-we hope so!

The nurse said our options would be to transfer the 2 normals or 1 normal and the 1 NR, and keep the remaining embie frozen. But, 2 would be the transfer number, so we'll have to make a decision. I do hope to speak to Dr. Sch more about all of this next week on his opinions on which ones to transfer...

Thank you all so much for the support you've given me. I truly appreciate you all! Please keep sending us good thoughts, good vibes, prayers, well wishes, etc. We'll need all of them for our FET on Nov. 28!

Going out of my mind

2008-10-22T09:52:00.003-04:00

Nothing. I know everyone keeps asking and wondering, yet I know nothing. This sucks! Where are my results??

I do have an FET date: Nov. 28 (Day after Thanksgiving). I'm glad that we were able to keep up the "Holidays at CCRM" theme. If you guys recall, we spent July 4th out there for our 1 day work-up. Then, we were in Denver over Labor Day for our egg retrieval. So, looks like we'll continue with the tradition over Thanksgiving for our FET. Provided we have normals to transfer. Seriously, where are our results??????????

I'm been having nightmares every night for almost a week. They're crazy. I'm crazy. One was a nightmare about having my test results in front of me. I read each line: "Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal. Abnormal." No normals out of six. Pretty scary. I was crying and somehow woke up.

Another nightmare: I was told I have an inoperable brain tumor. Great. Someone from my past helped me get in a clinical study and I had all of these stupid needles, probes, electrodes, etc. all over the base of my brain near my cerebellum. The hope was for a miracle to occur and the tumor could somehow shrink and disappear. Okay. Woke up.

Then last night my nightmare was the old "back in school" dream. Remember those? "Teacher asks for homework and you have nothing to turn in" kind of dreams? Well, this one was a little more elaborate: it was science project fair time. I had 3 different stations set up, each receiving different grades. I can't remember what was on my poster boards, but I think they were adequate enough, even though I hadn't prepared as much as I would've liked. Anyway, grades for each project: 96, 86, 70. 70-wtf? I started arguing with my teacher over my grade, determined to get it up to an A or at least B. I've never gotten a 70 on anything in my life! So for me, that was pure horror! See-NIGHTMARES SUCK!

So, please pray/cross fingers/cross toes/send a word up to whomever: I want my results TODAY. It's been 6 weeks as of today. I'm going out of my mind waiting! Please help preserve whatever sanity I might still have. Thanks everyone!!

Weekend visitor

2008-10-18T10:35:00.004-04:00

No, not anyone fun or interesting, just ole AF. She arrived without surprise this morning. Why without surprise? Well, first off this marks our 21st cycle of TTC. Nothing is a surprise after this long. Football analogy: If the Chicago Bears pass the ball off to Matt Forte for 20 consecutive times for him to run down the field, then news flash to this week's opposing defense-they'll give it to him for another time to make it 21 in a row. No surprise. Secondly, we did actually try (as always) to have a hail mary BFP. Obviously did not work, as most hail mary football attempts don't work either. In fact, they usually end up in an interception. And finally, AF arrived today because it's Saturday and it would've been too easy to arrive on a week day when I actually could've spoken to a nurse, been excited, and worked on my calendar. Now, I'll wait until Monday. Still no flippin' word on the test results. I'm done with being patient. Never was a strength of mine anyway. 5 weeks and 3 freakin' days...

Looked at a lot of flights, but not booking anything until results are back. Of course Thanksgiving flights are outrageous. I could wait until the next week when they are much cheaper, but I'm over waiting. Really, really over waiting. And, we don't have to burn more vacation time if we go out over Thanksgiving. Stay tuned...

5 weeks, but who's counting??

2008-10-15T20:05:00.004-04:00

Me! I'm counting! Each and every day!

I called CCRM again today. When I first was told the 4-6 week waiting time frame, I decided I would try to be patient (at least until 4 weeks were up). Of course, 4 weeks came and went last Wednesday and I broke down and made the call. One week later here I am, so I made another call. Here's the skinny:

While my new cycle hasn't begun yet, I got one of the nurses to go ahead and order my BCPs for pick-up in the next few days. Also, I convinced her to give me some potential dates for our transfer. They let us ultimately choose the date, but she started with some dates the week of Thanksgiving-just as I had originally hoped! WOOHOO! So, we get to choose a day during Thanksgiving week or the following first week of December. Needless to say, I'll be searching the internet for flights the rest of this evening. That will probably be the ultimate deciding factor on which date we'll choose.

After writing all of the above, I realize how optimistic this all sounds. We haven't even gotten our Micro-array results back yet. I have no idea if we'll even have 1 genetically normal to transfer. But, I really, really hope so...

A little update from CCRM

2008-10-08T19:52:00.004-04:00

Well, today marks 4 weeks since our embies were biopsed and sent off for testing. I decided to call CCRM to check-in. The nurse told me that testing results were taking around 6 weeks at this point. Gosh-I hope we get our results soon! This is the longest wait I've ever had. I went back and thought about the longest I've ever waited for results of any kind to come back. I think this one wins out over: 1) Nursing Board test results (about a month), 2) A.C.T. results in high school (I think it too was about a month) and 3) Contest wins at work (varies, but again about a month after a contest end date). So, this really is the longest I've ever waited for any results EVER. I'm trying to be patient. I really am...

Some other news from CCRM-I asked nurse if I could go ahead and begin drugs with my next period (coming soon to a theater near me in about 10-14 days). I was worried she would say no and that I would have to wait until my results were back before starting BCPs, but I was happily surprised: she said I could start them and they can control my cycle accordingly with BCPs until the results come in. YAY! YAY! I feel more reassured and not as on edge now about when AF arrives.

Everyone uninterested in my answer to the below opinion-seeking post: please stop reading here and save yourself from a boring embryo politics rant!

First of all, you guys always amaze me at your ability to so eloquently describe your raw honest feelings on such a painful, personal topic. Thank you for your all your comments-very appreciated. I wanted to see what your thoughts and feelings were without the bias of my comments. I'm one of those people who believes there are always two sides to every story. Whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, I respect your thoughts and opinions on the topic.

So, what are my thoughts? I wouldn't have posted the article if it hadn't struck a nerve with me. I'm scared. I'm scared that politics (which I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE) are now entering my bedroom, or petri dish as the case is with us. If the government can tell us what we have to do with our unborn children, then what's next? I'll tell you: overturning Roe vs. Wade. Most of you have probably figured out from previous posts that I'm a registered Republican. But what you don't know is that I have some strong opinions that fall into line with the Democratic party. The one I'm discussing is Pro-Choice. I've always been Pro-Choice. It doesn't mean that I would have chosen abortion if I'd ever been pregnant previously, but I never had to address it personally. I don't think I could've or would've in that position, but I don't think you can ever really know unless you've been faced with making that decision. We all have our life stories and I believe that someone's decision should be just that: their decision. Not the government's decision. Why am I discussing abortion? Because I believe it will be the next to go if these types of legislations are actually passed in several states.

I believe that frozen embryos are future potential children. I also believe that the 4 embryos we've previously transferred were potential children as well and have mourned their loss similarly to someone who has suffered a miscarriage. So, of course, I consider my embryos to be life. But, I don't believe they are yet children and therefore not of personhood status.

I'm frightened of the ramifications to us "infertiles" should some of these state and federal bills pass. I believe that for those lucky enough to have frozen embryos remaining after successful cycles, the couple should be ones to decide what happens to them. If they feel their family is complete, then the couple should be allowed to decide if they should be discarded, donated to research, or donated for adoption to another couple. Again, I'm Pro-Choice. The government should have no say, in my opinion, on what happens to those embryos. Where the government could help is making embryo donations to research (ie, stem cell research) a real viable option at a federal level. I believe that stem cells can quite possibly hold the key to potentially treating several diseases. If the couple doesn't feel right with discarding them, yet can't embrace the idea of having their genetic child being raised by someone else, then research truly is a happy medium. I do believe that those embryos can maybe save a life (or many lives).

We live in challenging times and these are all tough discussions and decisions. Thanks for listening to my opinions. And as usual on political-type discussions on my blog, please respect my opinions. It is my blog. If you have strongly opposing beliefs, please address your opinion on your own blog and don't attack me. On a side note, this is why I run from political discussions in general. Rarely can two opposing sides leave a political discussion feeling the same about one another as when they first entered into the discussion. Better left unsaid, or be prepared to feel distant from that person.

Seeking your opinions

2008-10-06T18:20:00.003-04:00

I want to hear your opinions on the following article:

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-he-embryos6-2008oct06,0,7185026.story

There are other articles embedded within this one, so check them out as well.

I won't give my opinion just yet because I want to hear what you guys think first. I didn't want to slant the comments by giving my opinions. So be open and let me know your thoughts! I'll post mine soon!

New look

2008-10-05T21:28:00.003-04:00

I decided to change things up a bit with a new look to my blog. Not sure that I'll stick with this one for long, but it's something different for now.

I've been trying to catch back up on my blog reading. I've certainly not been on here very much lately. Hope everything is going well with each and every one of you!

Anniversary

2008-09-30T20:00:00.002-04:00

Today is our anniversary. We celebrated last night by going to dinner at a local restaurant that we hadn't checked out before. The food was pretty good, but the atmosphere was interesting to say the least. We didn't know it was a gay bar. We were the only straight couple in the restaurant for the whole evening. On our anniversary. LOL

The best part and the real reason we decided to have dinner there? The restaurant actually has karaoke on Monday nights. So, we sang a few tunes without shame, although we are pretty bad singers. We couldn't begin to top the showtunes being bellowed out by the crowd like "Life is a Cabaret" and "Lady Marmalade" (I swear this is the truth!). But Steve and I always have fun and love music, so we gave it a shot anyway. Our picks? Steve chose the tough "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash. This is a great song, but Steve discovered quickly that it would've been better to have actually known the lyrics. Poor guy. But, he hung in there and finished the song, so I was proud of him. Then I chose "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette. I love this song; it sooo rocks and for some reason I thought this particular crowd might enjoy it. Problem? I found that the song was best sung by an angry, bitter, wounded-hearted person. Probably not the best choice for an anniversary tune. But, my reasoning skills were a little bit altered due to the (2) fabulous martinis I enjoyed. Finally, we ended the night on the well-known duet "Summer Lovin" by John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. How'd we do on that one? Not bad as judged by the claps in the audience at the end. Of course, maybe they thought if they were nice to us, that we'd stop their pain. Either way, it worked. They got rid of the annoying straight couple and we went home and were happy with having had a great night.

Busy times!

2008-09-23T22:38:00.003-04:00

Brief updates: Mexico was great fun! Mainly just lots of rest, relaxation, and margaritas. Steve and I are the worst photo people in the world, so I may eventually get around to posting some pics on the blog. I gotta say, I'm pretty old fashioned. As cool as digital cameras are, we never print the pictures out or ever really seem to quite enjoy them as much. Opening a new set of photos that were just developed was such a fun sense of anticipation, remember? Now, it's just all there on the screen and ours never seem to make it off the computer screen. Okay, back to the regularly scheduled program...

I also went away for a girl trip last weekend. We went to a spa over in Asheville, NC. It was absolutely fabulous and complete relaxation. There were 6 of us and we just had a blast! Girl trips rock!

Most of all, I've been incredibly busy with work. I've got all kinds of "fire drills" to deal with right now. So, lots of time being focused away from the infertility stuff right now.

Tomorrow marks our 2 week mark of waiting on the genetic test results. I fluctuate between being hopeful that we'll have several come back normal to having only 1 come back normal to having nothing come back normal. Honestly, I don't want to think about it at all. The only thing that is for certain is that there is absolutely nothing we can do about it until the results come back. So, I'm clearly trying to keep busy with other things right now...

Sorry for the delay--we have 2 more blasts for testing!

2008-09-12T10:45:00.002-04:00

Yikes! We had 2 more to grow to blastocysts on Day 6, so that brings our total up to 6 that were shipped off for genetic testing. We are thrilled to say the least! I will add more specifics on their grading, etc. when I get a chance. CCRM called me on Wednesday evening with the news, but we'd already arrived here in Cabo and I didn't ask as many questions as I would've liked. I've sent an email asking for the specific details, but just haven't heard back yet.

I added a little ticker to help track our wait for the results to come back. I'm planning on 6 weeks, but will be happy with anything sooner than that. We are hopeful that we'll have some genetic normals in the group to transfer back to their original home (ie, my uterus) around the Thanksgiving time frame!

Thanks to each of you for all your love and support. We appreciate it so very much! And, we are having lots of fun here in Mexico! I've been catching up on my margaritas...

We have blastocysts!!!!

2008-09-09T19:21:00.004-04:00

For the first time ever, we have blastocysts! For those unfamiliar (my family and friends constantly remind me that they don't have a PhD in infertility-lol), a blastocyst forms when an embryo reaches the 5-6 day development stage. It has ~ 100 cells (give or take) and is distributed in two areas: an outer embryo lining (which will later form the placenta), and an inner mass (which will later become the fetus). During a natural cycle (for you lucky gals), the embryo develops into the blastocyst stage as it is leaving the fallopian tubes and entering the uterus. An embryo needs to have entered into the blastocyst stage once it arrives in the uterus in order for proper implantation to occur.

CCRM called with our Day 5 report and we have 4 blasts that were frozen (vitrified) and biopsed today! We are so happy! Our greatest fear throughout this whole cycle was not having any embryos to thrive beyond Day 3. We never could get anything to make it to blast at our old clinic, and we had a total of 25 embies to work with there during IVF #1 and #2. So at CCRM, we now have 40% of the fertilized embies that have made it to blast! Woohoo!

The embryologist said that they are watching all of the others as well and would let us know a final blastocyst count tomorrow. Not to sound greedy, but we would love to have more make it. It would just give us a greater chance of having more normals to choose from at transfer time. But make no mistake, we are thrilled to have any blasts! Please pray for some of them to be normal! Also, please send lots of positive vibes to our embies in Denver! After tomorrow, the blastocysts' biopsied cells will be headed to the genetic testing lab in New Jersey to see which ones are genetically normal. Then begins the long 4-6 week wait for the results to come back!

The biopsed cells are actually taken from the future placental cells (ie, outer lining of the embryo), not from the inner mass (potential fetus) as occurs in other types of genetic testing. And, all 23 chromosomes are then able to be tested, unlike only 9 chromosomes with other types of genetic testing. Wow. As I've written all of this, I realize it sounds very scientific, so probably boring to lots of people. Therefore, I think this is a good stopping point. :-)

Day 3 Embryo Update

2008-09-08T21:12:00.001-04:00

I got the call late yesterday from CCRM on our Day 3 embryo update: of the 10 fertilized embryos, we had 8 in the normal range of 6-10 cells on Day 3. They are as follows: 4 at 8 cells, 2 at 9 cells, and 2 at 10 cells. We had 2 out of normal range: 1 at 5 cells and 1 at 12 cells. Our next updates will be on Tuesday and Wednesday.

For those of you who have been asking why we left Denver and if we are flying back, etc: we are doing genetic testing on the embryos, so we were allowed to leave right after retrieval. We hope to have Day 5/6 blastocysts to biopsy and send off for testing. The current turn-around time for Micro-Array testing is about 4-6 weeks. We also signed consents for CGH testing, but it looks like that one may be getting backed up with several biopsies being sent off for that test last week. Micro-Array and CGH give the same info, they just use different technologies to arrive at that info.

Thanks so much for all your kind words and thoughts. You guys are the best!!

Brief embryo update and football (I know, weird combo)...

2008-09-07T11:39:00.005-04:00

We flew home on Friday, so I didn't get to post the CCRM info: of the 14 eggs retrieved, we had 10 mature and all 10 fertilized. I'm happy about 100% fertilization of mature eggs since we've never had that with our past 2 IVF's. I'm hopeful that this is one of many good things we'll hear from CCRM! We are supposed to get our Day 3 embryo update later today from CCRM. Fingers crossed!!!

Business as usual back at home Saturday: we went to UK's (that's University of Kentucky Wildcats for those not familiar with the abbreviation) football game. It was fun to tailgate with our friends and kick off another home season of SEC football! Steve and I are huge fans and love our team through the good years and the bad years. It's obviously lots more fun in the good years. We are coming off our 2nd Bowl win in a row season. This isn't much for lots of teams out there, but we are proud of them just the same, especially considering we play in the toughest conference in all of college football. Bold statement I know, but it's not even close to being up for negotiations with fans from other conferences. :-)

Finally, today officially begins the hype of the NFL season (even though there was a Thursday night game already). If you couldn't tell from the above paragraph, I LOVE FOOTBALL. And, I've finally broken into the "boy's game": I've been permitted to join the illustrious Fantasy Football league! My brother (Stephen) who I don't recall having the opportunity to mention before but love him dearly, is involved in and runs 5 or 6 Fantasy leagues. Yes, he is single. How could he fit dating into his busy "fantasy" world? He started a league last year of folks that were kinda Fantasy rookies. I didn't get an invitation, although Steve did. So, I was happy to have been selected as "Fantasy worthy" for the 2008-09 season. We had the draft at our house on Aug. 22nd, which happened to be the night before I left for Colorado. Needless to say, it was a busy time for me! But, it was a lot of fun and today kicks off a season full of fun and hype. Plus, being in the same league with Steve adds a little competitive element to our home life. And most importantly, it helps ease the anxiety I'm having over the status of our embryos...

14 eggs

2008-09-04T15:30:00.002-04:00

That's how many eggs that were retrieved today! I'm feeling pretty crampy right now, so I'm gonna lay down. I'll add more details a little bit later, but wanted to say thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. :-) Off to find my heating pad now...

The long and winding road: trigger tonight

2008-09-02T23:29:00.005-04:00

I know that I haven't done a good job at updating the blog, but I really didn't think you'd want to see stim check posts #5, 6, 7, and 8...But, our day has finally come and we are triggering tonight at 11pm for an egg retrieval at 10am on Thursday. My estrogen was up to 3276 today.

Steve and I have been all over the place as to how we feel about this cycle. We finally had an appt. this afternoon with Dr. Schoolcraft and discussed all of our concerns with him. He feels that my cycle has gone well overall and that it's been slow and steady, just as he had wanted. I never thought my body was capable of stimming for 12.5 days, but apparently it is. He hopes that this will translate into better quality embies. Let's hope so! He still predicts around 15 (or more) for retrieval and hopefully a good number still for maturity and fertilization. I pray he is right! I'm overly concerned about the number this go around as we want some to make it to blastocyst so that we can have something to biopsy and send off for genetic testing!

I have to go in for labs tomorrow morning, but then we are free to enjoy the day with no set times to take a particular shot. Yippee for that! We bumped up to 4 shots a day on Sunday, so I'm really done with my thighs, hips, and abs looking like pincushions. This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to get into a swimsuit soon, but we do have our trip to Cabo coming up on Sept. 10. I don't want to freak out my work colleagues too much!

We are headed up to Boulder tomorrow and hope to check it out along with Estes Park. Steve really wants to go there, so I hope I'm not too uncomfortable from the trigger shot and am able to still have a good time. In other news, the weather has completely changed overnight here in Colorado. Fall apparently arrived today and the high was only around 65 (it was around 90 yesterday). Steve loves the cool weather. Me? I'm a warm weather girl all the way. And, we packed summer attire, so we are ill-equipped for fall weather. Oh well, just a few more days...

Steve and I ate dinner at P.F. Chang's (thank you Emily!) tonight. We don't normally look at the fortune cookies, but for some reason did tonight. Steve's read: "You do not have to know where you are going to be headed in the right direction." Mine said: "Nothing in life is to be feared; it is only to be understood." And our lucky numbers were all different except for one number: "4". Retrieval on 9/4??? Well, if any of it is a sign, we'll take it!

I'll update on Thursday following the ER to let everyone know how it went and how many were retrieved, etc. Hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend.

This one is dedicated to my Mom...

2008-08-30T16:21:00.005-04:00

I've wanted to dedicate a special post in this blog to my Mom for a while. Her name is Janet and I am the luckiest person on Earth to have her for my mother. You might be wondering why...

My Mom is the most selfless individual I've ever known. There is nothing that she won't do for me, my brother, or Steve. She devotes her time and attention to us anytime we need her. Anytime. She came to Denver with me last Saturday, despite the death of someone she was close to occurring the day before we left. She made it back in time for the funeral, but she still decided to make sure that I wasn't too lonely out here. That's just the kind of stuff she does.

She serves as our interior decorator. She has great taste and is one of those people who has a great eye for things. I just don't have that. She also helps us clean (yuck). My cleaning lady of 7 years quit on me in July. Mom came up a few weekends ago and helped us clean the house from top to bottom, which took the whole weekend. She motivates us to do what we really don't want to do (but know we need to do).

When she got back into town from Denver, she picked up Sonny and Cher and took them to her house (about an hour away from us). She takes Sonny everywhere and he thinks she is the best Nana ever...well, it does help that she takes him to get ice cream cones for late evening desserts. :-) And poor Cher, we've never been away from her this long and she is having to adjust to life with Mom's cats (actually Mom's cats are the ones to feel sorry for as it is their house and they really hate Sonny as he antagonizes them). But, Cher doesn't do well when she is away from Sonny. She cries for him at night, which while sounding sweet, is actually a PITA because she wakes you up and she is walking around looking for her best friend. They are the sweetest dog and cat combo I've ever seen, though. They give each other baths all of the time. I also frequently find them sleeping with their paws on top of each other. It's really odd to see a huge golden retriever and a little kitty behave like this, but it's true. :-)

I digress...I give my Mom credit for inspiring me to never give up. Never think that anything is impossible. I applied this as a child to being a good student, and then later to working hard to get college paid for with grants and scholarships. She taught me that in order to get something in life, you have to work hard for it. Honestly, I'm glad my parents didn't have money to send me to college, because it only made me study harder and work harder and appreciate my education even more. Then, through all the big adult decisions from moving to Florida for a couple of years, to changing jobs, to buying a house, etc. she has always been behind me every step of the way. My wedding was the best example: it was her wedding! I think it was probably one of the happiest times in her life. She planned a good majority of my wedding. I couldn't devote much time to it b/c I had a lot going on with selling my house, quitting one job, starting my current job, going away for training for 2 weeks, moving, etc. Oh, and I forgot to tell you that we only had a 5 month engagement b/c I wanted a September wedding! I thought it would be beautiful weather, but unfortunately it rained. But, our wedding was beautiful and I thought I'd throw a pic of our wedding on here at the beginning of the post.

Finally, through all of this infertility, she has supported both of us without question. She helps me to hang in there when I'm having rough days. And, as you all I know, I do have really tough days from time to time. I know someday I'll be a mother someway, somehow. I only hope that I can try to emulate my mother with my kids. I just can't imagine a better mother in the world than her...I love you Mom.

Stim check #4

2008-08-29T19:47:00.004-04:00

I feel better, but it's been a really long day...

First off, we meet with the genetic counselor. We were so impressed with how intellegent she was (Masters in Genetics-so no wonder!) about everything and learned a lot. She had already looked over our case and suggested Micro-Array to us (loved the personalized care she showed). She said b/c we've never had an embie make it to blast and since this was a major concern for us, that she felt it would be a better choice for us than CGH. Micro-Array can be done on Day 1, 3, or 5 embryos. Obviously, Day 5 is preferable, however we're leaving it up to the embryologists to make the call on Day 3. If they look good, we'll continue to grow them out to Day 5, but if they have doubts, then we've also consented to a Day 3 biopsy. She told me that both CGH and Micro-Array were taking 6 weeks for results to come back. I thought Micro-Array took longer these days, but that's no longer the case according to her. We also signed consents for CGH as well, since that is what Dr. Sch had originally told me about and if we had Day 5 blasts, we could make the call at that point on which testing to go with. Our #1 concern over all of this is not having a good retrieval this cycle and having nothing to work with. She said she was surprised at my lack of progress so far as well, but that it was still really early. She said I could decide as late as the day after retrieval to do genetic testing. Of course, we want to do it if we have enough available.

We spoke at length with our IVF nurse about our concerns as well. She was so nice. She said she understood and that we were paying a lot of money and should feel happy with our care. She told me Dr. Gustofson would call me later today. Steve asked for another u/s and b/w today, even though they told us I didn't need a stim check originally today. She got her favorite (and apparently Dr. Sch's as well since she has worked with him since the beginning) ultrasonographer to do today's u/s. Apparently there is definitely a variance from one ultrasonographer to the next on what they measure, etc. We are showing slow, but consistent growth. I've now got 2 at 17mm, 2 at 16mm and several others hanging in there. E2=1092 today.

Dr. G told me that he feels like we are progressing at a consistent pace. He did say that he predicted we would forego the 17mms in order to get the majority of the follies at retrieval. He said that he predicted to get 15 eggs, but possibly more based on my high AFC. I feel good about that. He predicts that my E2 at trigger will be 3500-4000. He also is predicting either Tues or Wed retrieval.

One last note, I wanted to send a huge thanks to my friend Emily ("No Expectations Except a Baby"). When we checked into our hotel today (switched to our scheduled hotel now that the DNC is over), I received a huge box from her. It was a "CCRM Care Package" filled with all sorts of goodies from snacks to magazines, a book, a restaurant gift card, to Burt's Bee's lip balm! We are in awe of such a thoughtful gift! Steve was like a child (aren't all men), already eating the Goldfish Crackers before I had un-packed the box! Thank you so much Em. We really appreciate your kindness and incredible support. :-)

Stim check #3 and a big thank you!

2008-08-28T21:36:00.005-04:00

I wanted to give a quick update: After 7.5 days of stims, my estrogen=611 (LH=0.8 and PG=0.2). I have several follies on the right ovary and the left ovary has the bigger follies (17, 15) plus a bunch of smaller ones. No med changes. I'm going to try speak to a doctor tomorrow (Dr. Schoolcraft is out of town for the holiday weekend) as I don't feel I'm progressing as I should be. I have a high AFC (25-30), so I think I should have many more (and larger) follies than they are counting on the u/s. Also, they have such a lack of uniformity in size, which is again different from IVF#1 and #2. I wonder if the dexamethasone is oversuppressing me and also wonder if I'm on enough stims...potential ER next Tuesday.

I'm just scared to death. I talked to one of my friends yesterday about how with IVF#1, I never thought for a second that we would fail. I assumed we would get pg (ha!). With IVF#2, I never felt confident that we would succeed and assumed failure for most of the time following my transfer. With this one, I just don't know. On one hand, I want to put complete trust and faith into the hands of CCRM and their magical lab and embryologists. But on the other hand, I have experience with this crap. And, I'm a person who likes to take control of a situation that appears to be going awry. Crap.

Now, my big thank you to each and every one of my blogger friends. I am utterly surprised every time I write a post that anyone ever even reads it, much less responds to me with such incredible kindness and support. I originally started a blog in order to jot my thoughts down (ie, journal) and planned to have a nice little journey from IF to pregnancy to baby. While that may still come true at some point in the future, the here and now is important too. So, I just wanted to take a moment to thank all of you for all the kind words and support you have shown me over the past several months. The kindness of complete strangers is at times one of the greatest gifts anyone can ever receive, so from the bottom of my heart, I thank you very, very much.

Stim check #2 update

2008-08-26T21:08:00.007-04:00

My estrogen was 295 today (LH<0.4 and Prog<0.2), so no med changes. On my u/s, my lining has thickened to 8mm. On the left ovary, I have 4 follies measuring: 14, 13, and (2) 11mm as well as 4 smaller follies around 8mm. On the right ovary, I have 6 follies measuring: 13, 12, 11, and (3) 10mm as well as 4 smaller follies around 8mm or so. I was told to come back on Thursday for another stim check.

We were going in regardless on Thursday for my pre-IVF physical, Steve's back-up sample freeze in case there is a problem on the day of retrieval, and our meeting with one of the genetic counselors at CCRM. A very busy morning, indeed!

Had a blast with my Mom. I'm gonna post about that later. I had to take her to the airport early this morning, so I've been kinda lonely today. But, Steve arrives tomorrow night, so my alone time will be short-lived. Yeah!

We are in Denver and stim check #1 update...

2008-08-24T20:26:00.005-04:00

My Mom and I arrived last night into Denver. Everything went well with our travel. I did get stopped by security for my bag o' drugs. I immediately told the officer that I had needles, medicine, etc in the bag. Curiously enough, they were only interested in my ice packs at the bottom of the cooler. Hmmm....kinda worries me about national security, but oh well.

You guys know that the Democratic National Convention is being held this week in Denver. Lucky us. I booked the hotel where CCRM had rooms blocked, and while the suite is big and spacious, the hotel location kinda stinks. We are located right next to a control tower and the small Centennial airport. It's been really busy today with all the Democrats arriving on their private jets. They do have them you know, regardless of what they lead you to believe. And the funny thing is EVERYONE asks us if we are here for the DNC. I should lie. It would be sooo much easier. Instead, I stutter around and come up with some lame "visiting friends" story. I mean, I have spoken to several of the nurses and staff at CCRM friends, so that sorta works, right? I can't even easily lie and say "Yes, we are here for the DNC." Mom says it may be easier for us to say "Yes we are here for the DNC. We are the protesters. " LOL.

Disclaimer: This is my blog and these are my opinions and I realize they may differ from others, but I appreciate your respecting them.

Stim check #1: My u/s went well: I've got 10-11 follicles on the right ovary and I've got 8-9 follicles on the left ovary all measuring around 6-8mm. I'm glad that they are all around the same size, but worried that they should be a little bigger. Of course, I am on such small doses of stims that I was wondering if I'd have anything to show on the u/s, so I'm overall happy with the results. My uterine lining was good around 6mm.

The nurse called with my b/w results this afternoon: E2-121, Prog-<0.2 and LH=1. Nurse said all looked good and to continue on the Gonal-F 75 and Menopur 75 for the next day and a half. No appt. necessary tomorrow and I'll return on Tuesday morning for my next stim check appt. My previous IVFs were very different initial stim checks: IVF#1 E2-727 after 4 days of stims (but that cycle was a disaster, thank you very much Dr. Awadouchedag) and IVF#2 E2-223 after 4 days of stims (much better). I'm worried I should be closer to IVF#2s estrogen level. I know. I'm crazy. Trust the man. Stop obsessing. So that's it. Next update on Tuesday...

Green light: We are headed to Denver!!

2008-08-20T16:03:00.003-04:00

Yahoo! Thank goodness! I'm so thrilled. Had my suppression check this morning at local RE office. My u/s looked great with roughly 16 antral follies, all at very small sizes. My lining was thin at 3.3mm--which is right on track. I really liked the nurse who did my u/s today. She was sooo nice, as was the rest of the office. I'm so glad to be forever done with Cincy!!

I got the call later about my labwork and I just can't believe it! My E2=16 (this is the lowest I can ever remember my estrogen being at a suppression check, which I hope means that my ovaries are ready to start getting cranked up)! My Progesterone=0.67 (CCRM wants it less than 1). But drumroll please.....TSH=1.012!!!!!!!! So in just a short amount of time, my thyroid listened to my compliance pleas and is totally in shape! CCRM ideally wants a level to be between 0.3-3.0, so mine is great! I will be dropping my dose from 50mcg to 25mcg of Synthroid as I don't want to have my level drop too low (per my Internal Medicine docs approval). That's it. Nothing else to do but start stims.

So, tomorrow morning I will be taking Menopur and then I'll take Gonal-F in the evening (along with the Lupron). While I'm not thrilled at the idea of taking 3 shots a day, it'll hopefully pay off with a great cycle. Please pray that this is the one for us!! Someone was telling me that Dr. Sch sounds like he is a wizard at all things related to infertility. I hope so!

"We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Oz...
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does."

Music and Infertility

2008-08-15T04:53:00.006-04:00

I've got a bad case of insomnia right now. And, I can't get some songs out of my head. Does that ever happen to you? So, you know the old saying that if you can't sleep, then try to write down what's keeping you awake? Well, this is my attempt at just that....

There was a random question on the MSN board a few months ago about putting the stages/categories of IVF to various song titles. I love music, so naturally, I loved thinking of some of those titles. Since this is my blog, I'm changing some things to adapt to overall infertility. Let me give this a try...

The early days: "Whole Lotta Love" by Led Zeppelin
Clomid: "Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley or Patsy Cline
IUIs: "Come As You Are" by Nirvana
Break Cycle attempts: "Hail Mary" by Tupac
AF: "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks

Now on to IVF:
Gearing up: "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake (this one is for repeat offenders such as myself)
On BCPs: "Just Like A Pill" by Pink
On Lupron: "(Feeling) Hot, Hot, Hot" by Arrow (I was blessed with night sweats earlier--I think that's what woke me up in the first place)
FET cycle: "Don't You Forget About Me" by Simple Minds
Stimming: "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar
Trigger Day: "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye (one needs Marvin's help here, 'cause nothing is sexy about timed intercourse)
Pre-op: "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd
ER: "Be My Baby" by The Ronettes
Fertilization Reports: "Come Together" by The Beatles
ET: "(Hey Now You're An) Allstar (Get Your Game On, Go Play)" by Smash Mouth
2ww (or with genetic testing 4-6 week wait): "The Waiting Is The Hardest Part" by Tom Petty
On Progesterone: "Everybody Plays The Fool" by The Manhattans
HPT +/- Limbo Hell: "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaak
BFNs: "Unbreak My Heart" by Toni Braxton
BFPs: "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses
On a Break/Cancelled cycle: "You Can't Always Get What You Want" by The Rolling Stones

The one song that can fit into every category: "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey

I can't think of any other categories. Can you? Any song titles you have come up with? This has been fun for me!!

I will pay for this insomnia later today. Oh well, at least it's Friday! Have a great weekend!

Needles, and syringes, and drugs! Oh, my!

2008-08-13T22:09:00.004-04:00

Thought I'd start off with the obligatory IVF meds pic. I received a gigantic box with all my meds for IVF#3 last week. Looks like a lot of fun, right? I went back and checked out my pic for IVF#1. What a difference a couple of failed cycles make! Can't wait to try to fly with all of these meds...

I began my Lupron injections on Monday. So far, so good. I also started dexamethasone along with the Lupron. So, hopefully, I'll be adequately suppressed at my upcoming u/s and b/w check on Aug. 20. I received good news from the local RE's office yesterday--they can run stat TSH levels, so that gives Synthroid a couple of extra days to kick my thyroid back in to shape so that my cycle can continue as planned. I'm crossing fingers that it will be okay, however, if it's not, then I will just postpone everything for another month or so.

So, these are the easy days: only 1 shot. When stims start, I move to 3 shots per day! That's why there are so many syringes in the photo. I've got some mixing to do with the Menopur.

I've heard so many positive stories lately from CCRM IVFers. It truly sounds like a miracle place for girls that have had previous failures. I hope I can be lucky too and that the third time will be the charm for us.

Just when I think I'm back on track...

2008-08-05T20:14:00.004-04:00

I really want to be a positive person. I really, really do. But I just don't know how much more I can take...

CCRM called and told me that I've got a TSH=3.87 from last Friday's b/w, indicating mild hypothroidism. Crap. Shit. Fuck. What else? After consulting with Dr. Google, it sometimes takes 6-8 weeks for the thyroid to kick in gear from being on Synthroid. Unfortunately, CCRM won't start stims until the level is at least down to 3.5. Problem? Umm...I'm scheduled to start stims on 8-21. If the level doesn't come down, I will have to be postponed. I cannot tell you how upset I am. We've got our plane tickets, room reservations, etc. Fuck.

Why? Why can't I get a fuckin' break? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I somehow injured my neck and shoulder last week. I couldn't move my neck and it has been difficult driving (which is what I do for a living). Saw my internist and she thought that I've either got a herniated or bulging disc or possibly spinal stenois. So, I've been taking an anti-inflammatory during the day, Lortab and Zanaflex at night, and using heating pads to take away the pain while driving. The good news: I do feel better. And, I don't think I'll have to have a MRI. The bad news: basically, it's just the icing on the freakin' cake.

I think I'm losing my mind. I really do. I felt REALLY bad yesterday. I had difficulty finding words, numbness/tingling on left side, lightheadness, etc. I swear, I thought I was having a stroke. But, turns out, I think I was just hypoglycemic from the Metformin I started on Friday. Of course, I had to run to the nearest Pharmacy to buy a glucometer to check my glucose level. Easier said than done when you are disoriented. Glucose: 102. But, this was 5 hours after symptoms started and I had been drinking OJ to get the level back up. So, I think it was the Metformin after all.

Seriously? What next?

"Don't Stop Believin"

2008-08-01T07:49:00.005-04:00

I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.

I'll start off with the bad news so that I can end on a positive note. Day 3 b/w did not turn out like myself or CCRM had expected. E2=46, LH=6.4, and FSH=14.3. I'm still in shock over the FSH level. My last FSH check was on 3-21-08 and it was 6.8! I don't have any signs of a "typical" high FSH patient. I stimulate really well (33 eggs on IVF#1 and 17 eggs on IVF#2). I also have a high AFC~25-30 and good AMH-4.2. So, I tried to wait patiently for Dr. Sch to give his final ruling on me. I worried so much yesterday that he wouldn't accept me anymore as a CCRM patient due to my "bad score." Then, one of my fave songs (okay to be honest, I have hundreds of faves, but still) came on the radio: Journey's "Don't Stop Believin." So, for the rest of the day, I tried to be more hopeful.

CCRM nurse called last night and Dr. Sch's verdict was: he's not overly concerned about the high FSH since it doesn't match with anything else my body seems to be doing. The nurse said he gives me 60% chance for pg. success. When I asked the nurse what that meant, she said "Well, we just told another 33 y/o with an FSH=12 that her chances were 40%." So, I guess they still think I've got a chance, so that's what I've got to keep believing as well. While a high FSH does reflect poor egg quality, he's not so sure that my high number of follies aren't driving up my FSH number. She went on to say that despite the FSH/LH ratio not definitely pointing to PCOS, he still thinks I either have PCOS or PC-like ovaries. Therefore, you guessed it: I'm starting Metformin today (provided my stat liver enzymes come back good).

My protocol won't change tremendously: I will still be doing the long Lupron protocol. However, he is starting me out on really, really low doses: Gonal-F 75 and Menopur 75. I've got to be checked after 3 days of stims and then they'll have a better picture of how to proceed. I'm so glad I'm cycling with CCRM. Even though PCOS is the most common cause of infertility, my old RE would've just put me through another IVF with no better answers. I also like being in Dr. Sch's care as I think he is as detail-oriented and probably as OCD as I am about everything...lol.

Okay, I don't think being diagnosed finally with PCOS is good news (just in case any of you thought I was finished). My good news: I won the trip to Los Cabos, Mexico!!!!!!!! The dates kinda stink with everything else going on with my IVF cycle, but I'm going to Mexico!!!!!!! We are staying at a fabulous hotel called Marquis Los Cabos Sept. 10-14. I should at least be home from Denver by Sept. 7th. Check it out at http://www.marquisloscabos.com/index.php. So, I'll be recovering from my ER on the beach!! Yeah!

Biopsy Results

2008-07-29T20:43:00.003-04:00

Well, my biopsy showed that I do have the beta 3 integrin receptors. Yeah! I did NOT want to have to take Depot Lupron for a few months. So, if my uterus does have the "sticky glue" required for implantation to occur, then why haven't our perfect little 8 and 10 cell embies stuck? I don't know, but we get to rule out another possibility as to what our underlying problem is with these results...

I'm waiting for CD3 b/w to come back either tomorrow or Thursday. If it shows PCOS, then maybe we can change our "unexplained" diagnosis and have our answer. If I don't have PCOS, that only leaves two possible explanations that I can think of right now: chromosomal/genetically defective embies or just bad luck at a bad lab with a bad doctor. Clearly, I prefer it to be our previous RE experiences as our ultimate problem. :-)

Stay tuned for CD3 b/w.....

Is the universe mocking me or is my luck changing?

2008-07-27T23:07:00.004-04:00

Okay. Had to blog about this experience. Yesterday was my CD3, so I headed over to the hospital that had agreed to draw my blood. As I pulled into the hospital, I thought "Hmmm, there are a lot of cars here for a Saturday..." That's when I saw the big sign: "Expecting Great Things" which just so happens to be the premier annual event for expectant mothers at the hospital. It should be noted that this hospital is the best maternity hospital in the city (which is also where my OB/GYN is affiliated, so maybe that could be a good thing in the future). But back to the present: prego bellies everywhere, little kids running around (greedy fertiles), lots of DHs (apparently there was an "American Dadiator" diaper changing contest and grill giveaways), big white tents, and so much more. I parked on the opposite side of the hospital as far away from the festivities as one could possibly get. Thanks universe.

As if that part wasn't bad enough, Part 2: I went up to the clinical lab to get blood drawn. Everything was going great--it seemed I was the only person at all in the hospital getting labs drawn. Made friends with phlebotomist. Sat down in lobby to wait for blood to clot, then have new phlebotomist friend spin it down in the centrifuge machine, give it back to me, and then I would be on my way. But, all of a sudden, the door opens and in walks a lady and her adorable 3 year old daughter. She was so darn cute. Red hair, curls dangling, cute clothes, etc. She immediately came over to me while her Mom was checking in. Our convo pretty much went as follows:

Child: "What's in your box?"
Me: "I've got ice in my cooler." Blood had to be iced immediately after being centrifuged.
Child: "Can I see?"
Me: "Sure." Open up cooler and show her ice packs.
Child: "Why are you here?"
Me: "I had some blood drawn."
Child: "Are you sick?"
Me: "No."
Child: "What's wrong with you?
Me: "I'm just having some tests run."
Child: "Okay. Do you have kids?"
Me: "No." Uncomfortably, I start looking around for the Mother.
Child: "Do you like kids?"
Me: "Yes. Very, very much. I'd like to have a little girl like you some day."
Child: "Then, why don't you have kids?" Mother finally arrives to sit next to us.
Me: "I'm trying to have a child. It isn't easy for me. That's why I'm here. On a Saturday. When everyone else is outside celebrating their pregnancies."
Mother: "Oh honey, come here and leave the nice lady alone. I'm so sorry. I have a friend who had trouble conceiving. It was really hard on her. She saw a fertility specialist and now has a little one. Have you seen one yet?"
Me: "Yes, for almost the entire last year. That's why I'm here. My new doctor is very thorough and requires labs to be drawn and sent only to his lab for testing."
Mother: "Oh, where is your new doctor?"
Me: "Denver."
Mother: "Do you live here?"
Me: "Yes."
Mother: "Wow. That's so far away. There is a doctor in Cincy that is supposed to be very good. I think his name is Awadalla. Have you heard of him?"
Me: I was just getting ready to reply with Awadouchebag sucks and then...
Phlebotomist: "Mrs. Waltrip, you're all ready to go."

So, of all the days of the week for my CD3 to fall, it was a Saturday. No one else would draw my stupid blood except for this hospital. This date happened to coincide with the only maternity event at this hospital ALL YEAR. Then, I get to play 20 questions with a 3 year old and later her mother. Which brings me to one of the two following conclusions: 1) the universe hates me and loves mocking me more than anything or 2) with the maternity event being held at the hospital where I would deliver if I could ever get pg on the same day that I had to show up for CD3 b/w, and then I get to answer questions from a 3 year old and her mother in order to bear my soul and make me feel like a complete failure, equals a change in my luck. Who knows? I'd like to think positively that it's my luck changing...

I've been a blogging slacker!!!!

2008-07-25T23:35:00.003-04:00

For those of you following my blog, so sorry for no updates for a while. I have had some things going on, so I'll get everyone up to speed....

I'll start off with the fun, personal stuff. I went on a fun "girls trip" to Charleston with my Mom, Aunt, and Cousin last week. Here is our picture (Left to Right-Cousin, Aunt, Mom, and me). It was so nice to get away. My cousin is beginning her sophomore year in college, and I'm just so proud of her. She is such a great person and getting to hang out with her as an adult is a lot of fun. And, I think it's worth mentioning that we call my Mom and Aunt "Lucy and Ethel." They are such a hilarious twosome! I'm just so grateful to have such a great family. I love you all soooo much!

I've been busy with work as usual...waiting to see final sales numbers for the 2nd quarter. I am close to winning a trip to Los Cabos, Mexico Sept. 10-14. I won't know until next week. But, if all goes as planned I should be doing my ER around Sept 1st, so it will be a happy time regardless if I win the trip! Yeah!!

My favorite part of the this week? My baby (Sonny) came back from doggie boot camp yesterday. He is a changed boy!!! He had some behavior problems (jumping on people to show them love) and I think we are on our way to getting him under control. He is such a great dog. He just wants to please us, as all Golden Retrievers do. Anyway, I missed him sooooo much, so it's good to have him back home!!

Okay, now on to infertility. Man, no matter how long this goes on, I still despise the word "infertility". Anyway, I was able to check the beta 3 integrin endometrial biopsy test off the CCRM laundry list earlier this week. The biopsy wasn't too bad, but then again, I've got a high pain tolerance. Nothing seems to phase me anymore. I'm a complete robot when it comes to stirrups. Seriously. My OB/GYN commented that she was amazed at how I was able to do the procedure without taking pain meds. She is so sweet to me. She entered the room and told me that she was sorry, but my beta was negative (had to do a pg test before doing the biopsy). It didn't even occur to me that I could be pregnant. Really. Kinda funny, well in a sad kinda funny way. So, I sent the specimen off to the lab and will hopefully have the results in a few more days.

AF arrived yesterday, so I officially kick off IVF#3 tomorrow when I get to start taking BCPs. I also have to get Day 3 labwork drawn tomorrow morning to send in to CCRM. Sounds simple, but I've literally been working on it for several hours the last few days. Quest Diagnostics (in our region of the country) won't draw blood unless they get to actually run the tests themselves. The blood cannot leave their laboratory, so that ruled them out. And, LabCorp is not open on Saturdays in my area. Also, I did NOT want to return to my old RE office, which is an hour and a half away. So, I eventually got a local hospital to allow me to go in for a lab draw and take the blood back home with me to put in our freezer until Monday when it can be shipped to CCRM. Thank goodness! Why does everything have to be such a process??? I feel so worn out with this stuff! I hope it goes smoothly tomorrow...

Hope all of you are doing well! I'll be getting caught back up on your blogs soon!!

CCRM Update

2008-07-11T17:29:00.002-04:00

Well, we haven't gotten many of our tests back just yet, but I'll share some results.

Rachel, our nurse, called yesterday and told me that my AMH=4.2. Anything above 1.5 is considered good, so yay!! Also, everything with the sperm looks good except for morphology. We've had a problem with this before, but since we are doing ICSI, I'm not sure it matters all that much.

Dr. Schoolcraft called me today and discussed his thoughts with me as well. He's not yet ready to say for sure if I have PCOS. Will wait for FSH/LH Day 3 results. He wasn't surprised at my high AMH and AFCs as he figured both would be high based on my previous high egg retrieval numbers. Essentially: I respond to stims VERY well. So, when I asked him what the heck he thinks is wrong with me, he responded that he wants to see what our chromosome b/w analysis looks like when they come back in a couple of weeks. Also, he just reverted back to his lab being so much better and that he's pretty sure I'm going to have better/more embies at CCRM. I hope he is right. Otherwise, our chance for a biological child would be slim to none. And, we don't have a back-up plan in place right now. So, I'm putting all of my eggs into the proverbial basket at this attempt at CCRM.

One Day Work-Up Appt. at CCRM

2008-07-06T13:06:00.008-04:00

Well, I think it went pretty well overall. I'll start with a picture. CCRM was a large building that was solely occupied by the group. As you walk into the 2 story entryway, there is a waterfall behind where we are standing. It was so impressive! Unfortunately, our camera died, (and of course the back-up battery was at home) so this was the only pic we have to post. We will take many more photos of the gorgeous Rocky Mountains on our next trip out there. We stayed until Saturday. But, it feels good to be home today. :-)

But on to what everyone wants to hear about: the appt! Below are the steps we took throughout the long day of testing...

1) We met with the Business Office/Financial area first. Nothing like getting the bad news out on the table immediately. We did go ahead and give them a $1000 refundable deposit so that we could get started ASAP following Dr. Schoolcraft's approval. That's only a drop in the ~$25,000 bucket this cycle will probably end up costing us. I sooo hope there is a baby at the end of this...

2) Steve did "his business." They did use some of my blood (drawn later in the day) to test for anti-sperm antibodies. Seems reasonable...

3) We met with one of our nurses. CCRM assigns a primary and a secondary nurse to each patient. She was so knowledgeable. Yay! We grilled her for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was only about 2 hours...

4) My favorite part: the baseline u/s and doppler flow studies. We had a sonographer perform the procedure. She asked me "Have you ever had a vaginal u/s?" I said "Yes, many times" but what I really wanted to scream was "I've had so many u/s tours through my vagina that I'm thinking about charging admission." But seriously, I've gotta hand it to this lady--she was better than any physician I've ever had to do a vag u/s. She saw something interesting immediately on the screen: a big bladder. And I had just emptied it literally one minute before the procedure. Completely (or at least so I thought). She said "Wow. You may want to get that checked out." Great. Now I need to add a urologist to my list of doctors? Aetna hates me this year. Anyway, the rest of the exam looked good: no scars, fibroids, cysts, etc. Also, I had great blood flow to my ovaries = no need to have acupuncture. Thank goodness! I hated those stupid needles in my ears...But, she did find something alarming at the end of the u/s. In order to get my AFC, she began counting on the right ovary first. She got up to 18 (on just the right side) and said "You've got A LOT of follicles, has anyone ever mentioned PCOS?" I wasn't totally taken off guard as Dr. Schoolcraft did mention it OVER THE PHONE. But I'm pissed! If someone can read a chart and mention his thoughts over the phone, don't you think that the doctors at IRH could've noticed it on the numerous baseline u/s I've had since last October? Dr. Awadouchebag (as Steve refers to him and now I've come to call him as well) blows. The left ovary only had around 12-13, so all in all, I had an AFC over 30. So, that's good that it's high, but bad that I might have PCOS.

5) We both had tons of b/w drawn. Normal labwork, screenings for genetic disorders and communicable diseases, the aforementioned anti-sperm antibody screening, and list goes on. I gotta admit that I was glad that Steve was able to slightly share in some of my pain by getting stuck. All in all, I had 8 vials of blood drawn and he had 3 vials. We are so impressed with their attention to every detail. I love CCRM.

6) I had a hysteroscopy next performed by Dr. Minjarez (due to some late scheduling changes). I was glad to have her as I was really worried about PCOS following the u/s (and PCOS is one of her "special interests"). She was very nice, funny, etc. The test went well and ended with my favorite line from REs: "Your uterus looks beautiful." Dr. M did say that while I didn't have any cysts on the hysteroscopy, that I may still have the syndrome. We won't know until my Day 3 b/w comes back. The conclusive diagnostic test for PCOS is an abnormal LH/FSH ratio, which is normally 1:1. With PCOS, it's common to have a low or normal FSH, an elevated LH, which can mean a ratio of 2:1 or 3:1. So, we have to wait on this one. Dr. Schoolcraft will decide at that time whether or not I need to be started on Metformin.

7) We were supposed to end with the FLC (CCRM's lab) Consent Review with signing lots more forms, but we were tired and I think they may have been tired of us as well, so we just went home with the promise to read over the info and finish up when we return next time.

So, when will the next time be? If all goes as planned, we may be cycling at the end of August. The only problem? The Democratic National Convention is in Denver during Aug. 25-28. Lovely. So, I'm not sure how that will factor into everything. That was the only bad week all summer at CCRM, so I'm not surprised that it would fall to be my time to come out for my stims and ER. I guess I could be a little happy if I were a Dem and try to go to the convention, but alas, I'm a Republican...Why couldn't Denver be the site of the Republican Convention??

Things to do beforehand:
1) Get endometrial biopsy 9-11 dpo on this current cycle.
2) Get Day 3 b/w drawn and sent to CCRM on the beginning of the next cycle.
3) Wait.

Come Fly With Me

2008-07-02T12:22:00.011-04:00

Steve and I just arrived in Denver. We are sitting at a local Starbucks, wishing we could have caffeine :-(, and trying to find out directions to the Cherry Creek Shopping Center. It's huge with all of the shopping places we would ever want to check out...

Ummm...in more important news, we have our appt. tomorrow! Woohoo! We will be seeing Dr. Surrey as Dr. Schoolcraft is OOT for the holiday weekend. Our heads are spinning with all of the questions we need to ask, etc. I'll update the blog following the appt. I know I've been REALLY bad lately about blogging, but we have been busy...

We went on vacation to Hilton Head with Steve's family. My first visit to HH--what a relaxing place! We stayed at a house in Sea Pines, rode bikes and basically hung out at the beach all week. While I'm very partial to the West Coast of Florida due to having lived in Naples for a couple of years, I certainly thought HH was a great place. We would love to go back in the future.

To quickly wrap things up (I'll write more later): I wanted to recognize my dear friend Christi from "Our Journey." She has selected me as a recipient of the Pink Rose Award--what a sweetie!! Christi and I met on TTTC. We cycled together during my1st (her 2nd) IVF in Feb/Mar. We began really chatting once both our cycles failed. She is such a great help to me going through this troubling time. I am so grateful for our friendship. We have talked about meeting up later irl when we have kids at Disney-ha! She's cycling with Dr. Sch at CCRM as well (she's about a month ahead of me). So, we've gotten even closer since all this begin. Love you girl!!

I'm going to award this to 3 AWESOME LADIES!!

1) Jen (Maybe if you just relax)- Jen always makes me laugh, no matter what kind of crappy moment I might be having. She has "relaxed" and is pregnant! So happy for her! I look forward to laughing more about her pg journey, which no doubt will be filled with lots of laughter!

2) Meg (Lawyers Do Not Eat Their Young) - Meg is a great gal from Buffalo who also has a great sense of humor. I always love reading her blog (although I apologize for being absent lately). I'm rooting for you to achieve a sticky BFP soon!

3) Wendy (Our Story: A Blof About Infertility) - Wendy just recently failed her 2nd IVF cycle. Words can't describe what pain I know she is going through, but just know I think of you often and am always here for you if you need a friend. You will be a mother, just hang in there!

4) I have an honorary rose to give to Emily (No Expectations Except a Baby). Christi has already been tagged for the award on her blog, but I did want to recognize you too. :-)

Here's how to pass it on:

1. On your blog, copy and paste the award, these rules, a link back to the person who selected you, and a link to this post: http://smartone.typepad.com/smartone/2008/05/pink-is-my-favo.html. You will find the story behind the Pink Rose Award and other graphics to choose from there.

2. Select as many award recipients as you would like, link to their blogs (if they have one), and explain why you have chosen them.

3. Let them know that you have selected them for an award by commenting on one of their posts.

4. If you are selected, pass it on by giving the Pink Rose Award to others.

5. If you find that someone you want to nominate has already been selected by someone else, you can still honor them by posting a comment on their award post stating your reasons for wishing to grant them the award.

6. You do not have to wait until someone nominates you to nominate someone else.

On The Road Again...

2008-06-20T06:52:00.000-04:00

Except, it's not work this time: we are leaving today for our Hilton Head vacation with Steve's family. Yeah!! I've been doing okay these days, but have been very, very busy!

For one thing, I've been busy booking flights, hotel, and car rentals for our trip to CCRM. We're leaving out on July 2nd (appt. on July 3rd). So, this has been a "good" busy!

I've also been working out every morning at 5am. Fun. And, I wish I could say I have something to show for it, but I've only got a mere 4 lbs off this body. That's it. How can one be counting every calorie and working out daily and only lose 4 lbs in 3 weeks? It's called being a 33-year old woman with a screwed up metabolism. Lucky me. Steve has been only dieting and has lost 24 lbs. No fair!! I've just gotta keep doing it until we start another IVF cycle. I can't gain another "IVF 10" and expect to fit into any of my clothes at all! So, I'll have to stay the course, although the course hasn't been treating me so nicely. Figures. I never get a freakin' break.

On the flip side (except for the above bitter comments), I'm still mentally better. Thank goodness for drugs. :-) I don't know how I could be doing anything right now without the Wellbutrin. But, I thought Wellbutrin was supposed to help you lose weight (okay, bitterness creeping back in...).

Work has been good, but crazy as usual. So, I really can't think of a better time to take a vacation. I hope all of you are doing okay. I think about you girls all of the time! Thanks for all the kind and uplifting comments on my blog. You all are the best! :-)